Working Moms
JLK0414
member
Just curious...
JLK0414
member
in Working Moms
What factors helped guide your decision to return to work after your LO was born?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just curious...
The nice people at the bank like us paying our mortgage
I like my job. I like having something that is 'mine' where I can be 'me'. I don't think I'd be the best stay at home mom, having a mix of working and time with my kids just works for me personally. I get to go to work and do fun stuff (most) days and my kids have really thrived in daycare.
Plus I'm the breadwinner. DH just finished grad school and is about to start his first job and in theory I could quit and stay at home now....but I don't want to.
There was no big decision that had to be made.
Not to flame you but once again - working for women after kids is a "decision" but for men, it is a given.
Sexist.
*
Money. I am a breadwinner, and even going down to one car, and cutting all extras out of our life - there is no way we could survive just on DH's salary.
I would be a SAHM in a heartbeat if I could
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
This!
I'm starting to hate this board, I'm so tired of these types of questions.
Both of these. It was never even a thought that I would stay home. I love working and know I would not be a good SAHM, just not me. We discussed early on that if either of us were to ever stay home it would be DH and not me.
LOL
I don't get it.
I completely respect moms that enjoy working. And I think it is awesome that women have the option to continue working, and that women are able to know when it is best for them to continue working.
That said, why is it so surprising and annoying that some women DON'T want to continue working?
I get sick of the moms that enjoy working making the moms that don't enjoy working feel badly for their perspective.
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
What factors helped guide your decision to return to work after your LO was born?
It is annoying because the question implies that ALL women have some set of moral choices to make about being working mothers and and actually need to consider a bunch of female-specific "factors" to make that "choice".
Like if your DH doesn't make enough money to support you and you "have to work to pay the bills" (insert "AH, too bad...she HAS to work here) or if you :::gasp::: didn't give it any thought (insert work is more important than kids here). Or the :"I am a SAHM and love it" (insert SAH Mommy has no life here).
Women spend an inordinate amount of time finding the "correct" answer to a question that doesn't need to be asked.
Why does there need to be an answer to this question at all?
I think the implication is that women are asked a lot more than men are what they plan to do and why. Society assumes that men will work, whether they have kids or not. Society expects women to make/have a choice. People are surprised when men stay home and they certainly ask them about that decision but they rarely ask why they're still working.
I just asked my husband and he says that his boss asked him if he planned to keep working but no one else did.
To answer the original question, I work because I love my job. Technically we also need the two incomes, especially since the job I love is teaching and my husband makes less than I do, but if we didn't need my income I'd still work.
I see what you are saying - OTOH though, what if this is a question that a woman DOES struggle with? Why is it wrong to want other similar moms to use as a sounding board?
What about a woman who loves her job and who also feels a strong desire to stay home with her kids? She has a choice to make. Just because you wouldn't choose to be a SAHM doesn't mean that she shouldn't ask other's opinions to help her make her own choice.
I think you are taking the question to be a general question on society's parenting choices, while I read the question and see a specific mom trying to make a specific choice about her individual circumstances.
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
Whether you work because you want to or work because you have to - don't you get sick and tired of having to explain/justify your actions? I feel like all of us on this board spend more time answering the "Why do you work?" question than we do talking about anything else. We're all working moms - while that is certainly a large part of who we are, is the reason WHY we are really all the more that defines us?
What's annoying to me is the fact that new women on the board can't be bothered to browse the board for a few minutes and see that this topic gets rehashed over and over and over again. It annoys me that so many women apparently feel that you need a reason to work and need to hear other women's reasons to justify their own want/need. I'm all about being here for support, but I wish this board could be used for something more than answering the same two or three questions every day.
Knowing I was contributing to our income- I can't imagine spending DH's money.
Knowing if DH was to not be in my life for what ever reason, I would have a good income with no gap in my resume.
I am a role model for DD - she can have it all just like my mom did for me.
I like what I do and that I contribute to the world outside my home. I enjoy being around adults every day.
I could never expose DD to all that her teachers and friends at school have if I was to SAH.
Not having to worry about a strict budget. We could get by on DH's salary, but we are much more comfortable as a 2 income family.
Knowing that if DH was laid off, we would have an income.
met DH 1995 ~ married DH 2006 ~ completed our family 2008
Life is good!
This made me LOL!! DH is always asking when he can SAH. Mind you, his idea of SAH is keeping an eye on the housekeeper, nanny, pool boy and landscaper - none of which we would have if we were to SAH, not that we have them now!
I think it's a universal dream to have the life of leasure. It's just not the same definition of "life of leasure" for everyone out there.
met DH 1995 ~ married DH 2006 ~ completed our family 2008
Life is good!
To be honest, I work b/c I need to. I really can't imagine being a SAHM, I don't really see how I could be busy or engaged or fulfilled w/ that all day every day. Not that my job is all fabulous either. I just really don't get how anyone thinks staying home all day w/ kids can be a "job." Most of the moms I know who are FT SAHM moms are a little OCD/super susie homemaker and/or pretty boring/bored.
It was hard to leave DD when she was really little and I plugged the numbers in about 10x, but it really just didn't make sense to stay home just to prevent myself from being sad and missing her. Besides which, at this age, I REALLY can't imagine being home w/ her all day one on one. She needs so much more stimulation and activity than I could every provide for her in one house for 8-10 hours a day. Now, if I lived in a large community - like a farm or something - with 20 other people around during the day and lots of interesting stuff naturally occuring, I could see staying home. But, just me and a kid at home in the suburbs - no thanks.
The other thing too, is that I like maintaining my identity separate from being a wife and mother. DH and DD are the biggest, most important parts of my life, but they are still parts of my life. Does that make sense? I just not interested in giving all of "me" away - and then what do I have left?
I do get tired of how everyone seems to think they "should" stay home w/ their kids and that to do otherwise is to somehow deviate from the societal norms. Frankly, most of those "norms" have only been in place in the last 50 years and they only exist for a certain class of white people.
IMO, the phrasing is the sexist result of societal norms, the spirit of the question itself is reasonable. I don't think too many people would have a problem with someone asking, "How did you and your husband decide where your family income would come from and what your child care choices would be after LO was born?"
For us:
I make more money than my husband would if he was working. We can afford to live comfortably on my salary, including upcoming preschool for older DD.
I enjoy my job a lot more than he did his (he greatly enjoys being with the kids a lot more than he did his old job).
My career would suffer greatly if I took 5-6 years or more off, his not as much, and I'm career driven enough to want to stay on track.
DH's salary alone is not enough
I have an independent spirit and would not last long staying home. I get a lot of satisfaction from contributing my talents and intelligence to the outside world. The best part is that at the end of the day I am energized and excited to see my son and husband. If I stayed at home, I know that I would be burnt out and frustrated...not the kind of mom I want my son to know.
Bottom line...I'm just not cut out to be a SAHM. I admire women that have that desire and passion, but I am not one of them.
I have a blog and it isn't about babies or motherhood or my life. It's just about eating, drinking, and traveling: Explore and Eat
And this.
I have a blog and it isn't about babies or motherhood or my life. It's just about eating, drinking, and traveling: Explore and Eat