Baby Shower Drama

HisEarth

My Mom & sister are hosting a baby shower for me in June.  My MiL was planning one as well, until I convinced her to combine it with my family.  I think I'm regretting that suggestion.

My mom has reserved a small, but very nice venue .. the place seats 50-60 comfortably.  The guest list among the 3 of us (sister, mom & myself) is 34 guests.  I received my MiL guest list .. 46 guests!  Really?!

I've mentioned before that my MiL is a minister & when I tell you every other guest on her list is a Rev., Min., First Lady .. some of these folk live out of state!

I called & asked her to streamline her guest list & to select the folk she really thought would attend .. mind you, I know none of these people .. NONE!  I also told her that we would be sending out birth annoucements, because she kept insisting that many of the OOT folk 'needed' to know because they would want to send a gift. (Now, it sounds like we're begging for gifts!)

I received her revised list showing 16 of the 46 names highlighted in red which should receive birth announcements instead of shower invites .. still 30 people I don't know.

She called me yesterday to remove 2 names from the shower list, bringing her guest total to 28.  She just called me today to add 2 different names to the shower list (names I DO know).  With all her 'showboating' with church folk, she forgot to include her sister-in-law & niece!

This is going to be my life with this woman's grandchild.

mcwhittaker

I told my Mother early on that I don't want a shower... one of the biggest reasons? 

The baby shower is about the BABY, all the Grandmothers seem to think it's about them.

Tell your MIL that you're not comfortable accepting gifts from people you don't know.

And as for birth announcements... maybe she's not understanding that an announcement is just that.. an announcement. People don't send gifts for a birth announcement

 I have about 55 announcements I will be sending, mostly to extended family because I want them all to know that my Dad did end up being a Grandpa, even if he wasn't able to see it himself We haven't really kept in touch with his extended family after he passed away 7 years ago.

I ended up deciding to go with Tiny Prints on the announcements. They let you create an address book with all the recipients, so before you deliver you can preload all the recipients then afterward, select/add the photo and statistic information, then have them mail all the announcements out for you.

HUGE in my book, the less I have to deal with after the baby is here, the better! 

LauraLynneC

Oh My Gosh.  I feel for you, I really do.  Hopefully the majority of people she invited recognize that they're your MIL friends and it's a little awkward to go to your shower.  What a pain in the neck though!!

HisEarth

McWhittaker, at this rate, I'm going to let her send out the birth annoucements!

I have a large extended family & trust my people will must liking be receiving an email with the baby's picture as an announcement.  I don't need to impress or 'showboat' to anyone.

I understand that this is her first (& only grandchild), but I would like to celebrate with people I know & who genuinely care about our new addition.

Now, my Mom is talking about eliminating folk from her guest list to accommodate MiL .. uh, no!  The guests on my Mom's list are family & friends who have known me my entire life or dayum near .. people who are truly coming to celebrate with us not just to see the show!

Sorry, y'all I'm having a FML moment & I guess the hormones don't help.

SchnauzerL0ver

Ugh that sounds pretty stressful, sounds like my MIL's list for the wedding!

I'm sure we'll have baby shower drama when the time comes my husband is the only one of his siblings who has a relationship with his mother and her family.  His father is divorced and has pushed the kids not to have a relationship with her.

We had MAJOR drama with the wedding and inviting everyone. 

I dread another issue

HisEarth

SchnauzerL0ver:

Ugh that sounds pretty stressful, sounds like my MIL's list for the wedding!

I'm sure we'll have baby shower drama when the time comes my husband is the only one of his siblings who has a relationship with his mother and her family.  His father is divorced and has pushed the kids not to have a relationship with her.

We had MAJOR drama with the wedding and inviting everyone. 

I dread another issue

We had the same issue with the wedding, but the difference was DH & I footed the bill, so MiL was given a # of guests she could invite & that list was checked by DH.

Augustbride

I feel for you however if she is from a very close knit church I can see it. My friend used to go to a church that almost all the parish is very involved in all church events. So when things like weddings and babies come up the whole church comes to events. Her baby shower was in GA so too far for the church to travel but the whole congregation showed up to witness the ceremony. Good luck!

bridgeybride

Aww. she probably is just very excited about the baby... and active in her church..and she has probably given gifts to all those people for their grandchildren/children..etc.... so now's her/your turn to enjoy all the love and gifts..

Yes, I agree.. that it is a little weird to get gifts from people you don't know..but I've given gifts to my colleagues for their grandchildren when I really don't know their daughters/in laws.. I just think of how excited they are about the baby..and want to extend the love.  That's why it is a shower... to "shower you with love..."

RE: invites.. atleast she's working with you on it.. a friend of mine had her MIL invite people to her bridal shower who WEREN'T on the list.. the woman SENT OUT HER OWN INVITES!!!!  and people started RSVPing who WEREN"T invited...  It could be worse...   Could you IMAGINE??!!!!  and now with her baby shower.. she keeps adding names to her list when the invites went out already. 

Pearly609

Sounds like what I went through with my mom when I was pregnant with my DD.  I wound up having two showers.  The shower my mother through for me were mainly for her church friends, most of whom I didn't know, but let me tell you, the gifts were amazing.  My daughter who is 15 still has some of them.  They were either hand made or knitted and lasted longer then store gifts I received.

It may not be a bad idea to let her throw the shower so she doesn't mess up the one your family is planning for you.  GL!

My shower is next week and that comes with drama.  My sister told me last night that my other two sisters aren't helping her, mind you, I've told them all that I don't want a shower but they were insistent, now my one sister has everything on her sholders.  This should be interesting as they did this to me at her 40th birthday party last year...

kimb311

Ugghh, has anyone had a shower that didn't involve some type of family BS?!! Why do familys do this? I am never celebrating another thing!! LOL 

I hope it all works out for you in the end. I have no advice, sorry

alliapistor

Can you just come up with a number that your mother feels comfortable hosting and tell MIL that she can invite X number of people and let her apportion it however she wants?  If the number really is too small for her, let her have a separate church shower.

 

HisEarth

The thing is when she was planning her own shower, to be held at her home, she stressed that it was going to be just family members (she's 1 of 10 children).  Plus, my in-laws' place is small & she was planning on doing this in the backyard!

Also, these 'church folk' are from various churches & associations of hers!

I'm over it, my Mom (always the classy one) has told me not to stress about .. she understands that it's my MiL 1st (& only) grandchild & they will make it work .. *le sigh*

kimb311

Your mom sounds amazing! Take her advice, don't worry about it! Try to just enjoy!

newmomma72

Pearly609:

Sounds like what I went through with my mom when I was pregnant with my DD.  I wound up having two showers.  The shower my mother through for me were mainly for her church friends, most of whom I didn't know, but let me tell you, the gifts were amazing.  My daughter who is 15 still has some of them.  They were either hand made or knitted and lasted longer then store gifts I received.

It may not be a bad idea to let her throw the shower so she doesn't mess up the one your family is planning for you.  GL!

I think this sounds good. To be honest when my sister got married, my mom's church friends threw her a shower and even tho my sister knew hardly any of them, she loved it. I was a lil jealous when my turn finally came b/c my mom was not in the same position and my shower was thrown by my BMs...