Would this offend you . . .

Toni79

Ok, so last weekend I took a weekend trip to NYC with a girlfriend (who is single).  Although she is 30, she acts like she's 18!  Although she knows what DH and I are going through, I know she doesn't get it.

We are sitting there eating dinner and she says to me out of the blue "Have you ever though about upgrading your engagement ring?"

WTF?!?!?

Here's what I was thinking:

1.  My ring is what I consider average.  DH bought it 9 years ago when he was "poor" (obviously over the past 9 years both he and I have move up in our jobs).  Its a plantanun band with a 1/3 solitare.  I know the trend now a days is huge multi-stone rings (alot of my friends have rings like that, yet thier DHs were unemployeed when they bought them - expalin that?!?!)  

2.  Um . . .I'm kind of spening alot of money righ now on IF co-pays, freezing embryos, etc.

This is what I said (politely)":

"Not really.  But I would like to get individual stackable eternity birthstone rings for each of my kids . . . if I ever have any".

Obviously with the subtle undertone of WTF, I have more imortant things to worry about.

This is what I wanted to say (likely not so politely):

Have you every thought of not being crazy, and acting your age, and maybe you wouldn't be 30 and single?!?!  At least I'm happily married.  I could care less what my ring looks like!

Mitzi Bishi

Unfortunately I hear a lot of women talk like this. I know people have different things they put value in, but it's also very telling.

Frankly, she sounds insecure. 

She may be envious that you at least have something you didn't have to buy yourself ringwise. What a strange question from her though. 

srkm

How rude!  Some people are so clueless!  I know everyone wants a huge rings these days but I have always believed that the marriage is more important than the size of the ring.  New flash:  there are more important things in life that the "status" your ring gives off.  Ugh...this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.

BeeBee08

I don't know if would offend me as much as it would just pi$$ me off.  She clearly has no tact...I really wish you said what you were really thinking!  I have that friend too   

pennylanehd

Mitzi Bishi:

Unfortunately I hear a lot of women talk like this. I know people have different things they put value in, but it's also very telling.

Frankly, she sounds insecure. 

This exactly!  I would be peeved, but I think I would feel more sorry for her that she is alone and so focused on material things instead of what is really important in life. Good grief!

firsttimemomdm

my sister in law is a lot like that. and yes that would have offended me. my sister in law, EVERYTHING she does is the right way. she got knocked up, married the dad 3 years later. thats the best way to do it you know. so you know its the right guy, and so on. i mean i love her positive out look on things. but im like come on!!! youv got to know that the way you do things isnt always the way for everyone. for my ring, my husband got me this beautiful solotair. her husband got her ring from her passed away grandma,. she then took diamonds from her old rings and earings and made a massive gma looking ring with tiny little diomands all over it. and she has the nerve to tell me she wouldnt want my ring that it would be annyoing. at least my husband got me a ring!!! phew...wow clearly i needed to vent. lol

wordslikeswords

It would offend me. The first thing my bff said to me when I got engaged was "How big is it?" and then her mother said "Oh you can upgrade it later". I was really angry. I want to say "At least I have a guy who wants to give me one. Maybe if you weren't so materialistic and judgemental you would too". I have a perfect 1/2 carat solitaire in white gold. It's exactly what I wanted and my DH picked it out himself. Why would I want to trade that in? It means more to me that he went out and bought it for me than that it's not 2 carats or whatever.

This stuff really angers me. Sorry lol.

bhead81

One of my ex-h's best friend's made a nasty comment about my engagement ring when we first got married and it stung a little.  My exh worked hard to save for my ring and I was very proud of it and I loved my ring.  Sometimes I don't think people think before they speak and they say things without knowing that the words they are saying are insulting and just plain stupid.

Mrs.McIrish

Yup, I have this friend as well.  We were in Vegas a few weeks ago for another friend's wedding when my friend makes a comment about how a ring has to be "at least" 2 carats. I just looked at her and looked at my ring to say "you just inserted your foot in mouth as my ring is not 2 carats so you just insulted my ring" (which is hardly small but besides the point). I wanted to say "maybe this is why you are getting divorced right now".  

sarahtoledo

If a married friend who was thinking about "upgrading" said it, I might not be offended.  

Actually, I got a very different, larger ring with insurance money after my first one was stolen.  I wish I had it back, though, small or not.   

tootlebug

im surrounded by superficial b8tches all the time.  im sure they look at my 1 carat brilliant cut with the skinny white gold band (which i specifically requested) disdainfully.  someone even commented that "i bet that ring was $6,000!"  ...um, like trying to make me feel better and she didnt believe it was worth even that.  i dont say anything - ever.  i just igore them or change the subject.  (and yeah, i know now how much it cost and it was almost 3 times that). 

and honestly with IF i cant even imagine focusing on something so superficial.  i literally cant find words for that kind of talk.

Trish11278

WOW!  She obviously is completely materialistic.  I would never want to change my engagement ring that my DH got me.  I would just be in shock if someone ever said that to me.  Good for you keeping your composure but still putting her in her place.

ecleptic

I would be offended if one of my friends had said that.

I'd also be terribly confused because while I have, by far, the cheapest and least "impressive" ring of all of my friends and family- everyone who has heard our engagement story (I asked him, he insisted on a ring anyway and we bought it with what was left of our vacation fun money- it was a 250$ ring) or about the tradition in DH's family to give colored stones (I got to choose, and picked a stone to match DH's eyes) would know that my engagement ring is so incredibly special that I would never consider upgrading it. There's nothing to upgrade it to- it's perfect already.

And anyway, now that DH and I are much better off- he likes to buy me nice jewelry. I'd hate to have traded in my pearls or the diamond and blue topaz earrings (I nearly had a heart attack when I peeked at the bank statement) that match my "cheap" engagement ring for a more traditional diamond ring. I may not have an expensive ring, but my jewelry box doesn't feel the loss

 

iluvred8072

yup that was rude....who gives a damn about a ring. its the thought that counts behind it. having a baby is worth much more then a muliti diamond ring.

pete2835

I'd blow it off as immaturity.