To those with whole summer visitation...?

Krisx2

We are getting our CO changed. Currently we pick up SD 1 week after school ends and drop her off 2 weeks before school starts. 

We are attempting to change it to drop off 1 week before school starts.

I know this will be contested by BM.

Those with summer visitation: When are your pick up/drop offs scheduled? Or is it not specified in the CO?

I just want to know if we are REALLY asking for the moon here, as our lawyer implies. 

HisChamaoleGirl

What you listed above is what we have for our summer visitation and it works for us. Yes we would like more time with SS, but we understand the reasonings BM has for wanting him back 2 weeks before school starts. It gives SS time to readjust to her home life and get on a schedule for school. Then again we are talking different states and timezones and I am not sure what your situation is.

 In the CO it is designated that DH or MIL escort SS to and from visitation. This was put in place when BM did not have a job and would not have been able to afford to purchase plane tickets so her name was never added to the CO.

CurlyQ284

Our CO says we get SDs the Saturday after school is out. We have them for 8 weeks on odd years 5 weeks on even year but DH and BM usually negotiate 8 weeks every summer. That usually falls 2 weeks before the beginninf of school. BM and DH negotiate everything, we are all on good terms so the CO is almost never followed. This year she wanted one week before they come so they will be back home closer to school starting.

Ilumine

Honestly, I don't think that is very fair to the kids or BM. The kids don't have the ability to see and play with their friends during the summer time and BM doesnt really get to do a vacation with them (if you only give her the two emotionally busy weeks of the summer break). While I get that you want more time with the children, is that ONE extra week the make or break? Or couldn't you go for more weekend visits?

Krisx2

SD is in a different state, but not timezone. We keep her on a "school friendly" schedule here since she has morning activities all summer. So she would have to adjust to BM's household rules and such, but not much to get prepped for school. 

We want the extra week so that SD can spend more time with DD, which she has expressed wanting to see more. We get about 75 days with SD at this time. We would like more functional relationship with BM. Currently most things have to be fought over and we end up losing time each summer with SD. 

Karma1969

I think 2 weeks before seems more resonable.  It will give her a chance to get readjusted before school starts and a chance to spend some of her summer vacation with her Mom.  I don't think 1 week is worth fighting over in court when you have the entire summer.

Krisx2

Ilumine:

Honestly, I don't think that is very fair to the kids or BM. The kids don't have the ability to see and play with their friends during the summer time and BM doesnt really get to do a vacation with them (if you only give her the two emotionally busy weeks of the summer break). While I get that you want more time with the children, is that ONE extra week the make or break? Or couldn't you go for more weekend visits?

We can't do weekend visits since SD is 8 hours away.

I understand why SD should be able to have time with BM and her friends at home. BM has managed to take multiple vacations each year with her family during SD's long weekend breaks from school. The one extra week is NOT make or break. We'd be willing to compromise. We just end up losing time with her every year, and our time is limited anyway.  

fireflyone

Wow! It's always interesting seeing summer visitations on here.  My ex and I live in the same city so we don't have the distance thing to deal with.  However, our summer schedule is the same as during the school year.  He gets Wednesday nights and EOW.  I offer for him to take them more during the summer if he likes, but he usually declines. (or maybe takes them for one week out of the 10-12 weeks summer vacation)

smbsantacruz

I was one of those kids who went to my mom's house two days after school got out, and back to my dad's the weekend before school started. I loved the time with my mom, but always wished my parents would be a little more flexible. I missed a lot of fun times with my friends, and my dad and stepmom always took awesome vacations with my half-siblings without me.

So with that in mind, we always offer to have DSS stay a week with his mom after school gets out, and suggest he goes back a week before school starts again. We've also told her that if she wants to have him for a visit during the summer, she just has to let us know when. 

Ilumine

Krisx2:

Ilumine:

Honestly, I don't think that is very fair to the kids or BM. The kids don't have the ability to see and play with their friends during the summer time and BM doesnt really get to do a vacation with them (if you only give her the two emotionally busy weeks of the summer break). While I get that you want more time with the children, is that ONE extra week the make or break? Or couldn't you go for more weekend visits?

We can't do weekend visits since SD is 8 hours away.

I understand why SD should be able to have time with BM and her friends at home. BM has managed to take multiple vacations each year with her family during SD's long weekend breaks from school. The one extra week is NOT make or break. We'd be willing to compromise. We just end up losing time with her every year, and our time is limited anyway.  

First, stop allowing BM to take your Court Ordered time away.  Deal with THAT issue first.

Second, why cant YOU take vacations during the long weekend breaks?  I grew up driving 8 hour weekend trips.  I just took my 2 yo on a 3 day, 8 hour one way trip and she did just fine.  Hell, my SS was fine on the trip down. 

I am sure that there is SOME sort of attraction in her area that you can visit.  A weekend stay in a hotel with a pool, checking out the local museums or aquarium and getting to eat out at cool restaraunts is usually enough. 

Why, because its not about WHAT you do, but that YOU DO IT TOGETHER. 

I will tell you this, my mother is a teacher and we NEVER EVER went anywhere for the last two weeks of summer (at least not anywhere more than an hour drive away), because she KNEW what was coming as a teacher. 

Krisx2

Ilumine:

First, stop allowing BM to take your Court Ordered time away.  Deal with THAT issue first.

Second, why cant YOU take vacations during the long weekend breaks?  I grew up driving 8 hour weekend trips.  I just took my 2 yo on a 3 day, 8 hour one way trip and she did just fine.  Hell, my SS was fine on the trip down. 

I am sure that there is SOME sort of attraction in her area that you can visit.  A weekend stay in a hotel with a pool, checking out the local museums or aquarium and getting to eat out at cool restaraunts is usually enough. 

Why, because its not about WHAT you do, but that YOU DO IT TOGETHER. 

I will tell you this, my mother is a teacher and we NEVER EVER went anywhere for the last two weeks of summer (at least not anywhere more than an hour drive away), because she KNEW what was coming as a teacher. 

 First: Agreed. This is one of the reasons that we are getting the CO changed. BM is not compliant even with lawyer and court involvement each summer.

Second: We have asked for SD over the long weekends, even though it would mean 16 hours of driving for us. Since the CO does not expressly state that those weekends are ours (it says we "may" have her if it does not interfere with school) BM always says "sorry we have plans". We've asked 6 months in advance and get the same answer. 

Your mother was probably smart for having down time the last two weeks of summer. That's not BM's style though. She really doesn't have much regard for what effects SD's schooling. Just got an email today that they are planning a vacation for those 2 weeks at the end of SD's summer vacation to visit TEXAS which is 24 hour drive.

 

We will be leaving the request for the extra week in the proposed CO with the compromise of changing the wording so that we count some of the long holiday weekends as ours instead of the extra week over summer.

Thanks for everyone's insight. It helps to look from a different perspective of what we consider fair and in SD's best interest for BOTH sides of the family!