Get Out. Go Away. Leave me Alone. I don't like you.

ghostgirl

In the last two weeks or so, DD says/yells these things to me/DH when she is not getting her way.  I was so taken aback the first time she said it that I'm not even sure how I reacted...probably with my mouth gaping open.  Anyway, I've been getting down on her level and saying "You can't talk to mommy and other people that way. It isn't nice" very sternly and leaving it at that.

Is that a good or bad tactic?  Any other suggestions?  I don't want her to think she can say these things whenever she feels like it.

FieryIrishAngel

Coming out of lurkdom because we're having similar issues with our DD, who turned 4 in April.  I get a lot of grunts and growls in response to her being told "no" or to stop doing something.  She also stomps her way up the stairs, often saying "you're not nice" or "you're bad" or "stop talking to me". 

The way we've been handling it is to simply correct her and tell her that she's not allowed to talk to us that way.  I do want her to be able to say "please leave me alone", but not when she's in the midst of being reprimanded for poor behavior.  It's hard to try to explain the difference, but we're working on it. 

Good luck!  I'll be interested to see if others have more/different advice.

shouldbworkin

Sometimes I just laugh it off and tell DD that I still love her anyway.  I think they are trying to 1) express themselves and 2) get a reaction.  If my DC wanted me to leave them alone b/c they were upset, then I'd take it as a good sign.  going to a safe place to be sad and figure it out is a good thing.  So maybe set up a safe place for her to go to when she's feeling like that, make sure she understands she's not being punished and that she can rejoin you whenever she feels like it.  Honestly, I much prefer that reaction to not getting their way vs. a tantrum.  It shows they're growing.

Sometimes when my kids get real nasty I will tell them that it's ok to tell me they didn't like what I said or they don't agree with me, but it's not ok to be hurtful.  This works better with my older DS than DD, though. 

Raspberry807

That's what we do with DS (will be 4 in August)... he's stopped hitting and now says mean things like that when he's angry.  And really, we did ask him to use his words instead of hitting LOL.

Sometimes when we're cuddling later and he's not all worked up I'll bring it up again and we'll talk about how we feel when people talk to us in different ways.

jlw2505

This is a totally phase.  Your child is looking for a reaction.  I do something simliar and jsut remind my DD that talk like that is not nice and then move on.  I don't make a big deal about it and it has gotten less often as it is getting her nowhere in regards to what she wants by the negative talk.

futrkingsley

DS uses language like this with us sometimes and we let him know that if he wants to be left alone he can go to his room and be alone.  And when he's done he can come back to join us.  And when he's being particularly nasty, I ask him if he ever hears me talk to him that way. And he always says no, which usually leads to some deep breaths on his part and a release of tension.