tell me about being a single mom...

Watergirl21

What do you think is the hardest thing about being a single Mom?

Obviously I am struggling with my DH... some days are okay, other's not so much.  I have went to several counsellors and they all told me the same thing.  basically DH had this really crap life/ family experience (various abuse, etc).  He did a lot to resolve stuff and had gotten his life together, which is when I met him.  But getting married and starting a family brought up a bunch of emotional issues and he doesn't seem to be coping well with life.  Basically, he has turned into a jerk since we got married and it got worst when we had DD, he seems to not want to be around us.  He did go to see a minister to talk to him about some of his issues, but i think unless he is willing to go see a counsellor on a regular basis things aren't going to change.  I care about DH a lot, but I want the best for everyone.

Most of my friends and family now want me to leave- because they see how upset frustrated/lonely I have been since we got married.   I want the best for DD and I don't want her growing up with a sad Mom and a MIA Dad.   Financially I can do it all on my own- but it will be tough.  What I worry about is having to do the shared custody thing, and the pain of ending the relationship... which is weird because DH is rarely home now.  Also DH doesn't do too much with DD- he has given her a bath maybe 10 times in the last year, and changes a diaper maybe once every few weeks.

Anyways I just want to make the decision with my eyes wide open... and if any of you have great happy endings that would be good too!

 

julia0402

I honestly really like being a single mom.  Then again I did choose it, since I left my husband.

I'd say the hardest part is knowing that he lets another woman mother my child (his current significant other) while he has Caro for visitation.  I don't know if the pain of that will ever fully go away.  Other than that, I don't have any real issues.  I'm really not lonely, I handle her just fine by myself, my life is much more peaceful and happy without him around, and I can certainly swing it financially without him.

Good luck  we are here for you. 

achase123

To me the hardest thing about being a single mom is giving up your idea of the "perfect family".  I don't mind shouldering the parenting duties all alone.  It's actually easier to not have to argue with XH because I'm sure we would have had different ideas on the subject. 

IMO, it's better to be lonely alone than be lonely in a marriage (as I was).  Good luck with whatever you decide.

Raspberry807

I didn't have a choice, he ended our relationship of 7 years and asked me to take the kids and leave.  I couldn't afford our apartment on my own, so I packed up my 2yr old and 6-week old and moved into a tiny apartment around the corner from him.

The hardest part was knowing he was doing whatever he wanted while I was taking care of our newborn and toddler, plus working full time.  And I just wanted so bad for him to wake up and realize our family needed to stay together.

It didn't take long for me to realize this was my new life, and I needed to make a plan. I got a new job, a nicer car, and bought my house at the end of that first year.  Every day it got easier to convince myself that I could do it on my own, and the kids were happy so I was doing a good job.

It's almost four years later now and though he lives 10 minutes away, he doesn't parent our kids at all.  He views his responsibility towards them as purely financial, and acts more like my free babysitter by keeping them two nights a month. My SO has moved in with us and is a great parenting figure for my kids, and his DD stays with us often.  So that's my happy ending

If he's MIA now, I wouldn't expect anything to be different if you split up.  So just know that you can be everything that your LO needs, and you both deserve someone that gives 100% to the relationship.  GL!

keychain01

beccaga16:

I know it sounds scary, and it obviously is not easy, but I still love it. I am glad that my child is safe and in a healthy environment. I am actually happy as a single mother even though it is hard. Everyday I feel like I accomplished something. Everytime she smiles or hits another milestone I am proud that I was there to help guide her. 

I totally agree with this. It's a struggle but wouldn't you want to struggle with something when at the end its soo precious?

DarthNBJenni

I agree with Julia & Raspberry. I love not having to parent with someone incapable of parenting. I do get irked that he sees himself as only a paycheck and occasionally baby-sitter. Sometimes I get upset that he gets to live his life carefree, but then I realize how miserable he really is. I also don't like the fact that I can't control who is around my children during his parenting time.

Cam1027

DarthNBJenni:

I agree with Julia & Raspberry. I love not having to parent with someone incapable of parenting. I do get irked that he sees himself as only a paycheck and occasionally baby-sitter. Sometimes I get upset that he gets to live his life carefree, but then I realize how miserable he really is. I also don't like the fact that I can't control who is around my children during his parenting time.

Very much all of this!