Why would full-time preschool be "too much?" (vent!)
flyer23
member
Seems like when preschool registration rolls around every spring, both IRL and online, I hear SAHMs saying stuff like, "I'm sending my child to preschool three days a week. The school does have the option for 5 days, but that's way too much school for a kid that age!"
Does anyone else not understand this line of thinking, at all? DD has been in preschool 9 hours/day 5 days/week since she was 2... because as a working mom, I didn't really have an option to send her for less time. And you know what? SHE'S FINE. I mean, it's not like she's sitting at a desk studying for those nine hours. IT IS A PRESCHOOL. They understand what PRESCHOOLERS are capable of. At DD's school, they spend less than 2 hours/day doing actual preschool-type work. The rest of the time is playing outside, lunch, naptime, free play, story time, etc.
Do those SAHMs think that all of the kids of working moms are burned out by age 4 from allllllllllllllllllllll those hours in preschool/daycare?
Whatever.
Sorry. I just had to vent.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
Re: Why would full-time preschool be "too much?" (vent!)
I think they think its like "school" Where they sit at desks and get drilled about math all day. These are the same people who drill their kids to know the alphabet by 2 and can count to 30, etc. as though its some remarkable achievement.
I don't think they realize how much of preschool is just learning to get along and basic life/school skills (sharing, taking turns, following directions, manners, etc.) and not factoids.
I'm going to play devil's advocate and say I kind of understand this mentality.
I work part time, and since I dont work that many hours (under 20), I split childcare between DH/my parents because I can make my own hours. I don't want a 5 day a week preschool either and want a 2-3 day a week option. It isnt worth it from a cost perspective as I dont pay for childcare, and I think it would be a big transition for DS too. I think there's a difference between a child that's been in a daycare situation since birth and they're used to it as opposed to a child that's spent their whole life getting 1 on 1 attention. I do want to transition him slowly because it will be an adjustment.
I think for a child never attending any sort of daycare, to go to a 5 day a week situation would probably be too much for that child. But for my DD, who has been cared for out of her home during most of the work week, since 3 months old, it would not.
I guess it depends on the child or situation. But as a blanket statement, they're wrong. And morons
Many say that pre-school is not needed; that it is worthless. I don't get that at all. I know moms who do not want to put their kids in pre-school but are constantly drilling them with academic stuff. Great, your child can read at 2 (exagerating but you get the point) but what about social interaction? I love how schools seem to have a great balance between academics, work at stations and play.
I am wondering what are they going to do when all their children are in school? Just saying...........
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
DD was in small in-home situations from birth to age 2. She was in a nanny share from 4-11 months, with a 2-year-old and the nanny's 4-year-old daughter. Then she went to a SAHM from 12-23 months, where she was the only baby; the SAHM's kids were school age. And she transitioned directly into full-time preschool at age 2, with no problems.
I know there are plenty of reasons why someone might not want full-time preschool. Heck, when DH and I were home on leave with DS, we dropped DD down to 4 days/week at preschool -- and I was pushing to drop her down to 3 or even 2 days a week. I wanted to save some money and I wanted more time at home with her.
But if those are the reasons, come out and say those are the reasons! What bugs me is when people act like they're not doing full-time preschool for the child's benefit, when really, in the vast majority of cases, the child will be fine either way.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
I work full time but some of the preschools I have looked into are too expensive! Over $100 a day for preschool! I can't afford that, so we will probably be sending her 2-3 days too and keep her in day care the others.
Oh, I know that if something happened and I had to put my child in full time daycare/preschool, it wouldnt kill him or anything. I'm sure he would adjust just fine. I would prefer to slowly transition him (starting with 2-3 days a week, then only moving him to 5 days during the spring of the year he would be starting kindergarten) and I do understand why moms would have that preference.
IMO, whatever works for each person's family is what is best... I really don't care what anyone chooses as long as the child is well cared for and generally happy.
Will the mommy wars ever end? So much energy and angst should be directed somewhere useful.
If FT preschool works for you and your family. Rock on. awesome.
It doesn't work for me- I am a WAHM- I own my own business- i consider myself a SAHM- as I don't have childcare most of the time. For me there is no point for FT preschool. people that SAH- do so for a reason- (just as people who work do so for a reason) -- whatever that reason be it- (for me it is to SAH with my kids-)--- so PT preschool (when she goes) is what we are doing. She has plenty of time for schooling in the coming years- extra preschool isn't going to make or break her educational career. She plays PLENTY- has plenty of socialization- and everything she would get elsewise.
FT preschool doesn't work for my family (right now) and that is pretty much that.
I'm not saying that everyone should choose FT preschool. Again, when I had the choice, I chose not to send my kid to FT preschool. I get that there are completely valid reasons for making that choice. That's fine.
I'm just saying that it's a little ridiculous to make that choice because "it's too much for the child." Like those of us who do send our kids to FT preschool (either because we choose to or because we have to) are doing them a disservice.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
umm I get what you are saying to a degree- however like someone else pointed out your kid is USED to FT care outside of the house- so regardless- FT daycare or FT preschool- is 6 of one half doz of another---
For a child who has NOT been away or a FT- doing FT preschool could very well be 'too much' --- (either for mom or kiddo- or both)--- how i look at it- I find it silly at say 3 to pay for FT preschool when all it is (as outlined in this post) is playing, circle time, sharing etc. I do that at home with my kid/s- FT preschool isn't necessary. She is adequately socialized plenty- so that isn't my concern (yet)-
I do NOT think any SAHM is judging WMs for sending kids to FT preschool-
WM's kiddos are used to being in care outside of the house..... their (SAHM) kids are not. One isn't better than the other- just different circumstances.
i have experienced both - DS1 was in full time daycare for 2.5 years and did awesome. When i had the twins i went part time- so now DS1 is in daycare 3 days/week and the twins are in daycare 2 days/week.... and i am very glad to have those 2-3 days at home with them all --- so i think what the SAHM's are saying is that they want more home time with the kids- days without school so they can plan outings, play dates, etc - since any home day that we have any type of appointment to go to - it pretty much takes up the day between that + nap... and is hard to do much else fun.... so i think that is what they mean - not that it's too much on the child.
I think you need to relax and not worry so much about what other people think for their own children.
is using blanket statements inappropriate? sure. but you sound a bit defensive. I'm sure they are thinking of preschool in a different manner than daycare... preschools do vary from region.. .I know some pretty darn academic preschools/preK programs. and many daycares have "preschool hours" that are just a portion of the day with organized special preschool activities. whatevs. doesn't matter. I doubt they are attacking you... they are thinking in terms of their own situations.
I work at a school that includes preschool (starting at age 3). We ask that all our preschoolers come all 5 days/week because it's important for the continuity of the class. However, we offer half or full days. For a long time we weren't allowing the 3 year olds to take advantage of our after school program (from 3-5:30) because we felt that 8-5:30 was too long of a day for a 3 year old (even though we do have nap time). Finally at a staff meeting one of the staff said, "These children will be in full time care no matter what if their parents need it, so if we don't let them stay all day they'll go somewhere else and stay all day there. Wouldn't we rather have them here and make sure they're happy and well cared for even if it's a long day." It was an excellent point and now we allow 3 year olds to stay as long as everyone else. Very few actually take advantage of it, but we've managed to retain several families because of it.
This is a ridiculous argument. I'm so sick of the SAHM/WM argument. Don't take it so personally.
I'm a working mom turned SAHM, and our plan all along has been for DD to attend 3 days a week preschool. All the good ones in my area are expensive, and I'd rather have her 3 days a week preschool and 2 days a week in (less expensive) childcare!
Riiiight.
I'm in the camp that different situations work better for different families and different children. Anyone who says that having a kid in a daycare/preschool setting all day is harmful to the child is full of sh!t. However, it's equally ridiculous to make a blanket statement that the "real" reason is wanting to avoid work.
We're starting older DD a couple of days in the fall, because we feel that's what's best for her and our family. DH still has younger DD as an excuse by this line of thinking for not working, and it would be a heck of a lot easier on him *to* start DD full time, but as I said, this plan is what we feel will work best for us. And (*gasp*, clutch pearls) it's in large part because it really would be too much for her to go full time. She's got activities every day as it is now and close friendships with other kids of SAHP, it would be really jarring to suddenly go to full time in preschool for...well, nothing. Just like a lot of SAHP's don't have a good understanding of daycare/preschool, a lot of WP's have this image of SAHP's sitting at home all day staring at their kids, which is pretty warped, too.
As for the "what about when they're kids start school" argument...um...obviously, starting the kids part time is part of a transition plan. It would be like arguing that because you are comfortable with your child going to college one day that you should put them in boarding school now.
You are completely missing the point of my vent. As are a lot of people.
Let me try again. I am not saying that every child should be in FT preschool.
If you, as the parent, do not want to send your child to FT preschool, for whatever reason, FINE! But just be upfront and say that you don't want to do it. (Which multiple posters, including you, have done in this thread, BTW!)
Don't make a blanket statement that FT preschool is "too much" for the kids.
Just to give an example. I have a friend ("M") who is a SAHM, and chooses to send her son ("Z") to preschool 5 days/week half days. Her SIL ("H") is also a SAHM, and she sends her son, who is Z's age, to preschool 3 days/week. When H found out about M's choice, she commented, "Oh, poor Z! Having to spend all that time in school." I didn't ask H what she thought about my poor DD, who is in school about 3x as long as Z...
And really, it's not about SAHM vs. WM. I think fundamentally, a lot of it comes down to the parent's comfort level with group child care settings. WMs tend to have more experience and therefore a higher comfort level with group child care settings in general, but that's not always the case. I have a friend who works FT and has a nanny for her 3-year-old son, and she's almost as bad with the comments.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
ITA. If you're comfortable with your decision, these kind of statements shouldn't bother you so much.