I'm angry and I need to get over it. — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

I'm angry and I need to get over it.

When DD was born they took her straight to the NICU and put her on a CPAP machine. Less than 12 hours later she was off the machine and doing fantastic.

A whirlwind of events happened and they wouldn't release her to my room, but she was going to come home with me. Then, she wasn't allowed to come home with me. She stayed in the NICU a couple extra days after I was released.

Well, in the end, they kept her because of jaundice. Her levels were 11. and then 9. and then finally 8 and they let her go home.

I've been reading, and I haven't seen anyone else say their levels were that low and their baby had to stay in the hospital under the lights 24 hours a day. I've heard way higher numbers. And I've heard they send this thing home with you if they really feel like it needs to be treated.

So basically, I missed the first 4 days of her life and bonding with her, because of low jaundice numbers that could have been treated way differently?

I'm angry about this, I really am. I feel jipped. And I feel mislead. I don't think she needed to be IN the NICU under the lights for 24 hours a day.

I know in the big scheme of things, it's no big deal. And I have her now and she's healthy and we're good. But, IDK. I just keep thinking about it, all the time. I can't get over it.  

Chelsea; 7/22/2005 Carissa; 4/9/2011 Cassidy; 9/6/2012
Baby #4; 7/7/2018

Re: I'm angry and I need to get over it.

  • elisbuelisbu member

    I wouldn't go by other babies numbers. My babies number were low, but she was small, just a few days old, and early, so all of those factored into how high they would let her go.

    Be glad you had doctors that were careful and looked over her so well. What if it had been the opposite? What if they sent her off and something was wrong?

    Good Luck letting go.

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  • To keep her in the NICU for such low numbers is weird. Was she born early? And if she wasnt sounds to me like the hospital just wanted a little extra money from the insurance. So it seems because she was in the NICU for whatever reason when she was born they just wanted her to stay for the money so they made it seem like the jaundice was worse than it really was. I am sorry that you didnt get to bond with her I would be pretty pissed too.

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  • You know, I would have felt the same way as you do, because both my daughters were jaundice. The 2nd had to stay under photo lights for 2 days and we could only see her for 30 minutes every 3 hours for those few days. We had to stay in the hospital for an extra day or so too.

    It really depends on gestational age, hours old, and the numbers along with some other blood counts they do. So what you think were low numbers might have been high for her age in that manner.

    I had one of the Neonatal Doctors that was taking care of DD tell me why jaundice is such a concern at this age. They don't take it lightly for shlts and giggles. He told me a story of a teenager he saw once that had untreated or poorly treated jaundice as a baby. Wheelchair bound, blind, no muscle control, etc. It can be SO BAD. He said it only takes seeing ONE patient like that to never take jaundice lightly again and to always err on the side of caution for the baby's own good.

    Once he told me that I stopped feeling bad and was thankful I had medical care to make sure that never happened to either of my daughters. 

    I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but your baby is healthy and home with you now.

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  • I had anger over my delivery experience too and had a hard time getting over it.  I had a c-section after my baby got stuck and they lacerated my cervix during the c-section and I lost a lot of blood.  I felt like I had missed out on bonding time because I was working so hard at recovery.  I think it was mostly hormones that were making me so upset over the issue.  I just had to be upset about something so I picked that issue. 

    Just focus on your wonderful baby.  Good luck.

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  • I understand your anger.  I feel like I got robbed of my time to recuperate because my husband hurt his back and literally couldn't get off the couch for days...so I had to still do so much at 3 days pp.  It was awful.  And then when he started feeling better he figured since I had been doing stuff I could continue and he didn't have to help.  It was incredibly frustrating and led to a lot of arguments.  In the end I really feel that it hindered my recuperation and caused a lot more discomfort than it could have had if he was able to help.

    I know its not the same, but it's still anger I have to get over.  In the end, I eventually healed.  I am glad your DD is doing better.  It can be so hard for things to be different than what we expect, but it sounds like the doctors were trying to ensure that she left the hospital healthy so you could enjoy your time with her for years to come.

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