1st Trimester

Conflicted about Family

In the last year we just moved closer to home (CO) after living all over the U.S. for over 10 years. Dealing with pushy family has been interesting when I just avoided their issues before. Now that I am pregnant I find myself not wanting to tell my extended family. Both my grandmothers are hypocondriacs (spelling is wrong I know) and only have negative things to say about everything! One of my cousins is a doula and is super pushy about her ideas on home birth. I just want to be excited but am dreading dealing with those family that are pushy and have a hard time just being happy.

 So I haven't answered my phone in over a week...my one grandmother calls every day to tell me what is wrong with her and blame any problems on my deceased grandfather and my mother, my other grandmother just shows up at my house randomly to move my furniture around (not cool with me) and *** that my aunt is causing problems (she has bone cancer and my grandmother makes her cry all the time). I am wondering why we wanted to move closer to our families and how I should deal with them. Avoiding them is not the answer but I should be happy about this not dreading dealing with those around me.

Any good ideas for growing a backbone with people that refuse to see their behavior is not acceptable? I am at a complete lose and wish that I knew they would be happy for us instead of their normal reactions to everything. Sorry this is so long I needed to vent!

Re: Conflicted about Family

  • The only thing that's going to solve your problems is to stop putting so much stock in to what they think and let them know that you will not tolerate any negative comments.  Just wait till the baby comes!  Then they will ALL really know what's best for LO.  You've got a lonnnngggggg journey ahead of you, you've got to find some way to cope or it's going to be your undoing!  Let them know that while you value their opinion, you'll take it into consideration,etc. and leave it at that.  Good luck! 
  • Sheesh, that's a lot to deal with.  

    If I were you I would keep the info to myself as long as possible.  That's actually what we did last time and what we'll do this time as well.  You may want to tell your Mom or Dad or whomever, but I would refrain because sometimes even good people can't keep their mouths shut.  

    The longer you keep it to yourself the less you have to deal with the "advice".  I would also start establishing boundaries and learning to say "NO".  If they get offended, that's their problem.  When the unwanted advice comes, just smile and nod and do what you were going to do anyway.

    I hope you can focus on the pregnancy and enjoy it as much as possible without anyone else ruining it.   

     

     

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  • Lol, thanks! I know I let them get to me way too much. I usually am the buffer between my grandmothers and my parents (due to choices my grandmothers have made towards my immediate family growing up). My cousin may be pushy but she will back me up if they get too opinionated. Neither of them have listened to any family member that lets them know they are out of line, I just need to remind myself that I am in good company (the rest of my family feels the same way). My husbands family on the other hand is not pushy or overwhelming at all, they are awesome! Thanks!
  • That is perfect advice and exactly what I was thinking I would do. My parents and my siblings know but due to the same issues I am not worried about them saying anything. I live closer to my extended family than they do. The longer I keep it to myself though I know that I am going to get completely chewed out. A very good reason to have caller id and just them them know I am not going to tolerate their behavior because this does not revolve around them.

    I think to just smile is the best answer as they are stuck in their ways and everyone wants to give their two cents.

    BTW I am a Wildcat and I miss Kansas! 

  • Seems like you need to set some boundries.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • My in-laws are somewhat pushy as well, and with my first pregnancy, followed by all the newborn-advice, I came up with a phrase that i would just repeat to them over and over.... "Thanks, but that is a decision Matt and i will make together".  The meaning behind it being "Butt out, you're not included in the decision process".  Especially when it comes to your birthing experience, or parenting issues, etc. "Thanks, but that is a decision Matt and i will make together".  "Thanks, but that is a decision Matt and i will make together".  etc. etc.  They eventually got the hint.
  • When the Manson Family wanted to get a point across to someone, they would come into their home and rearrainge their furniture.  CHANGE YOUR LOCKS.

     

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  • imageklratliff:

    That is perfect advice and exactly what I was thinking I would do. My parents and my siblings know but due to the same issues I am not worried about them saying anything. I live closer to my extended family than they do. The longer I keep it to myself though I know that I am going to get completely chewed out. A very good reason to have caller id and just them them know I am not going to tolerate their behavior because this does not revolve around them.

    I think to just smile is the best answer as they are stuck in their ways and everyone wants to give their two cents.

    BTW I am a Wildcat and I miss Kansas! 

     

    I will forgive you because at least you're not a tiger.  I miss KS as well.  

  • I feel for you.  DH's family is pretty pushy and noisy as well.  I let as much roll off my back as I possibly can then try to politely shut down their suggestions when I can't take it anymore.  Needless to say I snap once in a while and they really get the hint to layoff/ avoid me for a while.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My family is really difficult as well.  As the preg person, we don't need to put ourselves into any situation we don't want to be in.  It's our right to tell or not tell whom we choose.  It also sounds as if you don't need to avoid the phone if your family mostly wants to talk about themselves anyway.  Just give them the uh-huhs they're looking for and tell them when you're comfortable. 
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