December 2011 Moms

Is this gift-grabby, or is it just me? (nbr & long)

I have an aunt and uncle who I'm not particularly close to- haven't seen them in over a decade, they never call/email/anything [Note: This is not just with me, pretty much the entire extended family]. They have 5 children, but I am really only close with one, who has made an effort in the past couple of years to get back in touch with the rest of the family. 

So today, I got an invite to their youngest's high school graduation party. Maybe I'm being really judgmental, but I'm giving it a huge side-eye for several reasons. First and foremost, I have absolutely no relationship with this girl or her parents, other than those murky bonds of family. I literally have not seen her since she was in diapers. Second, they couldn't even be bothered to send it to my current address. Third, I live over a thousand miles away- by what stretch of the imagination do they expect me to attend this party?

I'm thinking that this is yet another gift-grabby thing from them. [In the spring, I got an invite to their other daughter's baby shower, despite the fact that she has 2 kids already and the one she is currently pregnant with is the result of her adulterous affair]. I just feel like the only time I ever hear from them is when they are trying to solicit gifts for their children- never a Christmas card or anything. And God forbid they actually write a thank-you note for anything.

So questions: 1. Am I being overly-judgmental of this situation? 2. Would you send anything, possibly just for the sake of keeping family harmony? 3. Do you think it's silly for keeping up the pretense of a relationship with these people?  

Thanks for listening to me vent, and if you got to the end of this, treat yourself to a (non-alcoholic) drink.  

BFP#1=12/24/10 missed m/c @ 9w2d BFP#2=4/13/11 EDD 12/24/11 (coming full circle!)
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Re: Is this gift-grabby, or is it just me? (nbr & long)

  • It does sound gift-grabby (on the parents side)....

    I'd send a card. The girl doesn't know who you are anyway, so can't be upset that you sent a card and no money. For my graduation, that's what I got from people my mom made me send "announcements" to who I couldn't pick out of a crowd if I tried.

    I just want to really put out there that it's not the child's fault. My mother is like this! She send announcements, and invitations to people I couldn't pick out of a crowd because they are "family."  I guess I don't need the quotes since they are actually family....shrug.

    This lady even had people at my shower whose names I didn't know!!!!! HOT MESS

  • Eh, I try to avoid reading into things like that. For someone people, an invitation can function as an announcement - they don't expect you to attend (especially when you're so far away), but since you're family there's an obligation to at least inform you. Send a card, don't - I doubt they'll be gossiping about a snub.
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  • Given the situation and your relationship or lack there of, I would def say do not send anything. RSVP and that's all!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I would just send a simple "Congrats" card and leave it at that.  Say you're sorry you were unable to make it for her celebration and wish her the best.

     And then send them an invite to your baby shower.  

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Honestly, I wouldn't even send a card.  If they're sending you an announcement then you know they are sending them to dozens of other people.  They won't miss your card if you don't send it....a lot of other people will be ignoring the announcement/invitation too.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'd send a 50 cent card from Wal-Mart and call it a day. No need to worry about it or ruffle any feathers either. 
    imageimageimage
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  • It seems pretty gift grabby to me! I echo what PPs about sending a card and thats it. No need to send a gift if you don't even really know them!
    BFP #1: 3.28.11 Dx w/ PIH @ 24w DS Born @ 36w: 11.7.11 6 Days in NICU
    BFP #2: 8.31.16 Dx w/ GD @ 28w DD Born @ 36w: 4.21.17


  • It does sound gift grabby.  From my relatives who are farther away or not as close, they only send an announcement for the graduation, not a party invitation.  

    I do not believe you are obliged to sen anything.  At most, you can send a nice greeting card of congratulations, but I wouldn't send a gift (unless they have gifted you in the past or feel close to them). 

    Married 5-24-2008;
    BFP 4-19-11. Ezri Ana born on due date, Dec 30 2011!
    My Ovulation Chart 
    BFP 10-05-2014; MMC 11-15-2014.
    BFP 02-17-2015
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  • imageGoldenPeaches:
    I'd send a 50 cent card from Wal-Mart and call it a day. No need to worry about it or ruffle any feathers either. 

    Agreed.

  • imageGoldenPeaches:
    I'd send a 50 cent card from Wal-Mart and call it a day. No need to worry about it or ruffle any feathers either. 

    I don't know...I mean 50 cent card, 50 cent stamp. You're into it a dollar. Send an email!  

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