Am I the only one who is not feeling horrible?

michaela080

Ok, so I was so happy to get pregnant. We had been trying for 8 months. And I was devastated when I found out it was ectopic. But, I cried a few times for about 2 days, missed a day and a half of work (the half was dealing with the medical stuff) and now I feel pretty much ok. Yes, I wish things would have been different, but they are not, so I have accepted it and I am moving on. I don't cry about it, I don't avoid my pregnant friends, I am still hosting my friend's baby shower and I am happy to do it. It's just not my time yet and I am ok with that. Does that make me a bad or cold person? My friends keep asking me how I'm doing, and I keep having to say I'm fine, but I feel like I am supposed to say something different.

mommymoore2011

It's not that you're cold at all! Sometimes certian things hit certain people certain ways. This loss almost killed me emotionally, but I've had losses (of loved ones) that didn't hurt this bad. 

I am really happy that you're moving forward, it's really good to hear! I hope things keeping moving up and forward for you. 

zingylime

I think whatever you feel is right for you...Your bravery inspires me.

Allie-Jo

*****Warning: pg mentioned******

It's so weird the stuff I can and can not handle.  I cried for days when I found out my sister was pg again while we were TTC.  Now my nephew is for months old and after our pg ended in a loss, I have spent a lot more time around him .  I don't mind people asking me how I am doing anymore.  A friend of my mom's who "didn't get the memo" asked me yesterday if I was having morning sickness yet, and I had to explain to her that I wasn't pg anymore.

Sometimes talking about it makes me cry, but I tell people its fine, I'm obviously going to get sad sometimes, but DH is so amazing, and I can still get pregnant some day, I truly am blessed.  I am just dealing with something that is really hard right now but it will only make me stronger.

NewzieMom

I feel the same way. I had a blighted ovum and everyone keeps telling me they are sorry for my loss and I keep trying to explain there is nothing to be sorry for. From my understanding there never really was a baby and just these things happen. I keep asking DH if I'm a bad person for not be devastated by the loss of our idea.

AgWife83

Everyone just handles things so differently. Sometimes I feel guilty for not feeling horrible all the time. The first week post m/c my hormones were completely controlling me, and I was a disaster. Cranky, sad, fine, angry, weepy, fine, weepy, angry. Once the hormones leveled out, I've been OK. Dare I say, I've even had fun and been relaxed at times.

I don't avoid my pregnant friends. Seeing the ones that are due around when I would have been makes me feel like "Wow, that would have been me right now..." but it doesn't make me feel bad really. I think it's all in the context. If one of those friends was constantly droning on about her pregnancy, sending me updates round the clock about it, etc - that would probably bother me, but just seeing them and interacting isn't so bad. I know that I'll always think "that would have been me" "my baby would have been this old now" "my child would have been starting school this year too..."

DairyPrincess1

You are not alone.  I have feeling horrible moments, but they are usually when I'm over tired or like now after my D & c because it truly is over.  But Easter weekend I hung out with my 4 nieces and nephews on one side and my pregnant sister in law who is due in a month and had a great time.  We played, talked about her pregnancy and how she feeling and I asked to feel the baby kick.  Then at my inlaws I held my week old twin niece and nephew and fed them and it was so wonderful.  I have a baby shower for a friend coming up and it hasn't occured to me to be sad about it as it doesn't have anything to do with me.  I had some bad luck, like many of us, and I can't put jealousy on the others just because they were fortunate.  I love my friends and family and I adore my neices and nephews and am so excited for the newest one in a month...sometimes I think it gives me strength, something to look forward to.  You are amazing and deal in your own way.  I'm sure I'll have some more tears here or there and realize I have trouble talking about it so not fully healed, but realize that there is a plan for me....for us all...and soemthing wonderful will happn.  Take care!

somnybooks

The first week or so was horrible for me.  Once the bleeding stopped and I went back to work, it got better.  After I put all the items I wanted to save (flowers, u/s pic, positive tests) into a box, I felt I was able to move on a little more.  I still have sad moments, sometimes when I read PG statuses on FB from friends whose EDD are close to what mine was, I feel a little stab.  For the most part though, I think I am doing pretty good.  I will always wonder about what might have been, but most of what I am feeling now is fear of the future.  I worry about being able to get PG again and whether I will have more m/c's.  

Amberlina74

I completely agree with your post. I was happy to be pregnant, but I was not over the top, maybe because my m/s was 24/7 and I was miserable. When I got the bad news at my first appointment and the D&C was scheduled that made it more real for me. I cried multiple times over the next few days. I had my D&C on Wednesday and was back at work the follwoing Monday. I guess that going back to my normal schedule was really nice. After I stopped bleeding I started to feel much better. I think it made me feel like I was moving forward closer to my next BFP. I have had multipe friends and co-workers ask me how I am doing my response is the same "fine".  I thought I was a "cold" person for feeling the way I did. Thank you for your post, I makes me feel so much better.

wendiebird

I am still dealing with all of the emotional "stuff" regarding the loss of my baby (EP right tube at 7w4d- 4/29/11)... But honestly, the hardest thing has been recovering from my laparotomy. For me, it feels like I had a c-section with no baby to show for it. That makes me sad and it makes it harder to move on...

TnG05

I've been asking myself and my husband the same thing. He keeps telling me the way I feel is how I'm suppose to feel (which I understand even though I roll my eyes when he says it). I'm focusing on the future and the next time and doing things to prepare myself for it...like all the things I wish were taken care of the first time.  

Smurphette

I am similar in that now, three weeks later, I'm okay. It stings a little when I find out people are pregnant with their child as this was our third, but with exception of one person, I have no problem hearing about pregnancies or being around babies. Yesterday I found a job opening that is PERFECT for me but I wouldn't have applied if I was still pregnant. I couldn't help but think, "God closed the door but opened this window. Maybe this was his plan all along." I know for some people that's nit a comforting thought but it did bring me comfort.

RaeJ004

I have good days and not so good days.  I find that when I am super stressed out and/or tired my emotions get the best of me.  The other night I was at some friend's house and her husband offered everyone a beer but me.  I made a joke about it (my first attempt at trying to lighten the mood when I know it's on everyone's mind).  He felt terrible but I think it helped because now everyone knows they don't have to walk on egg shells around me!

LexiSophie55

I'm in the same boat as you.  I am a believer of, "Things happen for a reason".  I know that tons of people on the board don't like that phrase, but I do believe it.  I cried once after I found out.  I didn't cry while I was having a 3 hour episode (I did throw up though-it hurt) of contractions and passing clots.  I haven't cried since, I've just been dealing with it and moving on.  I bled for 25 days, never missed a day of work, and only 1 person knows that I had a miscarriage.  Don't feel bad about not feeling horrible.  But I agree, when people say they hated when people told them, "Things happen for a reason"  I don't understand that, because personally, I believe it.  Everyone is different.  But, if I had people walking up to me and consoling me, I would be a mess, I don't do well with that type of stuff.  I hosted a baby shower last night, and it didn't bother me at all.

AngnShaun

Everyone deals with it in their own way... im a lot like you in how i deal with it...