Hello all. While I am recently married, I spent 4 years as a single parent. I posted this in the blended family board but thought some of you may have suggestions for me as well.
DD is 7 and such an amazing kid! She adjusts so well to new situations and people and truely LOVES everyone she has in her life.
When DD was 1 I left BF (verbal abuse became physical) and moved back in with my mom (I was still in college and just 21). She had regular visitation with him until her joined the Army Reserves. When he was done with basic training, he moved about 2 hours away and would see her once a month by coming out to where we live (the city we lived in the entire time we were together) and would stay with friends and visit with her. We went to court for CS which was an amount we agreed on and it was direct pay to me since at the time I thought there was no reason for him not pay. We got custody set so that I have full physical and we share legal but he has open visitation.
As DD got older, BF would sometimes take her for the weekend. Many times I would bring her out to see him and stay at his mother's or get a hotel room. I thought it was important to make every effort to facilitate their relationship. When she got old enough not to need me for the overnight, I would meet BF at a halfway spot for drop off and then again for pick up at the end of his visit.
When DD was 4 I met my DH - we married last year and she has been calling him "dad" for a year and a half. This made BF angry - the fact I had someone else in my life, not necessarily the fact that DD had another male figure helping to raise her. BF has a tumultuous relationship with his fiance/GF with whom he has another child.
There have been on-going CS issues since I got together. Basically the long and short of it is that he "won't spend hard earned money on DD when 'he' may have to go without" (BF's exact words). In the middle of this CS battle, I get a text msg, "I made a decision to sign off rights to DD and I'm not changing my mind.I'm not hiring a lawyer for CS I'm telling judge I'm signing off so don't call me or ask me to see her. I'm done. ". I didn't respond but brought it up my lawyer a few days later. he advised me the judge won't allow that since DH isn't able to adopt DD right now. I sent BF a message advising what lawyer said and told him I'm not going to keep her from you. He responded, "I don't want anything with DD, I said that. I told you I'm done permenantly. You can tell her anything you want. I'm happy without her." I told him not change his mind later because I won't have him playing in and out games and reminded him that no matter what he would have to pay support. His response was, "Are you that stupid? I already told you that so don't ask anything from me, don't contact me." I told him fine I would see him in court in a few weeks.
How do I let DD know what's going on? BF hasn't seen or talked to her since her birthday party April 2nd. She doesn't like to talk about BF with me. I'm taking her to a counselor but she doesn't want to talk to him about BF either. What do I do?