Deal Breaker? (clicky)

manda42

When you were dating, if your SO said they never wanted to have kids, would that have been a deal breaker?

[Poll]

blindvictory

I voted for "broke up with someone because of this", but that's only PART of why I broke up with him. (He was a total d-bag, as well.) I always wanted a large family, and he actually had the gall to tell me once that pregnant women disgust him and he thinks they're the nastiest thing he's ever seen. And that yes, he would feel that way about me, even if I was carrying his child. Somehow, it just didn't rub me the right way.

vpine

Once I stopped drinking and partying (around age 26) and wanted to settle down, I knew I wanted marriage and children and wouldn't have given someone who didn't want the same things I wanted a chance.

adriennen27

kdodge423:

SS- I had been on the fence for a while about the kid thing. Had I found someone I wanted to be with that didn't want kids, it probably wouldn't have been a deal breaker at one point. Whether I would have changed my mind down the road is hard to tell.

When DH and I met, we were both on the fence. Fortunately we both ended up on the same side.

 

This exactly! I put that it wouldn't have been a deal breaker, because when I was single that's definitely where my head was at - I could go either way. But DH was definitely on the side of having kids eventually, and I was totally ok with that, and quite excited now that we're ready for it

BitsKD13

When DH and I started fooling around - friends w/ benefits kind of thing- I told him flat out I wanted to get married and have a kid (or two).  I also told him that if that wasn't what he wanted that was fine.  We could have some fun but at some point I would end it to find someone to settle down with. 

Lucky for me he changed his mind about marriage and kids! Apparently he hadn't dated any one as "normal" as I was so didn't want to marry them.

 

shortstuff15

It totally would have been a deal breaker for me as from the time I can remember, I have wanted 6 kids.  Luckily for me I didn't actually date that much and my husband was actually my first serious relationship, so it was the only time I had to worry about that in a relationship!  When we brought up kids, he mentioned that he wanted 4 and I couldn't have been happier!  So now we are going for 4 or 6 kids, whatever we feel comfortable with.

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MamaWino

My high school boyfriend always said he didn't want kids and even though I knew I definitely did it wasn't a deal breaker at the time because we were so young.  If the relationship had progressed (i.e. he didn't turn into a d-bag) it probably would've become an issue.  Luckily DH started talking about kids from pretty much day 1 so it was never an issue.

trebmal

blindvictory:

I voted for "broke up with someone because of this", but that's only PART of why I broke up with him. (He was a total d-bag, as well.) I always wanted a large family, and he actually had the gall to tell me once that pregnant women disgust him and he thinks they're the nastiest thing he's ever seen. And that yes, he would feel that way about me, even if I was carrying his child. Somehow, it just didn't rub me the right way.

WOW sounds like it...

trebmal

vpine:

Once I stopped drinking and partying (around age 26) and wanted to settle down, I knew I wanted marriage and children and wouldn't have given someone who didn't want the same things I wanted a chance.

This.

trebmal

MrsMooney:

It was only after I was with MH for a while, that I decided I even wanted kids. I don't just want to have kids, I want to have kids WITH HIM. There is no one else that I would want to be the father of my children or that I would even want to have kids with.

If I was dating someone before him and they said that they didn't want kids, it wouldn't have been a deal breaker, because I wasn't convinced myself that I wanted any.

THIS

trebmal

I have gone back and forth a lot as well  but as soon as I met FH I knew I did, with him. I have never dated anyone else that I was actually ok with the idea of being connected to him for the rest of my life.

One thing FH says he's liked about me from day 1 was that I didn't have kids.  Not in a hypocritical way seeings as he has one from his first marriage, but  that I apparently wasn't the kind of girl to sleep around and randomly get KU but also that I was 30 and had waited until I knew I was with the right person to have kids with. 

Milliways

I actually didn't want children when DH and I met and was very upfront about it when we got serious. He was ok with it, but something happened and we both decided that we wanted a family.

Shaq1009

There have been a lot of things I have not been sure about - but one thing I have always known is that I wanted kids If SO didn't want kids - definite deal breaker! 

clarisa_b

MrsMooney:

It was only after I was with MH for a while, that I decided I even wanted kids. I don't just want to have kids, I want to have kids WITH HIM. There is no one else that I would want to be the father of my children or that I would even want to have kids with.

If I was dating someone before him and they said that they didn't want kids, it wouldn't have been a deal breaker, because I wasn't convinced myself that I wanted any.

This exactly!  

ecleptic

We got engaged (Long story but I asked him) and later that night he told me that he never wanted children. Not just "probably not" but never ever. And he knew that I did (we'd talked about it generally before) so he thought he should give me the chance to break off the engagement before we told our families. He was 22 at the time and changed his mind years later, but I made that decision once and I will keep making it.

I will be incredibly sad if we cannot have children. Having children is one of my dreams and has been one of my dreams for a very long time... but in those dreams they are DH's children. If I can't have kids (or raise kids, if we adopt) with him, then I won't have kids at all. And that would be sad, but I'd rather be childless with him than have kids with anyone else.

michaela080

SS = We were both maybe's when we met, but then we decided we wanted kids.

tigerhearted

It was actually the opposite with us!  I was the one who wasn't sure if I ever wanted kids, and hubby was fine going either way.  Neither of us caught the baby bug until after we were engaged.