July 2011 Moms

My probably pathetic vent...

My vent is probably pretty dumb, but it bothers me none the less. Everyone keeps offering to babysit our little boy.

I know this sounds like something I should be grateful for and maybe when he's older I will be, but we have people crawling out of the woodwork trying to get us to leave him with them when he's as little as two days old. Like I'm going to drop him off at their house on my way home from the hospital or something.

My brothers girlfriend constantly makes comments about how we'll leave LO with them overnight while he's tiny, and now more people are joining in on the give us your baby board. I feel like I haven't even gotten to hold/see him yet and there are already so many people with their hands out for him.

I'm well aware that i'm his parent and I make the rules, but I know that many people are going to be super offended that I won't let them keep him when he's just days old. It's frustrating that instead of offering to help out around the house (laundry or vaccuming or something) they all just want to take the baby and leave.

Am I just hormonally crazy or is anyone else going through this as well?

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Re: My probably pathetic vent...

  • "I'm sorry but for the first few months we will be nursing and won't be able to leave him alone. Thanks for the offer though!"

  • If they get offended because you won't let them take your brand new baby, they're just ignorant!

    My grandma keeps saying we should either give her the new baby or DD1, who is 2 1/2. Apparently she thinks I'm incompetent and can't handle 2 kids.

     You're not crazy, people are just, well, ignorant.  

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  • I can see how that might be frustrating, but maybe most of those people are just trying to be supportive?  As someone who lives far from family and so has had NO such offers (and therefore won't expect to have another date night for the next 9 months or so...) maybe it's easier for me to see the other side of things.  

    Don't burn any bridges because while you might not want to drop baby off at 2 days old, at 2 months old you might just be really glad to have that help. 

    DD Born July 2011
    TTC#2 for 4 years: multiple rounds of IVF, M/Cs, lots of tears.  Cautiously optimistic about #2 EDD 12/29/18
  • yeah that is a little weird, I think people just think they are being helpful and dont get it....I would just tell them that you will let them know if you need a sitter, but that you dont really have any plans that dont include the baby for the time being, and then just say something like I just cant get enough of him...but when I do you'll be the first to know.
    BabyFruit Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imagekatiewhompus:

    "I'm sorry but for the first few months we will be nursing and won't be able to leave him alone. Thanks for the offer though!"

    This is a great, tactful response!  I'm totally going to use it.  I've been getting lots of offers for "help" from family...but they mean they want to just hold the baby.  And yes, maybe I will want/need the break, but not at first!  In those first few weeks especially, my preference is to lay around the house with my shirt off trying to figure out this whole BF thing!  The kind of help I want is housework, grocery shopping or cooking!!!  All other 'help' need not apply at this time.

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  • People are just excited.

    More times than not it's an empty offer and something to talk about.

    Once LO is here, the fun factor wears off and everyone's all settled, the people will go away except for those that truly want to babysit.

    Just say, "Thanks for the offer. I'll keep it in mind when the time comes."

    After all, you don't want to burn bridges with the few people that truly want to help.

  • That does seem a little odd to me. Then again, my MIL has said she won't even hold LO until she's a couple weeks old b/c MIL thinks that it will confuse LO's sense of who her mommy is.

    I'm also wondering where do these people think you're going to be going just days after he's born? It's not like you'll be taking off for ladies' lunches and spa appts every day. 

    At our childbirth class, the nurse gave us some very good advice. She said there are 2 types of people who will want to visit you: those who bring food and want to help around the house while you bond w/ LO and those who want to bond themselves w/ LO and be entertained. She said to welcome the first group with open arms and politely request that the second group stay away.  

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  • jlm245jlm245 member
    Send them over here! Smile
  • imagemeg211:
    imagekatiewhompus:

    "I'm sorry but for the first few months we will be nursing and won't be able to leave him alone. Thanks for the offer though!"

    This is a great, tactful response!  I'm totally going to use it.  I've been getting lots of offers for "help" from family...but they mean they want to just hold the baby.  And yes, maybe I will want/need the break, but not at first!  In those first few weeks especially, my preference is to lay around the house with my shirt off trying to figure out this whole BF thing!  The kind of help I want is housework, grocery shopping or cooking!!!  All other 'help' need not apply at this time.

    That is the impression from most of the help offers we've had as well. They hold the baby while H or I cook them dinner, clean, do laundry, run errands, etc. That's not really what we need at the moment. I've also found that mentioning "nursing" or "breastfeeding" has a tendency to make people really uncomfortable and less likely to plan on hanging out all day.

  • imagedairygirl19:

    People are just excited.

    More times than not it's an empty offer and something to talk about.

    Once LO is here, the fun factor wears off and everyone's all settled, the people will go away except for those that truly want to babysit.

    Just say, "Thanks for the offer. I'll keep it in mind when the time comes."

    After all, you don't want to burn bridges with the few people that truly want to help.

    Yes Except that I typically  say "Can I get that in writing?" and laugh lol.

    Mr.&Mrs. Ash&Vic Est.1.21.2006 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • My MIL is going to get punched in the head if she doesn't stop whining how she wants DD1 to come stay at her house a few more times this summer. First of all they won't drive up here to get her so MH has to drive 6 hours roundtrip to drop off DD halfway to meet them in northern IN. Second of all we need DD to be used to the baby and vice versa. A house with a preschooler in it isn't quiet, and LO won't be quiet at night. Not to mention I don't want DD to feel like she is being shipped off because of the baby. IF we go to IN in august to se MHs cousin who is an expat living in sweden and his family then she might get to go a week on the front or end of that weekend. But that is only if I think the LO will tolerate staying there / car trip.

    I'd snap up daytime sitting offers, even BFing. Even if its just so you can grab a nap and a shower, or go shopping w/o LO. Once you get a routine established you can always pump for overnights too.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    DD1, Kathleen 9/15/2007

    imageimage

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