Preemies

First b-day blues..

I've never posted on the preemie board before, but I have been lurking on and off since my son was born last July. 

My son, T. was born via emergency c-section at 31 1/2 weeks.  His birth was quite traumatic for my husband and me.  I was found unconscious by my husband at home.  When I was transported to the hospital, the doctor discovered that T.'s heart rate was dangerously low.  The decision was made to take him out immediately.   He spent 7 weeks in the NICU.  Those were very difficult weeks -- I hate thinking about our time in the NICU.  I felt so guilty that he had arrived early.  Although I felt like I had dealt with these feelings, as his first birthday gets closer, I find myself getting sad.  Is this normal?  I guess I'm wondering if any other parents have felt this way.

(I also feel guilty for feeling sad.  T. is a wonderful, healthy baby.  I know I'm so blessed).


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers

Re: First b-day blues..

  • Hi there - so sorry to read your post, but glad you said something. From what little you wrote, we have some similarities in story/timeline.

    What you're feeling is normal - I forget what they call it, but it's like seasonal depression. Your body senses a timeline and when a traumatic date rolls around (or a sad one) you'll have a lot of feelings resurface.

    For example when a parent dies that time of year is always hard on you, as is Mother's/Father's Day, or any significant day/time that is special to you.

    I suspect others who have passed their year date will share these feelings. I remember us all talking about passing our due dates and how odd that made us feel.

  • Totally normal. I'm feeling the same way as my DS's birthday approaches. I know I'm going to be a wreck on the day. As thankful as we are for our healthy babies, it doesn't take away from the fact that we lost a lot by having preemies. I hope you can find comfort knowing that we all have been or will be there at some point. ((hugs))
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  • It is totally normal.  I really started to struggle as E's first birthday approached.  It was difficult to think about the most frightening time in my life.  I felt a lot of guilt about how what should have been the happiest day of my life was one of my worst and by far the scariest.  I started therapy right around that time and it really helped.  The days leading up to the birthday really tough but her actual birthday was pretty nice.  Hugs you will get through it.
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  • Your post is timely...my son's first birthday is tomorrow.

    I definitely had many similar feelings over the past month or so.  First, I don't think you should feel guilty for your feelings.  Of course you are grateful and blessed to have your son.  You are just still grieving the way he joined you, and I think that is totally normal.  For me, its not remembering the NICU (we spent 21 weeks there, so actually I'm surprised that I don't have more bad memories of those months) but for me it was the night of his birth that still haunts me and I've been thinking about a lot the past few weeks.  Actually, so many times tonight I've turned to my DH and said "a year ago right now we were at the hospital...."  I think you just have to let yourself feel how ever you are feeling...and let yourself work through them in your own time.  It sounds like you definitely went through a tramatic experience with his birth.

    Even though I've had a lot of sadness the past few weeks, tonight more than anything I am just feeling love for my son, soooo grateful that he is with us, and so lucky that he is doing so well.  But, it's still hard.  Lots of understanding coming your way.  ((HUGS)) to you

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  • imagenjdcgirl:
    Even though I've had a lot of sadness the past few weeks, tonight more than anything I am just feeling love for my son, soooo grateful that he is with us, and so lucky that he is doing so well.  But, it's still hard.  Lots of understanding coming your way.  ((HUGS)) to you

    ::hugs::

    Your response was lovely - happy first birthday tomorrow. I guess we each have the power to set the precident for each birthday/anniversary and as haunting as the memories are we have to make it a good day. I've thought about that a bit lately. I don't want 26 March to be "the day mamma gets sad" to DS.

  • imagenjdcgirl:
    Even though I've had a lot of sadness the past few weeks, tonight more than anything I am just feeling love for my son, soooo grateful that he is with us, and so lucky that he is doing so well.  But, it's still hard.  Lots of understanding coming your way.  ((HUGS)) to you

    ::hugs::

    Your response was lovely - happy first birthday tomorrow. I guess we each have the power to set the precident for each birthday/anniversary and as haunting as the memories are we have to make it a good day. I've thought about that a bit lately. I don't want 26 March to be "the day mamma gets sad" to DS.

  • Thank you so much for encouraging responses.  It's nice to know that it's normal to feel this way and that I'm not alone. 
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers
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