Am I Overreacting? — The Bump
2nd Trimester

Am I Overreacting?

Ok long story short.... my sister wanted me as a bridesmaid in her wedding before I found out I was pregnant. Due to dress deadlines, I ended up with a regular dress instead of maternity. I found out I was pregnant and showed early! Needless to say the dress was a size 0 in a strange shade of green. She told me I could not get the maternity version of the dress, but had to get it altered. Well I was an A cup,24 inch waist before, by time of wedding was 38 C & 33 inch waist. It could not be altered so I couldn't be in the wedding.

 To make matters worse she said she did not want my pregnancy to outshine her wedding ( I didn't want any spotlight!)

Then on top of that I have SEVERE gluten and dairy allergies (Celiac disease), she told me she is sick of food allergies and will not accomodate ( I am sister of the bride!)

A few weeks before wedding she said she changed her tune and told the people at the reception place that I had food allergies. I got to the reception and the lady said my sister had never mentioned it. I talked to my mother who said "JUST DON'T EAT!" Really? Tell a pregnant woman who sat in the heat all day at a wedding that she has nothing to eat the rest of the night. I ended up waiting until 9 pm after the wedding when my sweet hubby took me to Subway ( I got a salad!!) so I could eat. Oh and he kindly slid a plain baked potato towards me which was the ONLY item remotely safe at the reception.

Thank goodness to my hubby, but I am really mad at my sister. What should I do? Should I say something. ( Her wedding was this past Saturday). 

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Re: Am I Overreacting?

  • This story makes me 1. glad I have a brother and 2. glad I have a son and wouldn't mind if this one is also a boy!

    I don't know what to say. Your sister is an ass for not having you get a dress that would work. The wedding is about the love not the dresses...and WTH is with your mother who didn't help out here? My mother would have been in charge of the food.

    Hmmm, what did you do to piss off your sister? j/k

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  • LOL twostrong! I know, I tried so hard to be supportive the whole time, and have NO idea why she and my mom treated me this way :( It just hurts and going through all these emotions on top of it with hormones, just makes it harder.
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  • No, you're not overreacting.  It sounds like she was trying to force you out of the wedding by not letting you wear a maternity version of the dress.  Her comments about not wanting to accommodate your allergies and not wanting your pregnancy to out-shine her wedding are totally b!tchy.

    What was your relationship with her before the wedding?  Were you close or were you just asked to be in the wedding because your family?  What about your relationship with your mom? 

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  • I would have been so hurt by both my sister and my mom!  I wasn't pregnant in my sister's wedding, but wore a different dress than the other girls, which was fine since I was the Maid of Honor anyway. 
    I can't believe she couldn't be bothered to even call the venue to ask about a special plate for you! I had three celiac people at my wedding and the reception place was awesome about getting them special plates, including asking which options they would like since we serving a buffett for our other guests!  It wouldn't have cost extra either!  I def think your sister's behavior was rude and inconsiderate!  As for your mom, that is just unbelievable that she didn't step in to help! 

    my only advice is to try to talk to your sister calmly, and use lots of "I" statements, "I felt, I think" becareful not to accuse b/c that will put her on the defensive.  I would also talk with mom that you were disappointed that she didn't stand up for you or help your sister see there was a better way!  Good Luck!

  • You are not overreacting.

    With that said, do you think saying something will accomplish much? She sounds pretty selfish and self-centered. In my experience, confronting people like her just leads to more drama.

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  • I have celiac too, and would be absolutely livid if my sister (I only have brothers, but still) told me they were sick of my food allergies, or if my mother told me not to eat at the wedding.  That's so ridiculous.  That being said, I have definately waited until after events only to eat fast food afterwards... people are not always understanding if you have celiac or what exactly it is like having to be so careful about what you eat. I would probably talk to your mom, because it sounds like your sister is unreasonable right now. Why isn't your mom stepping up and telling your sister to stop being such a ridiculous brat instead of telling you to "just not eat"?

     The dress scenario sucks too- but their lack of understanding about your food allergies is more appalling as it is a blatant dismissal of a medical condition... I'm sorry you had to go through this.  You are not overreacting, in my opinion.

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  • Your sister sounds like a selfish brat and your mom has enabled her. I agree with PP - what will saying something do but fall on deaf ears? Perhaps this is a lesson to you - the next time you're asked to inconvenience yourself for a family function, say no, and don't feel guilty! In all seriousness, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience! I would be incredibly hurt and disappointed if I were you. It sounds like maybe your sister has jealousy issues with you??
  • capuletcapulet
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    No, I don't think you're overreacting at all, and actually I can't believe your mom and sister were so insensitive.  I don't know if there's much point in confronting her sister, but I think you should tell your mother how hurt you are that she obviously cares more about your sister than about you and her grandbaby, if she thinks letting you starve for a day was in any way acceptable.
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  • acaveracaver
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    You are not overreacting.

    With that said, do you think saying something will accomplish much? She sounds pretty selfish and self-centered. In my experience, confronting people like her just leads to more drama.

    This!

  • your sister sounds totally selfish. i am in two weddings while prego and one a month after i'm due (my sister) and all 3 brides have been totally accomodating. in one i'm wearing a different dress and the two others i got larger sizes and extra fabric. the most important part should be that you can show up! and usually its SO not a big deal for a wedding venue to deal with food allergies, its not like it would have cost her more or anything. i'm so sorry you had that experience!
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  • You are not over reacting at all, what a b*tch! My future SIL was a pretty big b*tch about me being pg too. We hadn't ordered dresses yet, and I hadn't seen the doctor to confirm my pregnancy, and she NEEDED the dress size that day. I told her that I couldn't give it to her and asked for 2-3 extra days (this wedding is in October btw, and this was back in April) to go to the doctor to make sure everything was fine.

    She didn't seem to care about me wanting to go to the doctor so I told her basically to F off and will not be participating or attending her wedding at all. I didn't like her much to begin with, so I have no regrets :)

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  • You are not overreacting.  As a fellow gluten-allergic bumpie, I can completely understand the frustration at how she handled your allergy- I mean, she's family! I don't expect every function we go to to accommodate me, but close family I DO expect.

    If that weren't enough, her outrageously bitchy behavior about the dress is completely bridezilla and she deserves to be knocked down a peg or two off her High and Mighty Ladder. 

  • quezzoquezzo
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    You're sister is a selfish b!tch and your mom sounds like she just lets her get away with it. I'm sorry you had to deal with either of them. Clearly they are not supportive of you and I would worry about my baby being subjected to that too. If they didn't get their attitudes adjusted then I might be thinking of never speaking to them again. 
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  • image weddingbells2010:

    You are not overreacting.  As a fellow gluten-allergic bumpie, I can completely understand the frustration at how she handled your allergy- I mean, she's family! I don't expect every function we go to to accommodate me, but close family I DO expect.

    If that weren't enough, her outrageously bitchy behavior about the dress is completely bridezilla and she deserves to be knocked down a peg or two off her High and Mighty Ladder. 

    THIS. She was a total bridezilla. Unfortunately, people like this are immune to any constructive criticism - it will always be about them. Do you what you think is right when it comes to addressing it with her, but just be prepared to be attacked and disappointed with the end result.



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  • Wow! What a mean,mean sister!!! My sister is also a *really bad word*, she won't talk to me because I left my abusive husband a few years ago and found a real man and she insists that my ex was a great guy. 
  • image sweetpealee:

     That being said, I have definately waited until after events only to eat fast food afterwards... people are not always understanding if you have celiac or what exactly it is like having to be so careful about what you eat.

    I have celiac and this seems to be the norm. Everyone in my DH's side of the family tends to act like I am making it up and it is not real disease. I have gotten "glutened" over at their house so many times its ridiculous. I have stopped eating at their house. People are idiots. I think most people I talk to about it think its a "fad allergy" because its just now coming into the media and such.

    About your sister and your mom. I don't know if saying anything is really going to help. Your sister sounds like a crazy bridezilla and I don't think she will take it well.

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  • wow she had a bad case of Bridezillaness..... if it were my sister, I'd kick her ass...thats how we do it in the south lol.. jk, but I would totally call her out on all of it and my mom...they disrespected you big time.
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  • Wow!! Everyone, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your kindness, thoughtfulness, helpfulness & understanding.

    As one of you stated about a SIL with demanding a dress, that is how I ended up with a $200 dress that didn't fit & couldn't be matched for fabric.

    And WOW it's wonderful to know I am not alone in the bumpie world when it comes to Celiac.

     I agree with what a few of you stated, that yes definitely expecting family to accomodate food allergies, or at least being understanding of them is a must, but to expect those unrelated would be overboard :) THANK YOU.

     I have yet to decide how I will handle this. You all had a lot of good advice that I will be thinking over the next week as she is on her honeymoon.

    I believe I will say something, but keep it short and simple. And when it comes to favors for my sister, I will learn to just say no. After all my hubby and baby are first in my life.

     Please if you have more advice I would love to hear it. But thank you for the overwhelmingly helpful and supportive advice you have already given! I appreciate you ladies! 

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  • Celiac disease is nothing to fvck around with, and really, it would not have been that hard for her to ask the reception hall for an accommodation.  If my hick town has restaurants with gluten-free menus, anywhere does.  Did she have any vegetarians at her reception?  Did she make accommodations for them?  Why is your need any less important to her?

    image capulet:
    I don't know if there's much point in confronting her sister, but I think you should tell your mother how hurt you are that she obviously cares more about your sister than about you and her grandbaby, if she thinks letting you starve for a day was in any way acceptable.

    This.  How have your mom and sister acted during your pregnancy during non-wedding related issues?

  • Jpsquared- I didn't mention in my post, but my mom has Celiac and gets "glutened" all the time because she isn't careful, and then wonders why she's throwing up and has migraines after she eats.

    No vegetarians, all though I am sure she wouldn't have accomodated them either.

    As for aside from wedding related, I got a mere congrats from my sister & then told not to outshine her. (?) And my mom announced my pregnancy on facebook without my permission! I told her specifically no facebook posts that only family knew ( this was before I was 12 wks & hubby & I had good reason to wait for announcing).

     

     

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  • No, not overreacting at all. Your sister sounds like a biitch. I'm surprised your mom didn't care more about your health. Blech. I wouldn't have gone, honestly.
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  • I've been allergic to gluten for over 15 years. You went to subway?  That is just weird.  

    FWIW I always bring a snack with me now, more so than ever b/c I'm preggo.  

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  • trishinbaff- I went to Subway and got a salad with chicken and veggies only. They change out their gloves for me and get me fresh bins of everything and I bring packets of only olive oil with me. 

    I took several snacks with me, but I was there from 1 pm (family pictures) til 9pm (end of time at reception) that is a long time to go without a meal.  

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  • Wow - your sister sounds like an awful self-centered bridezilla and I can't believe your mom didn't care about you eating.

    These are not good people.

    I wish I had advice - but in my experience, people that self-centered don't ever listen anyway, they're too busy with themselves. 

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