Feeling self conscious since loss...

smsakai

Hi girls,

Since my loss in Feb, I have been feeling extremely self conscious about everything.  It isn't just feelings about my fertility health, it is in everything.  It is like this "not good enough" cloud has completely shrouded me since.  I just can't seem to get on track with my social life, clothes, exercise, ect.  I hate people taking pictures, and I'm just not very smilely in situations that I used to be.  This has never really happened to me before, but neither has a miscarriage.

 I spoke with my doc about potential situational depression, but he seems to think that besides talking about it that there really isn't anything that I should do.  Meds of any sort are off the table to try since he knows that we are TTC.  Does it filter for everyone like this?  Will time make this go you think?  I just feel like it has been so long and it is still eating me completely.

mundayem

I had a really hard time after both of my losses. I actually did go to therapy and it really helped me. I hope you do find a way but don't think that there is any certain time frame in which you should feel better. Everyone processes a loss differently. If it's available to you I would look into therapy as it really helped me deal with my grief. So sorry for your loss.

smsakai

I'm planning on looking into it, as it is my only option right now. It feels wrong to try to get past something like this right?  My pregnancy was a baby to me, and it certainly deserves the thought. Thanks for the advice.

Laurakat81

I felt and still feel similar at times but especially after my losses. I was too stubborn to do much about it after our first loss but immediately after our second while still sitting in the ultrasound room I blurted out, "I'm gonna need a therapist.". I started seeing someone and got on an antidepressant. I knew I wouldn't make it through a second loss without some help. Even with all of that it still amazes me that I made it through those first few months. TTC or not if you continue to feel like this or if it gets worse don't be afraid to be put on an anti-depressant and/or talk to someone. ((Hugs)))

 

mundayem

I don't know if I would even say I got past it. It just was something I had to accept as part of my life and move on and not let it become what defined me. It is part of my life but not who I am if that makes sense. And I didn't want to be angry and bitter all the time so I had to find a way to accept it and move forward. But it took me a long time to get there.

smsakai

Thanks, did your doctor seem to think the antidepressant would cause any issue with TTC or if you got pregnant.  I think the doc I currently see thinks that they may cause issue, so he is resistant.  I know it is probably personal, but what type are you on?  You can send me a personal message, if you'd rather, and I would never be offended if you didn't anyhow.  I know it is very private info. 

jkfranklin

I felt like that in the beginning, but I started spending A LOT of time on MC/PL and this board and it was so incredibly helpful to me.  I don't think I would ever be able to ask for help and go to a theripist or support group IRL.  TB took the place of that and I credit the ladies here for getting me through the worst part of my life.

LDW80

smsakai:

Thanks, did your doctor seem to think the antidepressant would cause any issue with TTC or if you got pregnant.  I think the doc I currently see thinks that they may cause issue, so he is resistant.  I know it is probably personal, but what type are you on?  You can send me a personal message, if you'd rather, and I would never be offended if you didn't anyhow.  I know it is very private info. 

First off I want to say I am sorry for your loss.  I went/am going through the same things you are.  I had my loss in late December.  I cried ALL.THE.TIME and I am not much of a crier.  I sat around all the time and quit exercising and I was an advit exerciser.  (I am just starting to get back into it again and that has helped).  I finally sought a therapist, which kind of helped, but what really helped me was I went on prozac.  I went on a very low dose.  My dr. and OB both said it is safe to take when TTC and during pregnancy (but not reccomended in third trimester.  I don't plan on taking it when pregnant).  They both also told me that I didn't need to be weaned off that brand.  Infact I just went off it cold turkey a few weeks ago and had no side effects.  I still get sad from time to time and have thought about going back on it.  If you have any further questions you can ask or PM me. 

buckeyebaby814

First, I am so sorry for your loss and sorry you're feeling this way, you're not the only one.  I still feel this way sometimes.  It's getting better for me and I hope it gets better for you soon too!  For me, I try my best to work out and eat healthy- those are things I can somewhat control, which has seemed to make me feel better.  I didn't get back into this routine again until about a month ago (my loss was in December) so it did take a while.  I hope you find support here, this board has many wonderful, supportive women.

ellebelle2384

I wanted to let you know you're not alone.  I definitely have moments of "I'm not good enough" or "I'm a failure" but as I am healing they are slowly becoming fewer and farther in between.  I agree with PP that this board has helped me a lot.  Just knowing that there are others out there that feel similarly to me and knowing that it's normal to feel this way has helped tremendously. *hugs*

smsakai

LDW80:

smsakai:

Thanks, did your doctor seem to think the antidepressant would cause any issue with TTC or if you got pregnant.  I think the doc I currently see thinks that they may cause issue, so he is resistant.  I know it is probably personal, but what type are you on?  You can send me a personal message, if you'd rather, and I would never be offended if you didn't anyhow.  I know it is very private info. 

First off I want to say I am sorry for your loss.  I went/am going through the same things you are.  I had my loss in late December.  I cried ALL.THE.TIME and I am not much of a crier.  I sat around all the time and quit exercising and I was an advit exerciser.  (I am just starting to get back into it again and that has helped).  I finally sought a therapist, which kind of helped, but what really helped me was I went on prozac.  I went on a very low dose.  My dr. and OB both said it is safe to take when TTC and during pregnancy (but not reccomended in third trimester.  I don't plan on taking it when pregnant).  They both also told me that I didn't need to be weaned off that brand.  Infact I just went off it cold turkey a few weeks ago and had no side effects.  I still get sad from time to time and have thought about going back on it.  If you have any further questions you can ask or PM me. 

Thanks for this!  I will definitely look into and start doing more research about effects.  These feeling really stink!   

williams4me

smsakai:

Hi girls,

Since my loss in Feb, I have been feeling extremely self conscious about everything.  It isn't just feelings about my fertility health, it is in everything.  It is like this "not good enough" cloud has completely shrouded me since.  I just can't seem to get on track with my social life, clothes, exercise, ect.  I hate people taking pictures, and I'm just not very smilely in situations that I used to be.  This has never really happened to me before, but neither has a miscarriage.

 I spoke with my doc about potential situational depression, but he seems to think that besides talking about it that there really isn't anything that I should do.  Meds of any sort are off the table to try since he knows that we are TTC.  Does it filter for everyone like this?  Will time make this go you think?  I just feel like it has been so long and it is still eating me completely.

I went through these same exact feelings, i'm sorry that you are going through this.  I eventually was able to shove myself back out the door and get back on track with my running.  I know it is the one thing that can make me feel better and give me time to think about nothing and process everything all at the same time.  I hope you start feeling better soon.  Big (((hugs))).

smsakai

I used to run really well too.  Actually, when I first found out that I was pregnant, I kept at it.  After the loss, I beat myself up about that also.  I need to find it again, because I know that those thoughts are foolish...Really you can't help but think about every single move you made. UGH!  You give me hope, so thanks.  Running sounds good now, if only I can force this nasty Chicago weather to cooperate!!  It has rained every day for more than a week, and a lot that does for this situation!