Venting....DH is not so dear

nellieboo

In fact he's being an a-hole   I have been nauseous and exhausted for 3 wks straight. He's got clean clothes and there is food he can make himself, but that's about the most I've done at home. I will say he has made an effort trying to help out more, but I think it's gotten old for him. Last night our puppy pooped in the basement (where he was) but it was my fault because I wasn't watching him (I was upstairs). He started yelling at me saying he was sorry I didn't feel well but I needed to suck it up and start doing things "like other people".  Ugh, seriously. He hates his job right now (like absolutely hates it) and is stressed about money, but the last thing I need is him making me feel bad. Does he think I enjoy the feeling of puking or feeling like I have to puke 24 hrs/day for 3 wks now and no end in sight? Anyone have any advice of how to deal with him? I've told him he needs to read up on pregnancy and that I'm not making this up. We aren't talking right now because that's how he deals. I love him, but man he can be so immature. Thanks for listening ladies....

Gregsbride22

I'm sorry he's not being understanding, mine is like that sometimes too.  (Plus, my DH is hating his job too and that is ALL he talks about recently).  I would try to have a talk with him so that he can understand how you're feeling.  And maybe have him read a pregnancy book (for guys) to explain some what you are going through.  Hugs!

lkstor

i'm sorry

puppies poop!  that's just what they do!  clearly not your fault.

i think you should just ignore him.  hopefully your pregnancy will get easier!

YukonC

I'm sorry. I don't really have any good advice but with my first pg, DH told me to suck it up and I cried to his sister about it who basically read him the riot act, which seemed to work.

jnealet

Everyone here is so much nicer then I will ever be with DH!  I would have told DH to suck it up and get over himself - that this is the way that it will be from now on... if he's lucky. 

I had to make a list of chores for DH, I hated doing it because I thought that he should be old enough to know what goes into keeping a house clean.  But after he got the list, he was great.  And if he slacks off, I just whip out the list. 

Lately, I've been slacking too, so he's probably going to have to sit me down with the cleaning list soon.

LindseyS0504

Ugh, this sucks Danelle. One thing that has helped my DH is to talk to his friends who's wives have been pregnant. Does he have any of those friends? Maybe you could plead with one of them to fill him in on what is happening. Also, I got this brochure in the materials that the doctor gave me - it was on being an expectant father. One day, when we were joking around with each other (read: he was in a good mood), I decided to read him some excerpts from it, because I know he won't read it. They were things like, "think of some nice things that you could do for your wife" "help with the chores around the house, especially during those first 3 months, because she will be so exhausted and sick" etc. I had his attention because I wasn't nagging or complaining to him, and I think it really worked. He's been super sweet ever since. Yesterday, I told him I could barely keep my eyes open, and he said well - go lie down, you're trying to grow a baby, that's hard work.

moniquitta

I think that men really dont understand what it means to be pg.   They think it is just carryign the baby.  DH has been pretty understanding for the most part.... but there are times that he does loose.  I noticed though that if I try to give him some attention he does good (I think they feel threatened that they will loose our attention/love to the baby).

Sueball1

Oy. My DH has had many bouts of being an a-hole like this. They are just children, when it comes down to it!

I'd give him some time to cool down, and then calmly talk to him about how tough this time is for you and how it would be a huge help if he could try and be a bit more understanding. My DH got a few books and skimmed them (he's not the greatest reader) that helped him "get it" and are funny: Pregnancy Sucks for Men; The Guy's Guide to Surviving Pregnancy, Birth and the First Years (or something like that)....

Big hugs, sweets... trust me, I feel your pain. You can always vent to us!

Redlass13

That really stinks!!  I agree with PP about having a sister talk to him or read some things to him when he's in a good mood.  An old boyfriend of mine used to tell me to "suck it up" when I was sick and that to me is the most selfish thing a man can say.  It's all about him not wanting to deal with the changes going on in you and in the house.  If his stress at work is getting to him, that will make him even more unwilling to adjust.  So I would have a sincere talk with him and tell him that things aren't going to change now and they will get progressively different as the pregnancy goes on and after the baby arrives.  You deserve to be treated with kids gloves right now!!  An approach I've found that works with my husband is to say, "Let's talk about a solution here because what we've tried hasn't worked.  Tell me how I can help you in general."  That leads to a solution-oriented conversation usually and then you can find out what's REALLY going on and problem solve from there.

The other piece of this is that men don't adjust to pregnancy on a dime like we do.  It's a struggle for them at first.  But if you lay down the law now, you'll be doing yourself a favor sista!

nellieboo

Thanks for the suggestions ladies. He is feeling sorry for himself I'm sure, he's a big kid. He has a 12 yr old "surprise", but he wasn't with her mom and didn't get to see the super parts of pregnancy that we get to deal with. Most of his friends have kids by now (he's 34) so he should know what it's like from hearing them complain! Yeah, I pretty much think he needs to get over it, but that won't help me deal with him, ha.

Summerstarr2

I haven't been sick like you have, but have been completely dead tired. I pretty much get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, eat and then crash on the couch til dh wakes me and says its time for bed, lol.

I have been trying not to complain too much, but I have whined about being exhausted and DH thinks I am just making excuses to be lazy.

Not impressed. I told him that growing a baby is hard work for my body, but he tottally just laughed, like I was kidding!

These boys, if they ever knew what having crazy hormone levels could do to a person. Ugh.

Sorry you are having to deal with a crabby dh. I hope he starts to understand soon! 

Oooh, another tip, I like to tell my hubby horror stories from co-workers about the things their pg wives do, so that it makes me look really tame and him really lucky in comparison. Maybe try that?

SpartyGirl

Oh Danelle, I'm sorry your H is being such a terd!  Men just don't get it. 

You know, they make sea bands to make people w/ nausea feel better but they should make sea bands for people that don't understand constant nausea to 'understand'.  I think pg wives everywhere would buy them for their husbands!

I hope he gets out of his ridiculous grumpy mode soon!  I mean really, you could always make his life miserable too if you really wanted : )  Or at least, not so comfortable ; o ) 

PeacheeKeen

I'm sorry :-(  I could have written this exact thing around the same week as you.  It's tough.  Explaining it to them isn't easy when your hormones are out of whack and you're just feeling so horrible. 

I agree that maybe telling him some dramatic stories about other husbands and what THEY have to deal with.  Or some of those books sounded good too.

I'm sorry, I really do know what you're going through.  But you WILL feel better... around 8w-9w was the hardest part for me mentally.  It will get better, and we're all here for you!