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amajane
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When kid #2 is typical
amajane
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I had DD #2 5 weeks ago. So far she is healthy and seems to be developing typically. She has already starting smiling in response to being smiled to which Marley never did. The differences even this early are remarkable.So I am thrilled and relieved but still completely anxious. I don't know how to have a typical child and I have so much fear that "something" will happen/go wrong and I will end up with another child with special needs. When Marley was born I questioned what I had done to deserve a child with special needs. Now I can't believe I have a healthy child and am not sure how to have a healthy child. Only preventive check ups, developmental milestones accomplished with little to no effort, what is that life like?I just can't shake this anxiety.
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Re: When kid #2 is typical
CONGRATULATIONS!!! What does Marley think of the new one??
I had the same anxiety after having our #2. My husband and I stared at her constantly like we were waiting for something to pop up and that she too would have what Isaac did. I had a lot of trouble with it in the beginning - I overanalyzed every feeding, every behavior. We just had no idea what normal was so it was such a weird foreign experience to us.
I finally had to talk to a therapist and get on Zoloft for a couple of months. Yours might not be as severe as mine - but I had the PPA coupled with some PTSD too. I hope you feel better soon - its so hard when your first experience is so wild and crazy.
First of all, congratulations! I wish I had answers for you, but we are expecting #2 any day now and we won't know how to have a healthy baby either. Everything we have had checked out with her shows she is perfectly healthy. This pregnancy has even been so different. Only 2 ultrasounds and our appointments are so quick and they always just say everything looks perfect. My DH and I have just been waiting for something to go wrong, but so far nothing. I am sure I will be dealing with a lot of anxiety after she is born. I also think I will need to go see a doctor again for PTSD. All the bad memories and feelings are coming back from everything that surrounded my son's birth.
If you find anything that helps you, please share. I think having a sibling is great for a special needs child, but it also opens so many doors as to what is "normal." I have a feeling I will feel worse about what DS has gone through after seeing what a typical developing newborn is like.
Congrats, I love Marley (you never update your blog =( though now, I understand with having two).
My story is different, this pregnancy was almost more complicated than Peyton's. Even Peyton was lifting her head fully by now, Morgan can't get it off the playmat, period. However, speech wise, I didn't even know babies cooed at this age, that is different since P was completely non-verbal even at that age. Morgan has something wrong with her health wise & I struggle to compare her to P, like if she has an immune disorder does that name her a SN child, etc.
It's hard because they both have a bazillion appointments.
So, I guess the moral of my story is that even if your LO2 does have a delay, etc YOU WILL DO GREAT. You will be OK, but it sounds like everything is going great. Before M got sick, after she was born, I was constantly worried too, about how to raise a typical child, etc.
Hugs.
I had a feeling pretty early on that something was not quite right with Zach. Adam is typically developing, thus far, and is the polar opposite of Zach. I can't help but be worried, though. The anxiety is not consuming, but I am still very conscious of milestones, esp. for big things like pointing. The process of child development -- learning by just watching -- is really amazing to see in action. I have an extra appreciation of it now.
Congrats on DD2!
I can relate to the anxiety. Most of the time, DD2 is so obviously different from DD1 that I am able to not worry too much. But it's always in the back of my mind, because sibs have a higher chance of also having an ASD. She's more engaged, more social, more adventurous -- she just seems to automatically understand things in a subtle way that DD1 often does not. She does more imitation, she makes herself laugh by doing silly things.
But her speech is still very spotty and she doesn't consistently have even the few words that she "ought" to according to the milestone lists. Sometimes I have a hard time getting her to respond to her name, and when she points at things (which she does a LOT of, both to point out things of interest and to indicate wants/needs), she doesn't look back to me as often as I'd like.
I had my first meltdown over that last week. DH came home late from work one night to find me sobbing and utterly convinced that DD2 is autistic, too. Then the next day she was clearly trying out some new wordish-sounding noises, she was very charming, and I felt equally positive that she is not.
I expect that I'll veer back and forth on a semi-regular basis until DD2 is at least two or three, since that's the age that things really started being obvious with DD1.
I also go back and forth worrying that I'll unconsciously favor one girl or the other -- DD1 because she has more needs, or DD2 because she's less "work" -- and seriously mess up as a parent. Siiiiiiiigh.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
congratulations! i've been wondering if you had #2 yet.
we hope to have another child and i often wonder if these are the feelings we would have as well. we always say that we won't know "how" to parent a typical child.
again, congrats! and i hope you will share pics
I totally understand how you feel. I was a mess after my #2 was born. But, I think the fear & anxiety kinda just fades with time. With the birth of #3, I have almost completely recovered myself. I am not nearly as worried as I was when #2 was little. However, every once in awhile I will still get anxious about something that DD#1 or DD#2 does (or doesn't do). I am sure the high alert SN mommy will never go away completely.
Congrats on your newest DD!!
I think it would be weird not to have all these people always willing to do a bajillion tests on your kid. I have a feeling I will (if we have a second) be thinking the docs are too cavalier about that child, because I am spoiled by all the caution that they take with DS.
I always say that I don't understand how people have more than one child, because my parenting experience has been so intense. But I also imagine someday having a typically developing child and thinking s/he is "gifted" just because I am used to the way DS has developed. LOL
The good thing is that our LOs have taught us what the scary stuff is. We will know it if we see it again.
Some of the worries here are typical to all parents having a second child, too.
Major congratulations on #2, I had no idea you were even expecting again. (which probably make me sound like a stalker as you're thinking, who are you?
).
#1's issues (sensory, speech and some developmental) where all things that didn't show up until much later in the game but from the beginning I could tell that they were very different even as infants. #2 was and remains less intense, he was more of what I expect a baby to be.
Even though life was great and much easier with my 2 under 2 than I expected I still had massive anxiety, like I'd look at my bills and freak out about paying them (there was plenty of money, it was a total irrational reaction) and I found myself feeling that way about tons of things. It took my awhile to realize that it was more than being sleep deprived and that it was really getting in my way. I was diagnosed with PPA, something that I didn't even know existed. I took far to long to talk to my Dr. because I kept telling myself it wasn't PPD.
I'm not at all trying to negate your very valid fears, simply hoping to point out something that you may not realize can be a different manifestation of PPD. Being put on Zoloft made a tremendous difference for me.
Congratulations!!
I can't offer you any advice b/c I had my two "typical" kids before we had Lizzie. I can say this though, you will do great! You have been a great advocate for Marley and you will be a great momma to this new baby! Enjoy your babies!
omg i haven't been here in forever but had no idea you had another baby! congrats!!!
just go with your instincts. you are a fabulous mama.
Congratulations!!! I'm rarely here so I had NO idea you were even expecting!!
I agree that its been such a different experience have a 'typical' baby after a SN baby. I was pretty lucky in that Caleb really wasnt delayed physically for his diagnosis. He did things later than normal, but not even really THAT delayed for a typical child.
I totally feel your fears. We had a CVS so we knew that Brielle didnt have any chromosomal abnormalities but I am so worried that something else will pop up.. BUT she is our last so I am trying to enjoy every minute of her and not dwell on it. I have to remind myself sometimes that she DOESNT have a diagnosis.. its just 'what I know'... I've been doing PT with her, (even though she doesnt need it) and she's already drinking from a straw. I have to stop sometimes and remind myself that she doesnt need that extra push that Caleb did.
Enjoy that baby and just follow your instincts if you feel something isnt right.
Congrats again