Negative attitudes towards this pregnancy(slight vent)(long)

jenmarshall88

This pregnancy wasn't planned. DH and I have always had a rocky relationship but we've made it through and to me it shows how much we love each other and can fight to maintain our relationship. We are both still in school(I'll be taking a year or two off then going back eventually. DH is going to be finished this spring). I'm 22 and my parent's have always wanted me to wait until my late 20s before having a child. 

DH and I weren't married when we got pregnant(though we had been discussing it for a while) and definitely not financially stable for the baby.

So yes, ideally it was bad timing. But what happened and happened and it is such a blessing in my eyes. I love my child so much and would never take it back--not for better money or anything. Things are falling into place wonderfully. We will have to work harder to make ends meet but it's worth it to me.

I knew my parent's weren't going to take it well and they didn't. My mom amazingly came around much faster than I expected but my dad still hasn't.

It's starting to bother me. Especially since DH's entire family is so supportive and excited. I know if they could have it their way, they would have waited until we were better off. But we didn't and they aren't saying "What if..."

My dad has this attitude like let's make lemonade out of lemons. He keeps telling me we'll get through this. And that one day my life will be okay and I'll be happy. In the beginning he was telling me I was trash and doing everything in his power to get me to have an abortion. So this is better but it still puts such a damper on the excitement we feel when I talk to him and am around him. I don't want to cut him out of the experience because I love him and I know once little Oliver is here he'll love him and be so happy.

I guess I just expected for him to come around better by now and it disappoints me that he still can't just be happy because obviously having a sour attitude about it changes nothing. 

MrsCase1

perhaps because you're so young he feels he is entitled to speak to you in a rude and inapropriate manner. or, maybe like in many families, he thinks your family relations allow license to speak this way. either way, it needs to end. since you're a grown, married woman, you need to set some boundaries and put him in his place. i know you love him (i love my dad when he says asinine things, too) but it is TIME. if it were me i would sit him down in private and say, 'dad, parent-to-parent, i know that you are disappointed in some of the decisions i have made. i respect your right to an opinion. however, you need to know that you have gotten your point across, and at this point your comments aren't doing anything productive for our relationship. you're hurting me and causing me unnecessary stress. i dont want it to negatively impact our relationship for the future. if you dont have anything nice to say, then say nothing. if you're incapable of stopping the comments, then we need to put some distance between us till you can accept MY choices." i have a super sharp tongue so i'd likely add something like, 'and by the way, you don't have to like my choices, their mine and mine alone.' but that wont solve anything so leave that part out, lol.  

jenmarshall88

Mrs Case:

perhaps because you're so young he feels he is entitled to speak to you in a rude and inapropriate manner. or, maybe like in many families, he thinks your family relations allow license to speak this way. either way, it needs to end. since you're a grown, married woman, you need to set some boundaries and put him in his place. i know you love him (i love my dad when he says asinine things, too) but it is TIME. if it were me i would sit him down in private and say, 'dad, parent-to-parent, i know that you are disappointed in some of the decisions i have made. i respect your right to an opinion. however, you need to know that you have gotten your point across, and at this point your comments aren't doing anything productive for our relationship. you're hurting me and causing me unnecessary stress. i dont want it to negatively impact our relationship for the future. if you dont have anything nice to say, then say nothing. if you're incapable of stopping the comments, then we need to put some distance between us till you can accept MY choices." i have a super sharp tongue so i'd likely add something like, 'and by the way, you don't have to like my choices, their mine and mine alone.' but that wont solve anything so leave that part out, lol.  

Thanks for the advice and for understanding ::hugs:: 

jellybean0110

Mrs Case:

perhaps because you're so young he feels he is entitled to speak to you in a rude and inapropriate manner. or, maybe like in many families, he thinks your family relations allow license to speak this way. either way, it needs to end. since you're a grown, married woman, you need to set some boundaries and put him in his place. i know you love him (i love my dad when he says asinine things, too) but it is TIME. if it were me i would sit him down in private and say, 'dad, parent-to-parent, i know that you are disappointed in some of the decisions i have made. i respect your right to an opinion. however, you need to know that you have gotten your point across, and at this point your comments aren't doing anything productive for our relationship. you're hurting me and causing me unnecessary stress. i dont want it to negatively impact our relationship for the future. if you dont have anything nice to say, then say nothing. if you're incapable of stopping the comments, then we need to put some distance between us till you can accept MY choices." i have a super sharp tongue so i'd likely add something like, 'and by the way, you don't have to like my choices, their mine and mine alone.' but that wont solve anything so leave that part out, lol.  

  Well said!  He obvoiusly still views you as his little girl rather than an adult (which will probably never change - I have this same problem still and I'm 26!).  Maybe you just need to have a rational conversation with him to remind him that you are an adult capable of making your own choices.  And just remember that he has this attitude because he loves you and wants the best for you in life (according to him).  Even though it might make matters worse, it comes from a place of love and caring for you.  And I'm sure he will love and care for your LO just as much!

gbtc01

My parents had a hard time adjusting to the idea of us having kids too. DH wasn't done with school and I was a school teacher making peanuts. My mom actually said "well that wasn't planned was it" when we first told them about DD.

That said, I now have a hard time finding time just for us on the weekends because my parents adore DD and are way over excited for #2. It is possible that they will adjust and be the best g-parents ever. It takes time for parents to realize their little ones are all grown up. They may be worried about you and what this means for you and your DH knowing you guys have had a rocky past.

From one younger mom to another, make sure you and DH are solid before the baby comes. Be ont he same page about just about everything so that you can handle the stress of a new family and the stress your parents will bring. I would even say counseling now may help you adjust to the changes a baby brings.

Good Luck, I never thought my parents would be on board the way they are. If they can be good g-parents I am sure so can yours.