SAHM Resources?(long)
kmb0806
member
Due to a change in our company culture that I am not comfortable working under, I am going to be a SAHM in 2 weeks. I don't know for sure if I will be a SAHM "forever" but DH is encouraging me to not jump into another job, but to figure our what I really want to do - and see if SAHM works for us as well.
I'm kinda nervous, because I've always been a "I would never be a SAHM - I would get bored; I feel like I "should" have a career because women fought hard for equality; I went to college and got a degree so I should use it, etc." person. I'm worried I will feel like I am not doing anything if I don't have a "real job." Like people will think I'm lazy - DH asks who these people are that I am so afraid of judging me, and I honestly don't know.
For those who SAH, what kind of daily/weekly routine do you have, if any, and what activities or groups have you found to join? How can I feel like I am pulling my weight in society if I'm not in the workforce? I realize that may be flameful, and I've personally never thought badly of those who SAH, but for some reason I think if I don't work I'm being lazy(even though I know from my mat leave how much harder I worked at home than I do sitting in my cubicle).
As you can tell I have lots of mixed emotions about this - I am so thrilled to be able to spend every day with DS(9mos old) and basically have complete freedom and time to decide if and when I want to return to work and what I would want to do, but I'm also a planner and that much freedom scares me a bit.
Re: SAHM Resources?(long)
I get more satisfaction out of taking care of my home & family than I ever did working. I take a lot of pride in cleaning, planning meals, and caring for my family. I like being able to accomplish errands, cleaning & cooking while DH is at work. Then when he is home, we get to really enjoy our time as a family without other distractions. I can tell you have a lot of mixed emotions, but I would try to focus on the benefits of being a SAHM.
We don't have a set schedule. We get out most days. We try to get together with our playgroup weekly, or at least have an organized play date. DS & I run errands together, play outside, go to the park or the library. He also helps me cook & do chores.
There is a ton of activities in Raleigh for SAHMs. Library storytime, swim lessons, check out Triangle Mommies, there are places like My Gym or Music Classes, the local museums are a lot of fun you can even get a membership, there are several community pools, once you get started you will be surprised at how much you can keep busy with.
It sounds like this can be a good time for you to focus on YOU. Are there things you want to do for yourself? Write? Learn to sew? Volunteer? Try to pick a few things to focus on while involving your son.
Good luck, SAH is tough but can be really satisfying!
We had a good routine this year because we had a lot of activities going on. If you are interested in him taking classes, etc I would look into all the free trial classes at different gyms, etc. I would also suggest looking into Raleigh Parks and Rec for classes, your local library, online at Meetup.com etc.
Our "routine" this year was Monday:music class, Tues:Library Story Time, Wed: Play Group, Thurs: Free Day, Fri: Mom and Tot preschool. We would do all those activities in the morning, come home, have lunch, watch a kids show, nap, then after nap play outside or with a friend.
Now that summer is here things will be a little different, but we play to keep ourselves busy in the morning, and then more relaxed in the afternoon. We have to get out or I go crazy!
I went from working FT to staying home, to working PT, back to FT work and after next week I will be home FT permanently. It is a hard transition to make, and I never thought I wanted to stay home - ever. But once I was home with Owen, I loved it. You do get in to a good routine, and no day is boring and you are still working hard
I don't know where you live, but I have joined a couple meetup groups in my area for stay at home moms for toddlers (although there are plenty of infant or all age range groups, too), and we have neighbors and friends who SAH that I can see more often, too. We have a schedule pretty much planned out for Monday - speech therapy, Tuesday - preschool, Wednesday - pool (or if raining, library), Thursday - preschool, Friday - whatever (museum, playdate, lunch with DH, and so on). I also plan on going grocery shopping one morning a week with him, and there is alot of stuff around our house like Triangle Town Center to play or go to Barnes and Noble, Petco to see the animals, we do Little Gym on the weekends, but since I am home we will switch to a weekday class. We are going to do swim lessons as well on the weekends. I feel like just by having 1 thing to do a day (in the AM for us since nap is 1 - 3 or 4), it really helps break the day up and give us something to do.
I can kind of see where you are coming from by appearing lazy or being judged, but you are going to work SO hard being home with him. I have also taken the approach of it's my job to keep the house in order and find ways to save for our family. Whether it's by couponing, finding sales and deals (just found a way to refi DH's car and save $80 a month), or swapping with other families for things, I want to save. I want to make life easier for everyone, so instead of DH and I cleaning for 3+ hours on the weekends and trying to run all of our errands and not getting a chance to really relax, I now have the bonus of running out on a Tuesday morning to get my shopping done with no crowd, and it's one less thing to interrupt family time when DH is home. While I am really nervous about being home again and dealing with a whiny tantruming toddler and being pregnant/having a newborn, I can't wait to get our routine going and settle in to making things a little easier on everyone. I hope that you can find a happy medium for yourself and feel good about staying home!
One of my best friends had the same feelings/emotions as you when she quit her job to SAH. She had been a teacher, but after having her second baby and her husband getting a big promotion, it just didn't make sense for her to basically work to pay for daycare. She struggled with the same things you are, but I think she really loves it now. She has gotten into a good routine like the other ladies suggested and also makes time everyday to do something for herself (like going to the gym to workout after her boys are in bed). She has also gotten into photography and has started a small business, so I I think that has really helped her.
I think it is a blessing to be able to stay at home, if that is what you want. I currently work part time, so I am thankful to have the time I do with my children, but am considering cutting back even more in the Fall and have had some of the same thoughts as you. Best of luck to you!