Birth Stories

Daughter passed 5/2/11- Delivered 5/3/11.......1st baby *tears*

Just wanted to share my experience with you guys!!

I was 34 weeks pregnant when i started to have very bad pain in my side and stomach. Not a contraction type, come and go type pain, but a consistent, nagging, agonizing pain. I went to emergency and they rushed me to a room where they pulled out the doppler to listen to the baby.......no heartbeat. They called in a doctor and an ultrasound tech. They searched and searched but still no heartbeat. It felt as though time stood still, like my world came to a complete stop!! Still no heartbeat!! Thats when they pronounced her dead! In my heart i knew she was gone but i did not want to accept it. The hurtful thing was that i had to call her father and tell him over the phone that his daughter was gone since he hadnt made it to the hospital yet. I could hear his heart breaking over the phone. My mother was there with me and the pain in her face hurt just as much.

They poked away at my hands, feet and arms to draw blood to run tests to figure out what had happened. They came to the conclusion that it was a placental abruption caused by sudden preeclampsia and a spike of my blood pressure which had been otherwise normal. I was wondering what would happen at that point and they said that I had to deliver her vaginally because c-section would be too risky for me. As much as i didnt wanna go through that I had no choice. I told them that I wanted to have an epidural and feel no pain.....i was in enough already!! The thought of having the epidural angered me because I wanted to deliver my daughter naturally.....so much for that!

At this point i thought my water had broken.....until i pulled the covers back and looked.....all blood!! Scared the hell outta me!!!!! And it just kept gushing....... My fiance was by my side by then and he nearly broke down into tears. He thought he was going to lose me to. The doctors had brought up the idea of me possibly having a blood transfusion cuz i was losing quite a bit of blood and passing some rather large blood clots. Well...they got that under control (Thank you Jesus!!). This is all on Monday!

Tuesday is delivery day...... not a happy moment!! The same pain i was feeling when i got to the hospital is the same pain i was feeling when it was time to push but on the opposite side. Pushing her head out was the toughest part. When it finally came out i looked up at my finace and i could see him holding back the tears and the fear in his eyes. He said that she was born with her mouth wide open (wouldnt close at all) with dark red lips (blood had pooled into her little lips). Then out came the rest of her body!! AGAIN...it felt like time had stopped and the room went silent. No cry.....no whining....no movement....no nothing!! All i could hear is my heart beating.....all i could see was the tears in my fiance, my mother and my midwifes eyes!!! Taylor Jai Miller was born!!

My fiance and I, after she was cleaned off and wrapped, got the chance to spend most of the day with her. She didnt feel dead, even though we knew she was, she just looked sleep. SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I MEAN AN ANGEL!! Perfect from head to toe. We cried and laughed and took plenty of pictures of her. A non-profit organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep came in and took lots and lots of pictures of me, Taylor and her father! They were beautiful.

Her funeral is this Saturday and i tell you, there is nothing more painful than having to bury your own child. Im not looking forward to this at all but it has to be done. I just ask that you all keep me, my family, and those connected to us in your prayers. We could definitely use them!! Thanks <3

Re: Daughter passed 5/2/11- Delivered 5/3/11.......1st baby *tears*

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss. My T&P's are with you and your family.
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  • MJCFMJCF member
    I am so sorry. 
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  • There are no words. You will be in my thoughts on Saturday and the days leading up to it. No one should have to go through that. I am so sorry that you are.

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  • My T&P are with you and your family.

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  • Oh my, I am so very very sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you. I am glad that the Now I lay me down to sleep people where there for you and got pictures.  You and your family will of course be in my prayers. If you need an ear (eyes?) to vent to please do not hesitate to PM me. I have never been in your situation but I will listen non the less.
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  • I am deeply sorry for your loss.  My prayers are with you and your FI.  
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker First missed m/c = 1/30/08 Second missed m/c = 4/22/09 CJ born = 4/29/10 Courtney born = 7/22/11
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  • This is just SO unfair! I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words to ease your pain. I simply can't imagine how you are feeling...
  • I am so, so very sorry!  I have no words to express my heartbreak for you!

    T&P are with you for as long as you need...

    ~ Never give up on something you cannot go a day without thinking about ~


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    EDD May 12th 2012



    image image





    Married my best friend 12/31/2009

    Stopped DepoProvera 12/09 (after 3 yrs of use)

    Dx PCOS, Factor V 8/10

    Developed liver damage from Metformin (still being monitored) 1/11

    Still no AF ~ even after Provera 1/11

    Low dose BCP 1/11 ~ and AF finally showed up!

    No decent follies, no spontaneous O 2/11

    Bicornuate uterus found on 3rd u/s and HSG is all-clear 3/11

    Clomid, 50mg CD5-10 3/11 ~ 3 nice follies ~ BFN

    Clomid, 50mg CD5-10 4/11 ~ 3 nice follies ~ BFN

    Clomid, 100mg CD5-10 6/11 ~ 2 awesome follies ~ BFN

    No meds, no tracking 7/11 ~ taking a break from TTC ~ BFN

    No meds, no tracking 8/11 ~ taking a break from TTC ~ BFP!!!
    at 9dpo (only tested to dispel phantom symptoms)
  •     
  • My thoughts and prayers are with you...
  • I couldn't even make it through your story without te tears flowing down my eyes. Life is so unfair sometimes and I am extremely sorry for your loss! I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight!
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  • I am typing this as tears roll down my face......I know many will tell you that it will be okay-but this is not what you want to hear, nor will it help your aching heart.

    You are brave to share this story, your pain, and even your moments of joy-being able to see and hold her.

    Prayers for you and your family

  • So sad. Im so sorry. My prayers are with your family. So scary and tragic. Laura
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  • I am so, so sorry for your loss. You are so strong and brave to share your story. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.  I can't even comprehend the strength it would take to get through a situation like that. 
    My 1st little miracle JAC born 4/8/09- Photobucket BabyFruit Ticker Working on Miracle #2 When the world says "give up." Hope whispers"Try one more time"
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  • I can barely see the computer screen, my tears have me blinded. I'm so very sorry, hang in there, even if its only by a thread. I'm glad you shared your birth story, because maybe it will help with closure, and maybe it will help someone going through a similar situation. Take care.
  • You story broke my heart. I have tears and shivers down my whole body. You are such a strong woman, a prime example of strenght. I wish I could say something to you to make your pain a little lest traumatizing. You are in my thoughts. T&Px10000

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  • I'm know it's of no consolation.  I'm so very very sorry.  Sharing tears with you...
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.
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  • I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. You, your family and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • image millerfam5:

    Just wanted to share my experience with you guys!!

    I was 34 weeks pregnant when i started to have very bad pain in my side and stomach. Not a contraction type, come and go type pain, but a consistent, nagging, agonizing pain. I went to emergency and they rushed me to a room where they pulled out the doppler to listen to the baby.......no heartbeat. They called in a doctor and an ultrasound tech. They searched and searched but still no heartbeat. It felt as though time stood still, like my world came to a complete stop!! Still no heartbeat!! Thats when they pronounced her dead! In my heart i knew she was gone but i did not want to accept it. The hurtful thing was that i had to call her father and tell him over the phone that his daughter was gone since he hadnt made it to the hospital yet. I could hear his heart breaking over the phone. My mother was there with me and the pain in her face hurt just as much.

    They poked away at my hands, feet and arms to draw blood to run tests to figure out what had happened. They came to the conclusion that it was a placental abruption caused by sudden preeclampsia and a spike of my blood pressure which had been otherwise normal. I was wondering what would happen at that point and they said that I had to deliver her vaginally because c-section would be too risky for me. As much as i didnt wanna go through that I had no choice. I told them that I wanted to have an epidural and feel no pain.....i was in enough already!! The thought of having the epidural angered me because I wanted to deliver my daughter naturally.....so much for that!

    At this point i thought my water had broken.....until i pulled the covers back and looked.....all blood!! Scared the hell outta me!!!!! And it just kept gushing....... My fiance was by my side by then and he nearly broke down into tears. He thought he was going to lose me to. The doctors had brought up the idea of me possibly having a blood transfusion cuz i was losing quite a bit of blood and passing some rather large blood clots. Well...they got that under control (Thank you Jesus!!). This is all on Monday!

    Tuesday is delivery day...... not a happy moment!! The same pain i was feeling when i got to the hospital is the same pain i was feeling when it was time to push but on the opposite side. Pushing her head out was the toughest part. When it finally came out i looked up at my finace and i could see him holding back the tears and the fear in his eyes. He said that she was born with her mouth wide open (wouldnt close at all) with dark red lips (blood had pooled into her little lips). Then out came the rest of her body!! AGAIN...it felt like time had stopped and the room went silent. No cry.....no whining....no movement....no nothing!! All i could hear is my heart beating.....all i could see was the tears in my fiance, my mother and my midwifes eyes!!! Taylor Jai Miller was born!!

    My fiance and I, after she was cleaned off and wrapped, got the chance to spend most of the day with her. She didnt feel dead, even though we knew she was, she just looked sleep. SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I MEAN AN ANGEL!! Perfect from head to toe. We cried and laughed and took plenty of pictures of her. A non-profit organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep came in and took lots and lots of pictures of me, Taylor and her father! They were beautiful.

    Her funeral is this Saturday and i tell you, there is nothing more painful than having to bury your own child. Im not looking forward to this at all but it has to be done. I just ask that you all keep me, my family, and those connected to us in your prayers. We could definitely use them!! Thanks <3

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I myself am an angel mother and the coincedence is my son died on 05/01/10 and I had him on 05/02/10. I know the pain and hurt you are feeling and it is the worst thing in the world to bury your angel. I lost my son Mark-Anthony F. Akins Jr the same exact way with a sudden placental abruption. I have you and your family in my prayers. You and your hubby stick by each others side, I know that helped me out a lot was the fact my husband was there by my side the entire time. Keep your head up from one angel mom to the next everything will be okay :-)!

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. {{hugs}}
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  • I am so very sorry for your loss.
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  • Dman85Dman85 member
    Tenth Anniversary 1000 Comments Photogenic
    I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers are with you and your family during this hard time.
    BFP Baby #1 06/16/2011 Charles Robert Born 02/08/2012 BFP #2 08/07/2012 Graham Leo Born 3/29/13 Dman's Blog
  • my heart breaks for you...you are in my prayers
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