What helped you with your miscarriage?

magel050485

My best friend emailed me earlier today that she lost her first pregnancy on Sunday.  My heart is so broken for her because a) Ive been there, and b) I just announced my pregnancy. I obviously recommended thebump to her so she can vent to girls that all are going through but I wanted to get her something as well.  My MIL purchased an angel for us after our miscarriage and just left it on the front porch.  It means a lot to us so I wanted to do something similar for her.  Is there anything that someone did for you after your miscarriage that helped you grieve? 

shanna82

Honestly, it was the Loss board and TTCAL. I didn't really have anyone IRL that helped me like the boards did.  They tried, but they just didn't know what to say or do.

magel050485

shanna82:

Honestly, it was the Loss board and TTCAL. I didn't really have anyone IRL that helped me like the boards did.  They tried, but they just didn't know what to say or do.

I definitely recommended this to her.  It helped me so much to be able to b!tch about how every 16 year old is pregnant and doesnt deserve to be and I had lost mine.  In hindsight that seems harsh but its how I felt and I loved that no one made me feel guilty for saying that.  Plus, I found it easier to type than to talk to someone IRL and have to hear those words come out of my mouth.

ellebelle2384

I agree with PP that the boards helped me a lot.  Also my BFF got me a charm for my pandora bracelet that she put on hers too.  It was to show that we were unified in our struggles (me with the m/c and her with IF/tumor issues).  I also got a separate charm symbolizing our LO...everytime I touch it I feel comforted.  I hope things get better for your friend soon.

rock-elle

Ditto my buddy Shanna, the mc/pl board and good ttcal buddies helped me through the worst year of my life.  I truly don't know where I'd be with out them and I often wonder what it would have been like without that support.  Unless someone in IRL has truly travelled this road, they often ended up doing more harm than good.

magel050485

rock-elle:

Ditto my buddy Shanna, the mc/pl board and good ttcal buddies helped me through the worst year of my life.  I truly don't know where I'd be with out them and I often wonder what it would have been like without that support.  Unless someone in IRL has truly travelled this road, they often ended up doing more harm than good.

She has told no one but her mom and me.  Me only because I miscarried at the same point in my pregnancy.  I am hoping and praying that she comes on here for support.... I spent almost every hour of every day after my miscarriage.

StephK86

I know I didn't miscarry but my son died so I thought I could add in here. My BFF bought me a bracelet with his name on it. I wear it every day. Maybe you can buy her an angel bracelet? Every time I look down at my wrist I am reminded of him. She could be reminded of her angel baby too. I wrote down my thoughts in a journal as well. I didn't know about this board at the time and didn't blog yet for some reason. I was too over whelmed to even sign onto the internet though. Writing down your feelings and crying is really good for the soul. T&P's for your friend.

Zed58

shanna82:

Honestly, it was the Loss board and TTCAL. I didn't really have anyone IRL that helped me like the boards did.  They tried, but they just didn't know what to say or do.

Ditto!

As crappy and mean as this probably sounds, the only person I really felt like I could find any comfort in was dh's cousin.  She was due two days after I was...she learned of her missed miscarriage two weeks after I had learned of mine.  We were totally able to relate to one another and pretty much got each other through it cause we both had very little support elsewhere.  I recommended TB (mc/pl) to her right away...until her loss, it was all all I had...I'm not sure if she ever lurked or anything, but I'm quite sure I never saw a post/screen name that could have possibly been hers. 

JenWhite123

Honestly, my faith in God helped the most.  Secondly, I had a friend who had had 2 miscarriages prior to giving birth to her first baby.  She called me and said that she was there for me and talked with me about it. 

mommy411

Ditto the boards. I also felt better talking about it to people, when I was ready.

tiffanysbride

For me having a few people I could talk with was very important. They didn't over read into anything and let me talk about it when I wanted and needed. I did not come on the boards until I lost our son at 28 wks and the boards helped with his loss and the m/c that followed.

karma79

I was really lost until I found the TTCAL board. I wish I had gone on the loss board but I didn't even get on the bump again after the m/c until 5 months later. TTCAL saved me.

quezzo

After my first, the boards helped. After my second, nothing really helped, especially when people started asking me what was wrong with me. It was crushing. At the time I felt like I dealt with it better, but as my due date for my first approached I started becoming bitter and upset. I wasn't on the boards at that point because it became so hard for me to even come here. Looking back, I wish I would have stayed because no one IRL got it. 

damabo80

shanna82:

Honestly, it was the Loss board and TTCAL. I didn't really have anyone IRL that helped me like the boards did.  They tried, but they just didn't know what to say or do.

Ditto.

Also, a friend gave me a necklace with his name on it on a green ribbon charm (for NTDs). I loved it. This is a friend who has never been PG or suffered a loss. Funny that she was able to know what I needed when others didn't.

Also, I did see a counselor for about two months. That was helpful. A place for me to talk about him without feeling like I was bringing the other person down, or having them think, "dude, get over it already."

Junebug060609

Mostly the loss & TTCAL boards.  Knowing that I wasn't alone in the experience and how common it really is probably helped more than anything.  It also helped me to remember the people I know IRL that had m/c and had gone on to have healthy kids. 

ravenorchid

The boards definitely helped me a lot. I also was lucky to have a lot of support from my parents and from some our close friends. We were moving literally 3 days after and hadn't packed, so one friend packed up all my clothes for me and even helped DH with a lot of heavy moving. We also had friends send us food which was super helpful. And we really appreciated the sympathy cards we received. My thoughts and prayers go out to your friend.

Fallon621

Ditto to the PP's that said this site.  I do not know how things would have went if I did not have this site to come to, to talk about how I was feeling and the motions I was going through.

cmcmillan0510

My best friend got pregnant 3 weeks after my loss, so we were in a very similar boat as you and your BFF.  She bought me a "best friends" necklace that was angel wings, and bought herself one too so we have matching necklaces.  I have worn it everyday since...wearing that necklace is the most comforting thing, I can't even describe how it makes me feel.  Yes, it's a bit expensive...but worth every penny

https://www.dogeared.com/best-friends-reminder-necklace-with-sterling-silver-teeny-angel-wings

Also, two months later when I was struggling with not being able to get pregnant again, she bought me a journal & a memory box for me to put everything in that related to my first pregnancy. 

Karen1998

Ditto on the boards here.  Counseling helped me as well, as I couldn't get the words out IRL otherwise.  My counselor also encouraged me to journal.  I am not a journaler at all, but it really did help to write out the experience, step by step, and to include my feelings along the way.  I actually plan to add to the journal in the next few weeks as we hit important dates like Mother's Day and the one year anniversary of my loss.  I wrote the journal as essentially a very long letter to the baby I lost. 

My MIL actually lost three babies, so she's been very helpful.  Unfortunately, I couldn't actually talk to her about my loss until I was pregnant again.  I just couldn't do it.  I had to get to where I could talk about it with someone that truly got it and that took a while.  She was lovely and patient about it all and has been really, really helpful during this pregnancy.  

I'm so sorry for your friend.  

alexa08

Yet another vote for the m/c and loss board.

One of the things that helped the most, that I think you may be able to do for your friend quite easily - my SIL had 3 losses, and she texted me almost every day to see how I was doing.  I knew I could be honest and say anything I needed to say to her, and that was a big help.  "How are you today" - "I can't stop crying." - "sending you a hug."  And then I'd feel better.  Her husband also spent some time with mine and I know that helped him.

MH and I tried to get out of the house every day, even just for lunch, to try and find some normal.

Also, I took two weeks of sick time, so I could stay home and not have to pretend to be normal at work.  That was a very good call.

I'm so sorry for your friends loss!  You're a good friend to give her support during this time.

StaceyM06

Ditto the boards, especiallt TTCAL. The only people IRL (that I chose to share with) who actually were comforting were those who also had losses. Everyone else didn't know what to say or blew it off because my losses were "so early."