Just wanted to share my experience with you guys!!
I was 34 weeks pregnant when i started to have very bad pain in my side and stomach. Not a contraction type, come and go type pain, but a consistent, nagging, agonizing pain. I went to emergency and they rushed me to a room where they pulled out the doppler to listen to the baby.......no heartbeat. They called in a doctor and an ultrasound tech. They searched and searched but still no heartbeat. It felt as though time stood still, like my world came to a complete stop!! Still no heartbeat!! Thats when they pronounced her dead! In my heart i knew she was gone but i did not want to accept it. The hurtful thing was that i had to call her father and tell him over the phone that his daughter was gone since he hadnt made it to the hospital yet. I could hear his heart breaking over the phone. My mother was there with me and the pain in her face hurt just as much.
They poked away at my hands, feet and arms to draw blood to run tests to figure out what had happened. They came to the conclusion that it was a placental abruption caused by sudden preeclampsia and a spike of my blood pressure which had been otherwise normal. I was wondering what would happen at that point and they said that I had to deliver her vaginally because c-section would be too risky for me. As much as i didnt wanna go through that I had no choice. I told them that I wanted to have an epidural and feel no pain.....i was in enough already!! The thought of having the epidural angered me because I wanted to deliver my daughter naturally.....so much for that!
At this point i thought my water had broken.....until i pulled the covers back and looked.....all blood!! Scared the hell outta me!!!!! And it just kept gushing....... My fiance was by my side by then and he nearly broke down into tears. He thought he was going to lose me to. The doctors had brought up the idea of me possibly having a blood transfusion cuz i was losing quite a bit of blood and passing some rather large blood clots. Well...they got that under control (Thank you Jesus!!). This is all on Monday!
Tuesday is delivery day...... not a happy moment!! The same pain i was feeling when i got to the hospital is the same pain i was feeling when it was time to push but on the opposite side. Pushing her head out was the toughest part. When it finally came out i looked up at my finace and i could see him holding back the tears and the fear in his eyes. He said that she was born with her mouth wide open (wouldnt close at all) with dark red lips (blood had pooled into her little lips). Then out came the rest of her body!! AGAIN...it felt like time had stopped and the room went silent. No cry.....no whining....no movement....no nothing!! All i could hear is my heart beating.....all i could see was the tears in my fiance, my mother and my midwifes eyes!!! Taylor Jai Miller was born!!
My fiance and I, after she was cleaned off and wrapped, got the chance to spend most of the day with her. She didnt feel dead, even though we knew she was, she just looked sleep. SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I MEAN AN ANGEL!! Perfect from head to toe. We cried and laughed and took plenty of pictures of her. A non-profit organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep came in and took lots and lots of pictures of me, Taylor and her father! They were beautiful.
Her funeral is this Saturday and i tell you, there is nothing more painful than having to bury your own child. Im not looking forward to this at all but it has to be done. I just ask that you all keep me, my family, and those connected to us in your prayers. We could definitely use them!! Thanks