My mom sent this to me in an email. Thought you all would enjoy it:) I am a teacher, so I found it particularly funny.
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade t eacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.' 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. 'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.) 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.) 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!) 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten.. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.' Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it'sshow-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
Re: Funny Story
"'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'" Isaiah 55:8-9
BFP #1 7/4/2010--Natural M/C 8/4/2010
BFP #2 4/25/2011 Please stick, baby!! EDD 1/1/2012
Forever Buddy to carrieandtim
DS1 Jan 2012
DS2 July 2013
DS3 February 2016
Hilarious! Thanks for sharing! I love the umbrella cord, the middle wife with no delivery sign on her car, and the play-center lol
? BFP#1 EDD 3/15/2011 cp 7/14/2010 ? ~ ? BFP#2 EDD 6/26/2011 d&c 12/9/2010 ?
? BFP#3 EDD 2/7/2012 ? BFP Chart
BFP-2/4/10 EDD-9/27/10 M/C-2/11/10 7w3d D&C and Methotrexate-2/19/10
BFP-11/21/10 M/C-11/25/10
Clomid Cycle #1-BFN
Clomid Cycle #2-BFP-1/18/2011 M/C-1/26/2011
BFP-5/18/11 Riley arrived 2/3/12 8lbs6oz 21.5in
APS, hetero factor v leiden & MTHFR
bfp #1 - 12.11.07, edd 8.14.08, mm/c 1.21.08 (10w4d)
bfp #2 - 4.4.08, edd 12.3.08, mm/c 5.14.08 (11w)
bfp #3 - 8.3.08, edd 4.15.09, mm/c 9.17.08 (10w)
bfp #4 - 1.15.09, edd 9.26.09, mm/c 2.16.09 (8w2d)
bfp #5 - 6.16.09, edd 2.25.10, mm/c 7.23.09 (9w)
bfp #6 - 8.12.10, edd 4.27.11, mm/c 9.16.10 (8w1d)
one more try -> bfp #7 - 2.11, our miracle baby boy arrived 10.11
ttc again -> bfp #8 - 5.3.13, edd 1.13.14, mm/c 5.30.13 (7w3d)
BFP 12/05/10 (EDD 8/8/11), empty gestational sac 12/31/10, natural miscarriage 01/05/11
BFP 03/03/11, EDD 11/09/11, We love you so much already, our sweet little munchkin!!!
*Congrats to buddies MrsAtch, cflocco, MommyandKate, luckylady55, opallover, trishiepoo, stephsteph77, and Pachita! Praying for healthy babies for all of you!*
*Congrats to my buddy, Izabella22 (BFP 5/11/11)!!!Sending you Ts and Ps for a healthy, take-home baby!
*Congrats to my buddy, myaddiwaddi06(BFP 10/31/11)!!!Sending you Ts and Ps for a healthy, take-home baby!
My Life
BFP 7.7.09 - CVS 9.10.09 (Girl) - 9.24.09 Severe Fatal Malformation - D&E 10.7.09 @ 17wks
BFP 6.1.10 - 6.10.10 Ectopic M/C @ 5wks
BFP 10.26.10 - 10.29.10 CP
BFP 1.30.11 - CVS 3.28.11 (Girl) - EDD 10.11.11 - Born 10.6.11
BFP 12.18.12 - 12.20.12 CP
BFP 3.18.13 - CVS 5.21.13 (Girl) - EDD 12.2.13 - Born 11.24.13
BFP 6.10.14 - CVS 7.2.14 (Girl) - EDD 1.12.15 - Born sleeping 8.6.14 @ 17w5d
BFP #1 4/22/10 MC 5/5/10 (6w4d) EDD 12/25/10
BFP #2 10/19/10 CP 10/27/10 (4w6d) EDD 6/30/11
BFP #3 5/10/11 Lucas Abelardo born 12/29/11 at 37w3d
BFP #4 12/10/12 MMC 1/14/13 (9w3d) D&C 1/15/13 EDD 8/16/13
BFP #5 8/22/13 Lucia Elizabeth born 4/17/14 at 38w
BFP#1 - 9/2/10, EDD 5/14/11, Twins Hannah and Liam lost 11/7/10 @ 13w1d.
BFP #2 - 2/9/11, EDD 10/13/11, LO lost 2/13/11 @ 5w4d
BFP #3 - 5/9/11, DS born 1/13/12
~*~My BFP Chart~*~Our Story~*~
~*~Labor Buddies with Sweet Turnip - Welcome Baby Girl 2/23/12 & Aluenna - Welcome Ivy 1/6/12~*~