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September 2011 Moms
spidermonkeymomma
member
Who will be invited to your shower?
spidermonkeymomma
member
My mom's best friend is insisting on throwing me a shower next month and I sent my mom a list of friend's that I'd like to invite. I asked her who else is being included in this shower and she emailed me a list of about 15 other people. I questioned half of them because they are my mom's friends and I don't really have any relationship with them. I feel awkward including them as I feel like that's awkward and somewhat rude (gift grabby).
My mom's response was that it's "a great opportunity to stay in touch with friends and celebrate" ... do you know who you are inviting yet? Does that seem weird to invite people you don't really have a connection with?
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Re: Who will be invited to your shower?
So I had this issue more with people from out of town. To me it seemed rude to invite someone who I know in all reality won't come. And, yet, everyone was telling me to give them the right of refusal. So, that is what I ended up doing. They were all family (in-laws) and a couple of close friends who have moved away.
I see where you find it awkward. Do you have any connection with them at all? I could see where some of my mom's work friends might give her a little something to give me (she has a couple who she talks with and spends time with outside of work who I have met numerous times), but I probably wouldn't invite them to my shower.
The list I gave my mom included some of my close friends and family. She and my MIL are throwing the shower together and I'm not sure what they decided about their friends.
My mom has two big groups of girlfriends (about 7-8 women in each group) who would normally be invited to something like this, and most of whom I've known since I was a baby. I was sort of hoping to keep it a little smaller and more laid back, so I'm not sure. Mom thought that maybe the one group would rather spend an evening at the beach with me sometime this summer and the other group would maybe rather include me in one of their lunches this summer than all of them sitting through a shower anyway, so we may end up doing that.
Thanks lmjt & Lily--
lmjt, I was telling myself that last night but I also was feeling really guilty about it as well. Some of the people on the list are people who I know but a few are people who I haven't seen in years-- one of them is a neighbor who introduced themselves to me at my grandfather's shiva like they didn't know who I was.
I've only been to my BFFs shower and I hosted it-- it was mostly her friends since she lives so far away from her family. It's hard for me to picture what another baby shower would be like!
For my shower, I'm inviting friends and family on both sides. There are some people I'd like to leave off, but I include them for DH even though he won't even be there.
I find showers, in general, to be awkward and uncomfortable so I'd probably be pretty uncomfortable as it is, and I can't imagine opening gifts in front of people who are basically strangers to you. Honestly this shower is probably a chance for you to get gifts (yay!) and your mom to show off (and I do mean that is a nice non snarky way). Usually events like this there is some level of "suck it up" involved. Just try and invite as many of your friends as possible so you don't feel totally overwhelmed by strangers.
This has become such an issue. I honestly don't care, it's politics between my mom and her friends. Yet I'm supposed to come up with this master list. it just seems like an awful lot of work and stress. According to my mom, some of her friends aren't inviting other friends to their kid's showers blah blah blah. I honestly just want to see the ones I have a relationship with. But then I have to worry about hurting other people's feelings.
And then there are my friends. I have a very small core group of friends, like 3 girls. Aside from that it's people I see on occasion, but I wouldn't go out of my way to go out to dinner with them or anything.
The whole thing is making me feel like I'm too much of a hassle for people to bother with and it's irritating. This is all being projected on me by my mom who has her own issues....
My MIL threw me a shower and I barely knew half the people there. It was awkward, but like someone else said, it's more about the grandma being able to show off and throw a party than anything. Most of them were from her church, where DH grew up. So they all knew him and watched him grow up. And then alot of his extended family that we don't know well. But it was MIL's party, I was just the guest of honor. And if all those people wanted to come and bring gifts and were excited about our baby, then whatever.
The shower my family threw was pretty much the same way for DH. He didn't know most of them because they were my extended family that he hasn't been around much, and people I knew growing up. It's just how it is. I really didn't have anything to do with the guest list for either shower.
I gave my mom a list of my friends I'd like her to invite. Then she and my MIL are going to put together their own lists of family and friends. Since my mom is paying for the shower, I'm leaving it entirely up to her.
One thing I will suggest is that you might feel that you don't have a relationship with these women, but they do have a relationship with your mom or MIL probably. In some cases, they may even remember when you were born. So, I don't think it's rude or gift grabby to invite them, they would probably love the opportunity to see you "all grown up" and pregnant.
I don't think it looks grabby simply because you're not the one throwing it. If anything, it will make them look askance at your mom's friend, but I doubt they will. Some people really, really, really love these kind of events. It sounds like your mom's core group of friends is among them. If you're comfortable with having them there I wouldn't worry about it.
As for me: my shower is a surprise being planned by my mom, mother in law, and husband. Apparently, after some initial mother-in-law drama, everyone is on the same page. That's all I know!
I have made a preliminary list but nothing final as no shower dates are actually set yet. The only friends of my mom on my list though are ones that watched me grow up and that I have a connection with as well. They will be included in my family shower and then I have a list of my friends for my friend shower. (I have had 2 offers so I am going to take them both up on it.)
That said, if it really means a lot for your mom to invite these people I would just let it go. If they are her close friends it might not be as weird as you think.
I think it's normal for friends of the moms to be invited. I know MY mom's girlfriends but I hardly know my MIL's friends. I think it's just a chance for her friends to celebrate MIL become a grandma and I'm totally cool with that.
I'll likely have 2 showers - one thrown by MIL and SIL, and one thrown by my aunts for my side of the family.
MIL's shower will be both of DH's sides of the family, MIL's girlfriends, and a few of my friends that know that side of the family better.
My side of the family shower will be the same - both sides of my family, my mom's girlfriends, and a few of my friends that are closer to that side of the family.
I'm having three:
One my mom & sis are throwing: Female relatives + a few friends that live near where I grew up.
One MIL is throwing: Female relatives on DH's side + MIL's friends, about 20 of them.
One our friends are throwing here: Our friends.
We'll always remember our angel baby: BFP 9/24/10, M/C 10/23/10 8w4d
My friends are throwing a shower at my mom's house. About 5 of my mom's friends are coming, but they are all people I know well and have some sort of long term relationship with (most are parents of friends from elementary school). They all go to each others kids weddings, bridal showers, etc so I feel like it is normal. We have a very very small family, so the numbers are not overwhelming.
My mom was like "they are going to want to buy you gifts, so you shouldn't feel weird about having them there". MIL also asked to invite a few of her friends---I know them less well, obviously, but it makes sense to me that she wants them there as this is a party to celebrate the future grandchild.