Help!!!

smith486

I haven't been on here in a while, because waiting around for someone to pick you isn't very interesting so I didn't have anything to share. 

Well... a colleague came up to me yesterday and told me she may have a match for us. Her acquaintance is young and has decided to make an adoption plan. She wants to meet DH and I. 

What do we do next? Do I give her my contact information or do I get hers? How do we do this?

I have signed with an agency, but if I can do a private adoption it would be SO much cheaper. My agency will allow me to push "pause" on my adoption process and then pick it back up later when/if we are ready again (assuming this one works out).  

I was very adamant with my colleague that the girl needs counseling before she creates an adoption plan, and apparently she has (I will find out more when I meet her). I just don't know what to do now. I am afraid if I call her I will sound strange, but I am sure she would feel the same way contacting me. 

Has anyone done this before or have any advise? 

MrsKolasa

Our first match was an aquaintance. We gave her our email and cell info. She emailed and texted for a few days as she was uncomfortable calling. Then she wanted to meet. We met her, BF, and her mom at Perkins to chat. It went really well and we just took it from there.

We let her guide the conversation at first, but it just felt really natural after the first few minutes. We made sure she had counseling and support from her family and she did.

Good luck!

slaintexas

Is there a chance that your agency does identified adoptions (i.e. you find your own birth mother?)  Ours does that.  The birth mother gets all the benefits of the agency, especially counseling and legal help, but the adoptive family pays much less than they would if the agency found the birth mother.

smith486

Thank you both for your quick replies. I am trying to remain "cautiously optimistic" but it is very hard. I told my coworker to give the potential BM my cell number and I made a new non-identifying email for her. Hopefully we will hear something soon. She is due mid-August!!!

My agency doesn't allow any reduced-fee matching thing. We would be stuck with a 9,000 fee (on top of the 5,000 we have already paid) plus the 3,000 for BM expenses, 8,000 in legal fees, etc. about 15,000 total left to pay with them. If I go private, my sister can do the legal work from her office for a reduced fee and I would gladly pay for the potential BM's counseling... including after delivery. 

amm78

I hope this works out for you!

In our contract with our agency, it says that if we find an expectant mother and complete an adoption outside of the agency, then the agency considers that as fulfillment of their end of the contract... or something like that.  So, we would not be able to go on hold while we complete a private adoption, then pick back up and adopt through them.  So, you might want to check into that.

Good luck! 

Jenn is Silly

We were in a very similar situation. Our mutual contact asked BM if she's consider our family, she said yes and I had the opportunity to meet her informally. We then agreed to meet for lunch with DH and BM's mother a few days later. We let conversation flow at lunch and after about an hour and a half we showed them our photos we brought and gave her the letter DH had written her and that flowed into discussion about an adoption plan. Praying for you and the birth family- that you all find what's right for all of you!

Honeydew1894

amm78:

I hope this works out for you!

In our contract with our agency, it says that if we find an expectant mother and complete an adoption outside of the agency, then the agency considers that as fulfillment of their end of the contract... or something like that.  So, we would not be able to go on hold while we complete a private adoption, then pick back up and adopt through them.  So, you might want to check into that.

Good luck! 

My agency is the same way. To be honest, that's why I am not networking all that much, bc I feel like they should since I would have to pay either way. 

smith486

My agency specifically mentioned that if we found our own match, or became pregnant, that they would pause our adoption with them and pick it up later. The agency encourages adoptive parents to continue to pursue infertility treatments if they are struggling with infertility. The agency was created by an adoptive mother so I assume this is because she struggled with infertility herself.

Anyway, they addressed this issue before it even became a "problem." I really hope it all works out, thanks for the words of encouragement!