A Close Friend's Pregnancy — The Bump
Pregnant after a Loss

A Close Friend's Pregnancy

This weekend, a close friend of mine and his wife announced that they are pg and that she is due in November.  She has the cutest little bump already and they are over the moon.  I am truly happy for them.  They are two of the most wonderful people I know.

But inside, a cloud over my joy for them was this feeling of jealousy and fear.  We didn't tell them about the m/c back in November b/c she is a hypochondriac and she would drive him crazy with her worry.  All I could think of is if we m/c again, how will I watch their glorious stress free pregnancy?  Why does it seem like everyone else gets pregnant so easliy and we've had to work so hard at it?  Why can't I be smiley and glowing rather than anxious and worried?

I knew this announcement was coming soon b/c she had told me they would start trying in the new year.  I'm happy things are going well for them, truly.  But I thought if I were pregnant the jealousy I felt for others when I was TTCAL would go away.  Does anyone else feel this way? 

imagephoto BeachAudrey6-23-2013_zps95b514cd.jpgphoto TRCALBadge_zpse0b3d2cb.jpg
BFP #1 9-22-10 Missed M/c 10-18-10 D&E 10-28-10

BFP #2 5-9-11 EDD 1-12-12 Audrey Rachel born 1-12-12

BFP #3 9-21-13 EDD 5-30-14
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Re: A Close Friend's Pregnancy

  • I dont' really have any advice for you since I'm still TTCAL and struggle with pregnancy announcements. I just wanted to say that the fear is normal. After my second BFP and my friend announced her pregnancy, I knew it wouldn't end well for one of us and for some reason I knew it would be me. It just sucks.

    Also, loving the ticker!

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    Started TTC June 2010
    BFP #1
    07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
    BFP #2 01/14/11. EDD 09/25/11. Missed m/c 02/18/11. D&C 02/24/11. }Dustin{
    TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
    BFP #3 08/18/13. EDD 04/30/14. Missed m/c 09/25/13. D&C 09/26/13. }Daylin{
    TTA for 7 months
    Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
    TTC Again May 2014
    Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles
    - All BFN's
    SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results

    Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
    TTA Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
    Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
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    My Blog: The Canadian Housewife    PGAL/PAL Welcome    My Chart
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  • I completely understand where you are coming from!  I found out a close friend was pregnant 1 week before I found out I was pregnant again.  It was absolutly exhausting acting excited for her and talking about it all the time.  She had started announcing right when she found out herself, at about 6 weeks, all I could think was that I was happy for her but that she was so naive to think that everything will be ok just because of a positive preg test. 

    Now all she ever wants to do is talk about how exciting it is that we are both pregnant and everything that goes along with planning and appointments and everything.  I have to put on the excited face constantly around her.  I am constantly worried that I will miscarry again as I'm coming up to the point I miscarried last time.  I'm happy that she's excited but I'm so worried that I will have another loss and have to watch her continue to be happy. 

    So know that  you're not alone in your feelings.  It's hard when you know it's supposed to be a happy time, but it brings back a lot of the sadness. 

    BFP #1 August 2007, Lost Nov 2007, no heartbeat found at anatomy ultrasound at 19 wks
    BFP #2 March 2011, Baby Girl born November 2011!!!
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  • I totally understand how you feel.  A couple months ago, good friends of ours announced they were expecting in November- EDD jut a few days before ours.  Even though I was pg again and everything seemed to be going well, I broke down crying.  I had the same thoughts as you:  Why is it so easy for them?  Why do they get to be so carefree?  What if I have another loss and they have a healthy LO?

    You can be happy for others and still have a hard time dealing with it at the same time. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Me! Me!  I thought for sure that once I was pg again other pg announcements wouldn't bother me, but that hasn't been the case at all.  I think it's because my jealousy wasn't just about being pg it was also about the journey (I didn't realize this until recently).  It's been a hard road to get where we are and it's hard to hear about others having such an easy time, even though we are happy for them.  You're not alone with this feeling and I wonder when/if it will change. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    BFP #1 6.17.10 - natural M/C 5w2d
    BFP #2 8.4.10 - missed M/C, D&C 8w
    BFP #3 1.18.11 - natural M/C 5w1d
    BFP #4 5.6.11 - 13dpo: hcg 68, p 16.3; 16dpo: hcg 211,
    p16.6; 18dpo: hcg 416, p 15.6; 25dpo: hcg 6,007
    DS born 1/30/12
    BFP #5 4.28.13 - LO due 1/4/14

  • ((HUGS)) Hopefully you'll eventually be glad to have a nearby playmate for your perfect LO. I'm only starting to be fine with people's announcements- looking forward soon to having announcements with due dates after mine. One day at a time!
    BFP#1 9/14/10 (EDD 5/21/11); no fetal pole 6w6d, 7w4d, d&c 10/8
    BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.
  • I have a SIL that is 5 weeks behind me.  I'm happy for them, and I'm happy things are going well with the pregnancy.  I will confess though that along with gushing with happiness at the prospect of another niece/nephew, my initial reaction (to myself, of course) also included my being sooo thankful I'd gotten this BFP before theirs and many prayers that LO continued to stick as it would be hard beyond words to have a second loss while they wen't on with a healthy pregnancy.

    Thankfully SIL didn't shout it from the rooftops about her pregnancy before the pee stick was dry.  Honestly, she's handling her pg like a PgAL'er which has me wondering if there may've been a loss prior to this (she never brought it up when I told her about mine, so I guess not...but I still wonder).

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14


    Lilypie - (2llN)

    Lilypie - (2L9u)


      My Recipe Blog
    ~All AL'ers welcome~

  • quezzoquezzo member
    Fifth Anniversary
    I hid other pregnant people on my facebook page until this weekend. I just didn't want to see them and their stress free pregnancies. One announced to the world (FB) at 8 weeks and I just couldn't deal with it. I still am jealous they are all ahead of me. It's weird, but part of me thinks that maybe I will always be this way because they had it so easy and it has been a struggle for us every step of the way? 
    Keira Lynn Q - Born alive and healthy July 26, 2012 - My miracle among miracles.


    Alexander James - born still June 20, 2011 at 25w3d - We love you to the moon and back.


    BLOG: www.alexanderqsmommy.com

    Diagnosed with High Killer Cells, MTHFR (one copy), borderline Thrombophilia, Protein S Deficiency and Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome

    Missed m/c 11w2d on April 3, 2010; natural m/c at 6w on July 17, 2010; and natural m/c at 4w on Oct. 7, 2011

  • I think what you are feeling is normal.  I haven't been in that position yet myself, but I think I would feel very much the way you are feeling if I were.

    ((Big HUGS)).  Just keep reminding yourself that today you are pregnant and you love your baby.

    TTC #1 since 8/09
    BFP#1 - 9/2/10, EDD 5/14/11, Twins Hannah and Liam lost 11/7/10 @ 13w1d.
    BFP #2 - 2/9/11, EDD 10/13/11, LO lost 2/13/11 @ 5w4d
    BFP #3 - 5/9/11, DS born 1/13/12

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    ~*~My BFP Chart~*~Our Story~*~
    ~*~Labor Buddies with Sweet Turnip - Welcome Baby Girl 2/23/12 & Aluenna - Welcome Ivy 1/6/12~*~
  • I think it goes away with time, but it may never go away completely.  I am honestly jealous of people who just get pregnant and stay pregnant with no worries.  Boy gender reveals also feel like knifes in my heart.

    Don't feel bad about any of these feelings; they are completely normal and part of the healing process. 

    BFP #1 - Twin B lost at 5w
    Bryce Addison  I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
    Our baby boy was born sleeping on 9.17.10. He was 19w1d.
    BFP #2 - Twin B lost at 4w
    Twin A
    BFP #3 - Lost at 5w
    BFP #4 - Lost at 4w
    BFP #5

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