Sort of mixed feelings...family related.

JakesBride07

Fair warning, I am pretty sure this is a pointless post, but I need to "say it out loud" so thank you in advanced for reading this.

So a guess two weeks ago we had that whole falling out with MIL/FIL. Since then we have only been info communication with DH's aunt. When we got the news on Addison's cleft and reflux we called and told her. She asked if it would be alright to tell DH's parents...ok fine. Since then we have heard nothing from anyone in his family. Aunts not returning calls and his parents have made no attempt to reach us.

Honestly I/we have felt so much better since we stopped talking to them because we dont feel like we are walking in egg shells, etc. But at the same time I am honestly I think it is pretty messed up that one minute they claim to care the next they want nothing tondo with us or the babies and can't even call tonsee if they are ok. How in the world can you claim you care but then act like that?

So fast forward to Mother's Day. I asked DH if he was going to call his mom. His response was "no, not after all she said about us and the babies and especially nit after the fact that she has not one time bothered to make things right. I know her and in her mind she thinks she is right and if I call she is either going to think its all ok or she is going to want to cause more trouble and I think you deserve better thrn to be upset on your first mother'S day." I left it alone but just said I respected his feelings but to be sure he could deal with handle the what ifs.

Well I ran in to BIL two days ago and he asks why he hasn't heard from us. Mind you we've never had a relationship with thrn wher we call all the time etc. Intact they too have not called, fb, email nothing to check on the babies since they have been born. Then he goes on to say "Just so you know I am pissed at your husband. It's pretty f-Ed that he can't call his own mother on Mothers  day." my response was, "honestly if you dont know the situation thrn dont go making judgment calls and honestly it doesn't concern you, so really you have no reason to get pissed at him"

BIL changed his tune real quick (and keep in mind this isn't BIL's mother its his MIL too.) and said he doesn't know what went down, everytime someone brings it up he walks away because he isn't getting in it, but that we should know its not going to get better because they are pretty pissed off.

I honestly can just not get over the fact that his whole family has decided to be this childish. Down to the point that they weren't even going to answer a text from DH saying he was coming to pick up our baby stuff that they offered to store for us, because i bought it very early one and really didn't want to havebit in our house until we made room. Finally they answered with"you can't come in the house but we three it all in the back of our car, get it from there if you want it."

Ok so like I said no real point in this post other then i just needed to vent. I am just amazed at how ridiculous people can be sometimes and how quick they are to turn their back on their own family (at a time of crisis) all because someone stops letting them walk all over them. I think part of this too is that his parents can't stand that my mom has somehow done a 360 had has went above and beyond to be supportive. I feel like I can't have a relationship with both at the same time because if this jealousy.

If you read all this you deserve a glass of wine or a cookie...something.

njdcgirl

Wow.  I'm sorry you are dealing with all that.  It sounds like both sides are pretty hurt in all this.  I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry.

*Chicken*

I didn't see your previous regarding the IL but this sounds like a nightmare. You have so much to deal regarding your LOs I can't imagine how it Is to also deal with difficult IL. I'm so sorry.

shanlubey

I've read about the nightmare you are dealing with as well as many unfavorable situations at the NICU. I would suggest talking to someone, whether a pastor, social worker or therapist. All of this negative energy around you, along with the trials of being a NICU mom, can really affect your wellbeing. You need to take care of yourself. These people sound like bad news in your lives.

JakesBride07

njdcgirl:

Wow.  I'm sorry you are dealing with all that.  It sounds like both sides are pretty hurt in all this.  I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry.

I think you are more then right on this. But what ironic to me is that both SIL and DH's Aunt had a conversation with me about how at some point there would be a conversation with MIL about her behavior and her health in regards to the babies but some how now they both have walked away. Prior to his Aunt not even returning phone calls she flat out said to me, "Your right, we knew it was coming to this and you and J would have to be the "bad person" because right now you are the ones with the babies. But when it comes down to it, I have to pacify her because she's my sister and all I've got left. If I loose a relationship with her I will end up loosing a relationship with A (SIL) too." So I guess in a way I figured that's how it would play out in the end, but it doesn't make it any less bitter.

As for MIL being hurt, I really think if she stopped and absorbed what we were saying she wouldn't be as hurt. For her I think it's coming to terms with a lot of things.

Even more so I think she doesn't like to give up control of any situation and when someone takes that control from her and puts their foot down, it ends badly.

I wish there was some way to make it better but I am not really even sure where to start. I don't think I can ever have the same relationship with her again after what she said.

JakesBride07

shanlubey:

I've read about the nightmare you are dealing with as well as many unfavorable situations at the NICU. I would suggest talking to someone, whether a pastor, social worker or therapist. All of this negative energy around you, along with the trials of being a NICU mom, can really affect your wellbeing. You need to take care of yourself. These people sound like bad news in your lives.

Sadly at this point they are. I do have someone who I feel comfortable opening up to, and I find it does help for me to talk and even sometimes write things down. Up until the run in with BIL, I felt 100% less stressed on the family front because they were leaving us alone. I guess after hearing BIL get so defensive about a situation that he really doesn't know about (or atleast that's what he said) made me a little upset. Prior to all of this BIL and "us" DH and I had a decent relationship and a mutal respect for each other.

I try to be a people pleaser most of the time and a lot of time that comes off as someone who can be walked all over or is this fragile little butterfly. Which really rocks the boat when I have to put my foot down. I just don't like to see people angry at one another if that makes sense.