I am so mad at myself
So this evening we headed over to my IL's house for Easter dinner. (We did it late because my SIL travels for work & was supposed to be home today, but she didn't end up being able to be there today anyways.)
We got in the door & immediately, before I even got my shoes off, DS pukes in the foyer. I felt awful because he was asking me to pick him up & I kept saying "No, go see if Auntie will pick you up." So we start cleaning it up & I say, "I think we should go home" to DH. My MIL yells from the kitchen, "No, it's fine." I shoot DH a look like, "WTF? Our kid just threw up, let's get out of here." But he & MIL agree to see how he feels before we decide to just leave. & I go along because MIL turns into a bully when she wants me to do something that I don't want to do & I hate having to deal with that. Well, big mistake today...
He had some turkey, carrots & corn for dinner & then threw up again. I was livid. It definitely didn't help that MIL picked him right up & took him into the laundry room where I couldn't get to him to start comforting him, wiping him off & getting his clothes off. I leaned in to ask MIL if she had a mop & bucket & she looked at me & said, "I've cleaned up lots of puke in my life, calm down." I was pretty calm.
Of course we left at that point. I am so mad at myself for not insisting that we leave. I have been in tears since he went to bed. I need to muster the guts to stick up to MIL because she obviously doesn't care what's best for DS. I made a really bad mommy decision today & I don't think I will ever get over this.
Re: I am so mad at myself
BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow!
I think she meant that prior to him throwing up she told him to go find his aunt, meaning, she didn't realize the reason he wanted her to hold him was because he didn't feel good.
But, I agree that MIL was probably just trying to help you out by cleaning DS up. Plus, just because a kid throws up once doesn't necessarily mean that they are super sick, which was probably what your MIL was thinking. I teach kindergarten and have seen kids throw up and go right back to playing like nothing happened.
I'm sorry that your son is sick and hope that he recovers soon.
However, can I point out the difference between the 2 bolded statements? The first time, he's asking to be picked up and you're refusing. Yes, you're being polite and trying to clean it up, but then you're upset when your MIL takes him when hours before you were refusing to pick him up when the same thing happened.
I don't think it's terrible to have stuck it out to see how he was feeling. And, honestly, there are FAR worse things that are going to happen in the future. If you can't get over this, then I really hope you seek some help. However, if it's just a figure of speech, then I get it.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
It doesn't sound to me that she doesn't care about what's best for your DS. It sounded more like she didn't want you to be upset about the puke. You see, I would not have felt the need to leave after just one throw up incident (toddlers can puke for no reason, esp. after a car ride). I may have suggested leaving to DH b/c that's what people would expect me to do b/c who wants to be around a potentially sick baby? Maybe she thought that's what you were doing and wanted to reassure you that it would be fine to stay.
Also, I know that when my LO is sick, I want to comfort him, but so do g-mas. I prob would let that go. When you asked for the bucket, her response may have been more of a "Don't worry about it now. I've cleaned up lots of puke, so it's no big deal to me to clean it up later."
Now, you know her and I don't, so my opinions are just what I got from your post. Don't be mad at yourself. You did nothing wrong. It's over and done and definitely not worth shedding tears over. I hope your babe feels better!!
Go Phils!!
you didn't do anything wrong, don't beat yourself up. Your MIL sounds just like mine, so I really know how you feel, hugs
It is so frustrating feeling like you are not in control of what to do with your own child.
I agree with PP that you're being a little overdramatic. Your "I don't think I will ever get over this" statement is hopefully an extreme exaggeration.
Your MIL was probably very excited to have you all over and didn't want you to leave. Your kid puked in her house. Twice. She helped clean up the kid and the puke. While I like to do everything for my DD, too, I know that her Gma's like to be involved, even if it's cleaning up a pukey kid. So let the poor lady help out!
The only way I could see the situation differently is if MIL routinely acts as if she knows better and undermines all of your actions as a parent. KWIM? If this is a cycle of behavior of her not trusting you with your LO then it's a different story. Otherwise I think you're just kind of blowing it out of proportion because of how upsetting it is to have a sick kid while you're out of the house. Calm down. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful and I think you should appreciate that rather than anything else.
ditto as well.
And being at home wouldn't have made a difference. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have even thought to leave.
Thanks everyone, for your responses.
The reason I thought to leave right away was because he had puked & obviously wasn't feeling well. Yes, he went right back to playing & seemed fine, but that obviously was not the case when he puked the second time.
I can see how my OP was a little misleading when I was telling him to go see if his aunt would pick him up. I said that before he had thrown up. What happened was, we walked into the house & were greeted by my MIL. DS stood at my feet with his arms up making that uh, uh noise wanting to be picked up. That's when DH's sister appeared in the foyer & I suggested that he go see if she wanted to pick him up. & then he puked.
MIL didn't actually clean up any of the puke. DH & I cleaned it all up with a little help from FIL (who kept dry heaving so we told him to just stop helping). MIL literally took him into the laundry room to cuddle him. That is why I was a little annoyed by her comment when I asked for her mop & bucket. Yes, I agree that she wanted to comfort him, which wasn't a problem until she made that comment to me. DH & I had been cleaning it up since he puked & she was just standing there. Not that I would expect her to clean it up, but you know, telling me where the mop & bucket was would've been more helpful than telling me to calm down. I guess being told to calm down by her is a bit of a trigger because she does it all the time. DS almost fell down the stairs at her house & I gasped as I saw it happening & she told me to calm down. Sorry, but the sight of my son almost falling down the stairs isn't calming to me.
The reason I wanted to leave is because I know that if I am sick I would rather be at home where I can lie on the couch or in my bed, or watching tv. We were not going to be able to do any of that there. We were there for dinner & if I had said to MIL that DS wanted to cuddle on the couch & just watch some tv she would've said no. If we had gone home, I would not have fed DS right away like I did at MIL's house & yes he probably would've still puked but at least he would've been more comfortable at home, you know?
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
Your MIL cleaned up his puke?! Oh the horror!!
Cleaning up vomit is gross, I would appreciate it if someone else did it. Do you have issues with your MIL in general? It sounds like you didnt want to be there.
No, as I said above, my DH & I cleaned it up. I wouldn't expect her to clean up my kid's puke.
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
He's 18 months. I don't think he has the same desires as an adult. I get why you feel that way, but I think you are projecting your own feelings on to how you think DS should have felt.
Puking isn't the end of the world. If he was happy and playing in between, I don't think you should stress about it. He was o bviously fine. If he wasn't, he probably would have been super clingy.
He wasn't obviously fine. If he was obviously fine, he wouldn't have puked a second time.
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
lord almighty. You need to relax. Kids puke. He obviously FELT fine if he was happy and playing.
DD has horrible horrible exzema. Its all over her face all the time. It looks painful. So by your definition she is NEVER fine, even if she is acting happy (which is most of the time)
My point is: why are you pushing him needing to be home to be comfy and feel better if he seems to have felt fine (since he was playing) even though his tummy was upset?
Irish is right on the money. When Nathan was almost 2 he puked literally as we were walking out the door to go Trick-or-Treating. (I was lucky enough to catch it in a bucket so he didn't get any on his costume, lol) By your standards, we shouldn't have gone Trick-or-Treating.
We let him play for a few minutes and he was acting fine. So we went Trick-or-Treating. He was fine. We didn't let him eat any candy, though. He threw up the next morning, too. That was the end of it.
Sometimes throwing up isn't the end of the world. I threw up last night. I expected to be extremely sick this morning but I'm not. I'm perfectly fine.
I think that you just didn't want to be at your MILs house and you were using DS as an excuse to leave. That's ridiculous. She might drive you crazy but that's your DH's mom and your DS's grandmother. Get over it.
no, you said that she took him in the laundry room to wipe him off and get his clothing off. my kids just recently had a stomach bug and getting puked covered clothing off was perhaps the worst.
we still did our normal stuff, btw, because they never had a fever. this means they went over to my moms house while i worked...and they were just fine over there. even had you taken him home, he still would have puked - that is what we are saying. your MIL didnt make him sick so you dont really have reason to be mad at her.
i am curious, if it was your mom, would you be mad?
If the situation were the same, but it happened at my mom's house then yes, I would still be mad.
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
This is the impression I am getting from the OP. She did not want to be there and wanted an excuse to leave.
lol Yep, you got it! I sneakily crafted an evil plan to make my son puke so that I wouldn't have to go to MIL's house. You guys must be detectives or something, how did you figure it out?
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
I didn't say that you made him puke. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who got the impression that you don't like your MIL and didn't want to be there last night whether or not he was sick. The fact that you "couldn't" leave when he threw up is just your way of disguising that.
I understand how it feels to feel as if you've made some horrible mothering decision. In this situation, you didn't make a bad decision. It does sound like you have some previous issues with your MIL, which can make all future interactions with your MIL more stressful. Believe me, I understand this 100%! My MIL and I have had many issues since DD was born and I tend to be much more sensitive and easily annoyed when dealing with my MIL vs. when dealing with my own mother.
In this situation, your MIL should've allowed you to take your son and cuddle/clean him up, but it's totally possible that she just sprang into action without really thinking. She picked up the puke covered child, took him into the laundry room (an area where, I'm assuming, it'd be much easier to do all clean up) and in the process of cleaning him up, also comforted.
Now, the whole "calm down" comment. Judging from this post, I'd say that you may have a tendency to freak out over a minor situation. I do this as well and, 9 times out of 10, people hear a panic in my voice, that I may or may not be truly feeling. The "calm down" comment would've pissed me off, especially coming from my MIL.
There's no reason to get so upset over this situation. Your son is just fine and won't remember any of this situation. I know it can be scary when your child throws up (especially if this was his first time throwing up), but everyone there has seen a child throw up and everyone understands that kids throw up. Let the situation go, forgive yourself, attempt to forgive your MIL and, hopefully, things will go a bit smoother next time.
Now I am curious if the OP doesn't in fact like her MIL though - because it certainly seems like she doesn't.
I see both sides of the story as I think we have MILs that are alike. Out of curtoesy for the other guests, I would have also suggested we'd leave. If they had insisted, we stayed. I wouldn't have second thought. I probably would have had him eat light and watched him after dinner. I want to say its no biggie that she took him to get cleaned up but I effin' hate it when my MIL takes my children without asking even if it is within a confined space.
I know the feeling of having a MIL situation play over and over in you head. I am so mad at myself for something that happened with mine yesterday with DS1. I will be the first to tell you I am very annoyed by MIL and I think its influences how I perceive her actions. Here is my story:
We went swimming with MIL/FIL yesterday at a community pool. MIl made up the rule that my children couldn't jump into the pool and when I got there DS1 felt free to jump in (its not my rule they can't jump, we always let them jump!!). I mentioned that we usually let them jump and she should remember this from when we swimming before. DS1 jumped in again. I felt stupid following a rule that we don't follow but I didn't want to show them up. (MH would have). I was miffed when they tried to disicipline DS1 for jumping in--he was sent to TO. He didn't listen and it ended with MIL pulling on DS1. I pulled him aside and we had a talk that consisted of "we are not jumping in the pool today, next time we go to the pool...we will jump in, just not today.... " He stopped jumping but FFS don't give MY son a TO (period) and certainly not for something he is usually allowed to do!
I think its best that we just let things like this go and learn from our mistakes. Next time, I swear I am speaking up for my child better. But then again, with a private talk, I showed her that she doesn't need to be direct & mean. I just have a hard time standing up to MIL. Luckily, mine lives no where near me. But every time she visits I have a story like this and I think its her way to control me & my children. So another part of me feels you should stand you ground. Maybe there is a happy medium. I haven't found it yet.
Agreed. Your main problem with MIL is your husband.
I don't think people are high and mighty about her not likeing her MIL. I think they are saying that she is reading too far into the actions BECAUSE she doesn't like her....and she reacted the way she did because she doesn't like her.
I agree. What's with the territorial thing women do with their MILs? He's the woman's grandchild, for goodness sake. She wanted to help him and OP out. I'm sure when the tables are turned in the future and it's ds' wife getting panties in a bunch about OP simply helping her grandchild,she's understand.
And, to be honest, kids puke. I wouldn't have necessarily run home at the first puke. And I can't see my family doing it with their kids either, esp. if they weren't obviously sick. So, I'm assuming that's what MIL was thinking.
I don't dislike my MIL. I do find her difficult to get along with, especially when we have completely different views on just about everything, including how we parent our children. There have been tons of times before when we've stayed the entire time. Arrived before dinner, helped to prepare it, ate with the fam, visited, had dessert & everything. It has been late & he is losing his shiit because he is so tired & I've said, "Well, it's been nice visiting, thanks so much for dinner - it was delicious - I think we should be getting DS home now." & she has responded "No, he's fine" when he is non-stop whining, rubbing his eyes & yawning.
The reason I said that she doesn't care about DS (I don't think she doesn't care about him, I just can't remember my original wording) is because she has made comments in the past that make it clear that she didn't care about her kids' needs when they were DS's age.
For instance, the Christmas after DS was born I decided to host because I didn't want to drag a newborn to two different houses. MIL hosts a party on Christmas Eve every year, but it started at 8 & at that time DS was going to bed at 6, so we told her we couldn't come, not only because DS would already have gone down for the night, but also because he was still waking up every 2-3 hours every night & I had to get up the next morning to get Christmas dinner ready. So the morning of Christmas Eve DH is speaking to MIL on the phone & she tells us to stop using DS as an excuse & that all we have to do is put him in the carseat, he would fall asleep & then we could take him where we wanted to go. Sorry, but DS wasn't the kind of baby who would sleep all the time like that...
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
I think she'd have gotten a completely different response if she had started out with, "I don't get along with my MIL, and so it's hard for me to want to stay when it's a less than ideal situation. Like _____" Instead it sounds like she's a helicopter mom, or making excuses. That's my take.
Independent of what the case may be, I agree with hot sauce, pir, mcc, etc, about puking.
I would use it as an excuse in a second, but if the kid seemed fine and happy, I wouldn't have worried about it.
ETA: this was supposed to quote jamie. Darn you bump!
So let me get this straight.
You were so concerned about DS not feeling well after puking the first time that you wanted to leave. But it was decided that's not necessary, so you fed him TURKEY, CARROTS and CORN?
And you're wondering why he puked a second time? Really?
Kids puke. In the future, I'd stick with the BRAT diet after it happens, though, before jumping back to turkey and whatnot.