1st Trimester

I feel like a bad Mom. (vent/long)

I am about 9-10wks pregnant, and I have an (almost) 11mo son. I am also a SAHM and my son has never spent more than a few hours away from me, and certainly never almost a full day.

Lately, I have had horrid M/S. I had it very bad when I was pregnant with DS as well, but it was more manageable seeing as I could lay around the house all day. I finally came to stay with my Mom for a few days while my DH is working really long hours, just so I would have help. 

I feel like I have hardly spent anytime with DS lately. Yesterday I spent the whole morning sick in the bathroom, then fell asleep, and didn't even see DS until around noon. He doesn't seem to be too bothered by it, he seems to miss me for about 2 minutes then he is off doing his thing. I am on a couple medications for my M/S but they aren't working enough to let me be the everyday Mom I have been. 

I guess I am feeling like I should be stronger and able to handle this better. I know it's only temporary, but it's very hard on me.

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Re: I feel like a bad Mom. (vent/long)

  • I can understand how you would feel that way, but hopefully the m/s will pass and then you can go back to spending time with your L/o.

    I'm sure he's having fun playing with grandmom and he knows that you're not feeling good.

    Just tell yourself that he's having fun and you need your rest and hopefully m/s will pass.

    Good luck, I hope you feel better.

    Married July 2006

     MC Feb 2009 8 weeks

    MC Dec 2009 8 weeks

     MC Oct 2013 8 weeks

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  • You really really need to give yourself a break. First of all, it is a good, healthy thing to have your son relying and interacting with other caregivers. And it is OK to not be there 100% of the time.  You are sick- you feel horrible and need to rest for you and the baby. I work full time and was the same way- I hardly had an ounce of energy to even interact with my 2 1/2 year old. It felt bad but she is fine and I knew she would be.

    I also think it is good moving forward to get rid of that guilt otherwise you will always feel it with 2 kids.  Taking time for yourself- even when you feel good, is positive and you should do it moving forward.

     I hope you feel better soon, and glad your mom can help you.

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  • I have been feeling the same feelings.... DD is 2 and has all the energy in the world. She is used to going to the park, playing outside, taking bike rides, going to the pool, etc. I have been having really bad morning sickness too and have been too tired to do much more than sit on the couch. Finally I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel... at 11 weeks I am starting to feel better. The ms isn't bother me so much, but I do nap every afternoon when DD goes down. Just hang in there... it will get better and there isn't going to be any permenent damage done.
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  • You can't help feeling sick, any more than you could help having a broken arm or anything else that might make it hard to care for DS for a while.  That's what family and friends are for!  I'm sure he is enjoying having a fresh audience.  I think you should give yourself a break and skip the guilt.  Think about how you feel right now and what you are expecting of yourself.  Is it realistic?  If your DS or your next LO felt this bad and couldn't function well, would you want them to feel the guilt about it that you feel right now?  Because if you continue to be so hard on yourself every time you fall short of perfection, that's a lesson your kids are going to eventually learn, too, and you probably don't want that.
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  • I feel the same way, but my DD is 3.  I work, so being home in the evenings with DD is very important to me.  I can count on one hand the number of times I was not the person to get her ready and tuck her into bed.  But last night I just felt so miserable, I took her to MIL's to stay the night.  She kept asking me to play "house" with her, and I felt awful telling her no over and over.  Luckily my SIL is in town, and was more then happy to have a slumber party with DD, so I know she had a good time.  But that mommy guilt still stings!
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  • There really is no other option, right? The alternative is laying around all day not giving him attention anyway...I say count it a blessing your mom is happy to play grandma. It will be good for them to bond and for you to focus on getting through each day. Cheer up;)
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