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LO has learned that he has a "say"
Smudges*Mom
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And I don't like it!!!
We are now living the terrible two's. LO has learned that life does not have to happen to him--he can direct and influence things around him by the power of the word "no" (which comes out as "doh") and a screaming tantrum. Oh my word! It does not help that his two year molars are beginning to come in, so he is extra crabby. And, it is really hot--its 93 degrees out right now. Yesterday was awful. Today has been better, but still not good.
Other than drinking copiously, how did you deal with and get through the especially difficult days?
We are now living the terrible two's. LO has learned that life does not have to happen to him--he can direct and influence things around him by the power of the word "no" (which comes out as "doh") and a screaming tantrum. Oh my word! It does not help that his two year molars are beginning to come in, so he is extra crabby. And, it is really hot--its 93 degrees out right now. Yesterday was awful. Today has been better, but still not good.
Other than drinking copiously, how did you deal with and get through the especially difficult days?
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Re: LO has learned that he has a "say"
BFP with no treatment!
Oh man those days are rough. And I can't believe how long we've been living with our little dictator. When he was just in the refusing mode, we used a lot of easy choices (easy on our part) to make him like he had a say in his world, and warnings about what was coming next, and when it still resulted in a tantrum, we just picked him up and moved him to a safer place and moved on, while speaking to him kindly and gently ("I'm sorry you are upset that it's time to get out of the tub. I know you were having fun. I know you want to keep playing. You can play more tomorrow." repeat.).
A year later it's still what we do on a daily basis. Our bigger issue now is that he isn't happy just to say no. He now has to direct his whole cast of characters exactly as he wishes and the actors aren't allowed to say no.
While it makes me feel better to know I/we are not alone, the glimpse into our future is a little daunting! LOL!
I will continue to give him choices, but at this point, he seems to have little interest in options. I know as he develops, though, this is important.
Is it wrong that I am counting down the time to bedtime even though he's still in his crib for his nap????
My biggest piece of advice is: "Choose the hill you want to die on".
Arguing/power struggling with your toddler won't get you anywhere except crying in a closet somewhere. CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES! Don't ask for or offer things you're not willing to fight for and require.
That said, some things are non-negotiable. Don't want to put your shoes on and we need to leave? I offer 2 options, both getting us to the end goal but DD gets to choose the path: "You can either put your shoes on or I can help you"....if I'm met with silence, "I think you want me to help you since you're not putting them on yourself" (2nd and only other chance for her to choose and then I choose for her), then I put them on....kicking and screaming? Fine. I meet it with silence. You can't spin up or its an unending cycle of crazy.
You don't want to eat? I part out the food that I expect to be eaten (I am a HUGE opponent of the "clean plate club" for so many reasons), explain, when you eat these items you can get down and play. If she refuses, I explain the choice is to take the bites or lose out on her playtime (we eat really close to bed time so if she sits and wastes time at the table, she misses out on playtime). Again, I won't die on that hill fighting for this. If she doesn't eat and its time for bed - we go to bed. She won't starve.
I also don't entertain tantrums. We've selected the stairs in our house as the "cool down" spot (I don't beleive time outs work). She tantrums, she gets put in that spot and I explain she can come out when she's ready to listen, ready to talk, ready to be happy, etc....she's in control of it. There's no "timer" or "you stay there X mins" etc.
The daily goal here is to meet hysteria with unending calm....it so quickly diffuses a situation.
GOOD LUCK MAMA
We call ours "our sweet little sociopath" lol
Well, I am learning with you but for now, I definitely pick my battles. Obviously safety issues are not negotiable but sometimes I just give in if it isn't a safety issue.
And it helps if we are at home vs. being in public. I can handle her crying for a minute while I finish my dinner (when she refused hers but wants me to give her a cereal bar) at home. At a restaurant, we would pick her up and remove her.
Also, if we can calm her down enough for her to actually listen, we can reason with her a bit..."we are going to go to the pool but you need to have sunscreen first"
I think that I will bookmark this thread as there is good advice (and support). Unending calm needs to become my mantra.
Well, time to get my TT (tiny tyrant) up. I will check back! Thank you, ladies!
This by FAR is the hardest thing for me to do but I try to remember that, for her its not only over the min the tantrum ends but she doesn't even remember why or what it was about to begin with....the moment it ends, to her, it "never was" - so my sh!tty attitude and irritation will only spawn more meltdowns, arguments, power struggles and tantrums....
*rubbing earlobes and deep breaths* "whoooooooooooo sawwwwwwwwwwwww whooooooooooo saaaawwwwwww*
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama