March 2011 Moms
etiquette... NBR
A friend of mine is getting married tomorrow and I am not going to the wedding. I was invited, but knew I'd have a new baby and declined the invite. She is a work friend- she sits in the "cube" next to me so we're pretty close (we talk all day, do lunch together sometimes, etc.) but we do not hang out outside of work.
If not fot the baby, I'd be going. I will be sending a gift, but am not sure what to send. Hubby says since we're not going (and don't need to "cover our plates") we don't need to send the same size gift as if we were going. WDYT?
Normally i'd give a check for $200 from H and I.
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Re: etiquette... NBR
This
You can send whatever you want. She doesn't KNOW that you normally spend a certain amount so you're not obligated to give her that much. If you want to, do it.
me too!
well, it's a pretty expensive venue in CT- so I would be sure to cover our dinners. Hubby said a $50 giftcard to the place they registered is sufficient, but I feel like that's cheap... no? I think $200 is too much since we're not going and we're not like BFFs. Maybe $100 check? idk. wdyt
I've been to quite a few weddings and I still only give a gift based on how close I am to the person, not how much my meal cost. I'm not saying I'm right, but I would give my closest friends $50-$100 but most people I stay around $25-$35 regardless of the venue or if I go or not. I had a fairly expensive venue and so did my sister, but we didn't receive nicer gifts because of it. That's just me though.
This sounds like a good idea.
Wow, my husband and I give $200 if we attend a wedding. I'd never give less than that, because I feel that it's cheap of someone not to. We got a few $50 checks and inexpensive gifts at our wedding, and I thought it was sort of tacky. My parents paid for the wedding and it was over $100 per plate. Most guests there drank wayyyy past $100 with the open bar. I just feel like people are there to celebrate and share in the wedding joy, and that they should cover their cost of being there. I had a bunch of people not show up even though they RSVP'd yes, and I was SUPER pissed that my parents paid thousands of dollars for people that never showed. Rude, if you ask me!!! I haven't even talked to a few of these people since, because I think that's just downright wrong. Especially the "just married" couple that didn't show up...
Anyways, my point is, you might want to change your gift giving norms to at least cover your plate (and a date's plate if you bring one). Anything less is tacky.
On another note, to the original poster: if we do not attend an event, we do not send a gift. I might send a nice card with a thoughtful, personal message inside, but if I was not there I would not give anything.
Wow. Are you serious? $200 LOT of money. What if someone had 2 weddings in one month? They spend $400 on wedding gifts? I think it is tacky for people to judge others gifts. People give what they are comfortable giving. It is a gift, not a "payment for their plate." We were able to afford our wedding (with open bar) without any of the guests "paying" for it.
I dunno....maybe it is a regional thing... Or maybe you (and apparently all your wedding guests) just make a lot more money than I do.
DS born Dec 10, 2013