What emotion is this?

susanmosley

or what is wrong with me?I have worked for a family for 4 years.  I used to see their son at their home, now at his school for speeh therapy.  The family is crazy busy & they are trying all sorts of alternative treatments w/ their son.  Over the last few months they have gotten really bad about not telling me when he isn't at school - for a treatment usually.  So I get babysitter & such, get to his session, & he isn't there.  I've complained about them/this here before.  They no-show me about every 3rd session on average.  Each time, I call/email/text a reminder.  They apologize & tell me how busy they are.  I charge the full session fee - they willingly pay.  Upon today's no show, I emailed them a professional yet harsh email.  Mom immediately called me to apologize (i don't need the apology, I need my time & her respectfullness to tell me when he isn't at school!!).  And here is the entire purpose of this post - when I answered & she immediately apologized, I started crying.  No worries - not crying where she knew I was crying - but tears streaming down my face & had to take a big swallow to pull it together so I wouldn't have a shaky voice.  WTH?  Can anyone explain to me WHY in the world that was my reaction?  I really don't know why her apologizing to me made me feel like bawling....im a wimp.  On my phone (wasting time because I got stood up again) so excuse typos

MamatoJackson

I think you are frustrated and since you said that you are "a wimp" I think you're more frustrated because you probably want to cut off the professional relationship but feel stuck and unable to pull the plug.  

Maybe. 

gatogrrl

Yeah, frustration was my first thought, too.  I remember your previous post -- you seemed like you really liked them and wanted to help them.  But they're making it really hard on you.  Also maybe you're worried about them.  I mean, it's not unusual to be very busy, but it's weird that they keep not calling you.  So you don't know what's going on, and they never actually do anything different, they just apologize.  I would be pretty mad, but it's hard to be mad at nice people.

JessesGirl&MackenziesMom

You could be frustrated over conflicting emotions- how you feel about the parents' irresponsibility conflicting with how you feel about the son needing your services.

Daisy77

Ditto on frustration.  The same thing happens to me sometimes, I'm not sad or angry but I can't help but cry over the situation.  You're doing what you can to fix things and you feel like you're banging your head against a wall with less than favorable results.   

laney75

You don't like confrontation and it just came to that ( even though it was civil). So maybe anger, frustration, embarrassment? My 2 cents here... Would you consider dropping them as a client? They seem to cause a lot of problems, negative focus for you.

axr8111

Sadness. I know it sounds crazy but you have a lot to be sad about in this situation both personally and professionally and you've been keeping it professional all this time but you broke. You're human. I mean think about it, you're sad that they don't take you seriously enough to give you the decency to call, sad they they don't think what you doing is important enough to make sure their son doesn't miss, and sad that they're a just too damn busy to worry about what is best for their child. It all is sad in a deep rooted way, making you cry. So sorry. Those unexpected tears are the most painful. 

EnglishMajor03

axr8111:

Sadness. I know it sounds crazy but you have a lot to be sad about in this situation both personally and professionally and you've been keeping it professional all this time but you broke. You're human. I mean think about it, you're sad that they don't take you seriously enough to give you the decency to call, sad they they don't think what you doing is important enough to make sure their son doesn't miss, and sad that they're a just too damn busy to worry about what is best for their child. It all is sad in a deep rooted way, making you cry. So sorry. Those unexpected tears are the most painful. 

I 100% agree with this.

susanmosley

laney75:

My 2 cents here... Would you consider dropping them as a client? They seem to cause a lot of problems, negative focus for you.

In addition to apologizing, she always says, "Please don't drop us. I hope you will continue to see X - you are too important to not be in his life" and blah blah blah.

So, I would have a really hard time doing so.  Plus (and this shouldn't be the important part) the income I will miss by not seeing him is substantial - I feel horrible saying that =/

Thanks for the replies everyone.  I guess I was really frustrated....again.

She even said today, "I'm not being inconsiderate by not calling, I just don't even think to do it!!" - uh, isn't that inconsiderate in itself? 

susanmosley

axr8111:

Sadness. I know it sounds crazy but you have a lot to be sad about in this situation both personally and professionally and you've been keeping it professional all this time but you broke. You're human. I mean think about it, you're sad that they don't take you seriously enough to give you the decency to call, sad they they don't think what you doing is important enough to make sure their son doesn't miss, and sad that they're a just too damn busy to worry about what is best for their child. It all is sad in a deep rooted way, making you cry. So sorry. Those unexpected tears are the most painful. 

Um, I am going to add hormones into the explanation because this reply made me cry too! wow

laney75

susanmosley:

axr8111:

Sadness. I know it sounds crazy but you have a lot to be sad about in this situation both personally and professionally and you've been keeping it professional all this time but you broke. You're human. I mean think about it, you're sad that they don't take you seriously enough to give you the decency to call, sad they they don't think what you doing is important enough to make sure their son doesn't miss, and sad that they're a just too damn busy to worry about what is best for their child. It all is sad in a deep rooted way, making you cry. So sorry. Those unexpected tears are the most painful. 

Um, I am going to add hormones into the explanation because this reply made me cry too! wow

Awww... no shame in more tears!  Let them flow.  Damn hormones. 

As for the money... well it is your job.  If you are knowingly entering into this situation with them, but the money is important then... so be it.  And yes, she is inconsiderate.  And the fact that she doesn't even realize that not thinking of calling makes her inconsiderate is ... pretty bad.  

Daisy77

susanmosley:

laney75:

My 2 cents here... Would you consider dropping them as a client? They seem to cause a lot of problems, negative focus for you.

In addition to apologizing, she always says, "Please don't drop us. I hope you will continue to see X - you are too important to not be in his life" and blah blah blah.

So, I would have a really hard time doing so.  Plus (and this shouldn't be the important part) the income I will miss by not seeing him is substantial - I feel horrible saying that =/

Thanks for the replies everyone.  I guess I was really frustrated....again.

She even said today, "I'm not being inconsiderate by not calling, I just don't even think to do it!!" - uh, isn't that inconsiderate in itself? 

It is absolutely inconsiderate, how can she possibly think it's not?  You have a life too.  She asks for your time and "forgets" to tell you when it's not needed.  Everyone is busy,but that is still no reason for her to bail on you time and time again with a shrug and claim that she didn't get to it.  Just makes you wonder what else she "forgets" about...I know that sounds mean but in this day and age getting a message to someone is too damn easy.  Sorry you're dealing with this:( It's clear you want to help the little boy and it's a sucky situation they have put you in. 

luvmagoldn

I think everyone else covered the emotional part of this but I think you need to step it up in terms of consequences for them.  I would say for ANY missed/cancelled session for which they give you less than 24 hours notice you charge them the full session price plus some sort of penalty.  $50?  Double the session price?  Whatever it is you need to make them feel the pain on this.  It's just unacceptable.

susanmosley

luvmagoldn:

I think everyone else covered the emotional part of this but I think you need to step it up in terms of consequences for them.  I would say for ANY missed/cancelled session for which they give you less than 24 hours notice you charge them the full session price plus some sort of penalty.  $50?  Double the session price?  Whatever it is you need to make them feel the pain on this.  It's just unacceptable.

That's where I get so wimpy!  Yesterday, the mom was saying, "Charge me the full rate! (which I do), and whatever you had to pay for childcare.  Charge whatever you need to charge us."  They are quite well off financially and are now getting big time insurance reimbursement following years of appeals and fighting.  So the money has become a pretty non-issue for them.