WWYD about DH deployment... — The Bump
Military Families

WWYD about DH deployment...

So I've been lurking on this board for a while now and now I need your opinions because DH and I are having a hard time weighing our options on this. We are both AD in the Air Force and I am currently 8 months pregnant with our first child, due on June 23. We just found out that our unit has DH schedualed to deploy leaving the last half of July. (Putting him back around the last part of November.) Our flight chiefs told us that they may be able to push him back a month or two if they can find someone to switch with him. What we are having a hard time deciding on is whether or not to see if they can push him back. So I guess what I'm asking is, in your opinion, would you rather have your DH here for the first few months of your childs life to help you adjust or have him go ahead and go on the deployment as scheduled and be back here for Christmas and when the major stuff (crawling, walking, ect.) starts happening? TIA

Re: WWYD about DH deployment...

  • IMO, I would rather him go when he is scheduled than have him go later.  From what it looks like, he'll be with you for the first few weeks.  Those are the toughest days.  By the time he leaves, you should be starting to get into a routine with your baby.  You will still have a bit of an adjustment, but you'll be able to figure it all out. 
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  • NSLNSL member
    I agree with the PP, but I would strongly recommend that you set up a really good support system to help you out while he's away.
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  • Plus it sounds like he will be there for the birth which is lucky because A LOT of service members miss that because they get deployed right before baby is due. Plus it would be nice to have your family together for the holidays anyway. Hope you figure everything out, fairly stress free.
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  • I agree with the previous posters.  Have him go at his slotted time.

    My DH missed our LO's birth and first nine months.  I wish he'd been home, he wasn't.  Our son is nearily two years old and DH is TDY for the work week and I am counting down the minutes until he gets home.  Being on my own with an infant was a lot less hard (after I recovered from delivery and got my PPD under control) than 24/7 with my delightful toddler.

    I'm sorry that your DH is going to be deploying, but having him there for the delivery and first couple of weeks will be good for you all and get through the early days.  As NSL mentioned, be sure to get a good support network in place so that you have folks to turn to when you need help or a pep talk. 

     

    And if you are reading this Leslie, my hat is off to you!  Twin toddlers and a deployed DH.  Sending a virtual hug and bottle of wine your way! 

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  • I agree with PPs as well. DH is currerently deployed and will be home when LO is around 9 or 10 months. He missed the birth, but should be back in time for the *big* milestones like walking and talking. I was upset he couldn't be here for the birth and absolutely wish he could be here everyday for her smiles and grunts and every silly face she makes, but it's honestly not nearly as hard as I expected to take care of her on my own. We make our own rules when it comes to bedtimes and wake up times and we get each other through each day. I don't even have time to think about DH more than once a day sometimes. Just as long as you have some support (friends or family) who can help you out the first week or two, you should be able to manage fine.
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  • My DH deployed only a couple of weeks after our son was born and right now it's looking like he won't make it home for his 1st birthday. Knowing all the I know now, I would much rather have him gone for the first few months. At that age they aren't really doing anything that exciting and to have to watch all of our sons big milestones (crawling, pulling up, 1st words) is heart breaking. But as hard as it is for me I know that it is 100x harder on DH knowing that he can't get those times back. So IMO I would say that he should deploy as planned so he can make it home by the time that your LO starts doing the exciting things.
    Married 5/29/09
    DS 8/10/2010 8lbs 6oz
    DD 11/28/2012 8lbs 7oz
    It's a Girl! Due 2/5/2017
  • imageSmudges*Mom:

    And if you are reading this Leslie, my hat is off to you!  Twin toddlers and a deployed DH.  Sending a virtual hug and bottle of wine your way! 

    HAHAHAHA!  OMG this made me laugh.  And thank you.

    ::said as they are across the room fighting over a Tonka truck while I try to ignore them and pretend I'm on a tropical island somewhere::

  • I agree with everyone else. My DH will be in Korea when this little one is born and we have decided that we'd rather have him home for christmas (baby will be 3 months old) than for the birth. So, we're hoping that's when he gets his mid tour. He was in Iraq when our other DD was born and came home for 18 days at Christmas and was gone until a week after her first Birthday. It's tough but it's not impossible. You can do this girl! (oh, and I'm AD USAF and he's AD US Army, so I know what it's like to be dual military and single parent)

     You get better time once the baby's a little older. You're a walking zombie that first few weeks.

     

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    DS-11 years, DD-3 years, DS-born 9/15/10, DD-9/09/11
    You're just giving birth now, you're not mother Earth now
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