for those getting married, or who have gotten married while pregnant...

little nudger

We will be getting married at 34 weeks. We were going to just go and do it, just us, but then family started getting upset. (its both of our second weddings) because of the baby, we can afford to do a dinner, or anything big. Our entire budget is $500 including clothes, rings, officiant, liscence etc. My mom suggested we go out for dinner after, and just have ppl pay for themselves. All of my siblings, and close friends that we would invite are ok with the idea. We have said we dont want anyone to buy gifts.

I posted something somewhere else about this, and I was told I am just rude to ask ppl to pay for anything at all. How is it rude when Ive talked to almost all the ppl, and they are all ok with it? Its that or we dont have anything. We simply just cannot afford it.

Having a baby is a stressful time (money wise) for some, and getting married adds to it, we want to get married, and I realize that its up to us what we choose to do (invite vs not invite) but making ppl upset that they cannot come is not us either.

 

Codi-Bailey

I'm already married but I don't see anything wrong with people buying their own dinner, especially if it's such a small ceremony. I wouldn't think twice if someone told us we had to buy our own dinner. It wouldn't bother me a bit and I certainly wouldn't think it was rude.

megank27

I don't think it's rude if people have said they are okay with it. Mine and DH's "official" wedding was very traditional, but 9 months prior we got legally married at the courthouse for various financial reasons. A few friends were at the courthouse with us, and after we went to dinner and everyone paid their own way. Sometimes you just can't afford it. People do not have to go to the dinner if they are not on board, but that does not mean they can't enjoy the ceremony.

little nudger

THANK YOU LADIES! I was SHOCKED at the responses I got about it. Telling me I am mersonary, and rude, and weddings are not a time to expect gifts etc. As you can all imagine, hormones, along with being bashed about my wedding, NOT A GOOD MIX!!

If it were up to me, and I had all the money in the world, I would do a lavish, big wedding again. But also, once you have had the BIG wedding, and spent $25000 then got divorced, it seems like a bit of a waste of money.

kodonnell_mcc

I would have no problem at all attending a dinner to celebrate a friend or family member's wedding and paying for myself. Especially since you do not expect gifts. I think it is a nice idea. If I was close with the couple, I would rather be there and pay for myself than miss the special event. You do what feels right for you and congrats!

ajwils_04

I just got married last week at 20 weeks and our budget was extremely tight.  It was both our first wedding and we were extremely blessed to have family and friends to help us along the way.  I will tell you that our original budget was $1000.00 and that was completely unreasonable for what we wanted.  Weddings are insanely expensive and even with everyone buying their own attire and going the bare minimum for everything, a semi-traditional ceremony ended up costing a small fortune.  We couldn't have done it without our wonderful friends and family.  

Our original idea was just a courthouse wedding and then a bonfire at our house.  We even kicked around the idea of a potluck style bbq, but that's because our friends and family are really laid back and all wanted to contribute something.  When it came down to it, my DH realized that I would always be a little sad that I didn't have a formal wedding so he nixed the courthouse idea and asked our family for help.  We had a very small (60 person) affair at a state park and it was perfect.

My point is, the people who know you the best are going to understand why everything is the way that it is.  If you're okay with having people pay their way, then go for it.  If they don't want to sponsor themselves, they won't be there and that's their loss for missing out on such a special moment.  If I got your invitation, I'd be there with bells on...and some cash  

Marettie

The way you can do it without "being rude" is make sure that these people aren't formally invited to the dinner. If you aren't sending out an invitation about dinner and it is more here-say, than you have not done anything out of improper etiquette. As long as these people know what they are getting into and more or less crashing dinner afterwards there is nothing wrong with that.

Try not to worry about others opinions because when it's all said and done your wedding won't be remembered by everyone else only you.