Blended Families

Irritated w/husband

H told BM he'd get the kids this wknd but never informed me. We are at his dad's farm, where he is working from 7 am to 11:00 (or later) pm.

So I assume I'll be expected to watch the kids while he works, which is fine, but I think I should be made aware.

We've had this issue before, and I've said that it would be nice for me to know - especially when I was making other plans for the wknd. (I'm going stir-crazy after being out at the farm by myself all week.)

I found out from his dad, not even him, b/c his dad is going to drive the 4 hrs to pick them up today.

I just feel insulted that they both know the plan, but I don't. And I've told H in the past that it would be good for me to pick up the kids to get 1-on-1 time with them. 

Based on that, it hurts my feelings that he doesn't even think of me to pick them up. I'm sure he just doesn't want to bother me, but I've told him that I think this would be a good idea in the past.

Please tell me I'm overreacting so I can get over this. Or would it irritate you too?

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Re: Irritated w/husband

  • Is this his weekend?
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • I agree with you. What is the point in him 'having' the kids if he is going to work from 7am-11pm?  He wouldn't even see them, except to look in on them when they're sleeping.  That doesn't seem fair to you, unless the kids will be out on the farm with him helping out while he gets some work done, but if they're just going to be pushed off on you all weekend I don't see how that is right.
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  • I'd be irritated too.  My H is bad about letting me know things too.  It aggravates me and hurts my feelings sometimes too.

    Sorry you're going through this.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
  • My DH used to do this. Then one weekend I said, "Great! I'm so excited to see DSS! Of course, you know that I already had plans so I won't be able to hang out with you guys until dinnertime, but we can do something fun then!"

    DH recovered nicely, rearranged his work schedule so that he would be available, and never did that to me again. 

    Best. Decision. Ever!

  • Well, his dad is here too and loves the kids, so he'll probably spend a lot of time with them. So I won't be expected to watch them all wknd. In fact, he told me to move forward with my plans with a friend tomorrow, so I'm going to.

    I guess what frustrates me even more is that my birthday is in a couple of days, and he's going to be out of town all week (work trip). When I let him know it conflicted, he offered to not take the trip. I said to go on the trip, and don't worry about my b-day that we could do something this wknd to celebrate instead. We planned to go to a major city a few hrs away; I even paid for the hotel already.

    Well, I guess he forgot my b-day celebration. Instead, we're at the farm with his kids. I'm pissed.

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  • imagetwinkl5379:

    Well, his dad is here too and loves the kids, so he'll probably spend a lot of time with them. So I won't be expected to watch them all wknd. In fact, he told me to move forward with my plans with a friend tomorrow, so I'm going to.

    I guess what frustrates me even more is that my birthday is in a couple of days, and he's going to be out of town all week (work trip). When I let him know it conflicted, he offered to not take the trip. I said to go on the trip, and don't worry about my b-day that we could do something this wknd to celebrate instead. We planned to go to a major city a few hrs away; I even paid for the hotel already.

    Well, I guess he forgot my b-day celebration. Instead, we're at the farm with his kids. I'm pissed.

    I definitely do not blame you for this - honestly, I'd call up a girl friend and go with her instead! But that's me Smile I told DH a long time ago, if you make plans and need someone to watch SD - you need to let me know in advance. Because otherwise, you need to find someone else - especially if I already have plans. I don't think you're over-reacting at all.

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  • Is this his normal weekend with his kids?
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • imagetwinkl5379:

    Well, I guess he forgot my b-day celebration. Instead, we're at the farm with his kids. I'm pissed.

    So celebrate where you are, with the kids.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • He doesn't have a scheduled weekend. It's not set in stone, and there's no consistency to when we get them. BM likes it to happen when she works so she doesn't have to find a babysitter. But her schedule so our wknds vary.

    So if what you're getting at is that I tried to have this happen on a weekend he was supposed to get the kids, NO, that is not the case.

     He mentioned that she called earlier this week to see if he could get the kids though he's under no obligation to this wknd - especially since we'd already planned to celebrate my b-day about 2 weeks ago.

    When he told me that she called, he insinuated that he wasn't going to get them b/c we'd be at the farm (at least thru Fri). Therefore, I didn't remind him that we had plans to celebrate my b-day (b/c if I did it would seem like I didn't want them around, so this was my mistake for not reminding him. But I thought I wouldn't even have to go there b/c it seemed like a bad wknd all together.)

    So I was surprised that he'd changed his mind and scheduled it - without telling me.

     Yeah, we can celebrate with the kids. But I have a paid for wine tasting, some shopping I wanted to do b/c I got a groupon and a paid for hotel room (that's now going to waste). I planned on going to a nice dinner with a new dress in mind. Kids can't come along for all of this (ie, wine tasting). And I don't think I'm selfish for wanting a special night with my H for my b-day, especially when I won't see him for 2 wks straight - aside from the fact we slept in the bed together this wk, but that's about it).

    With him gone next wk, I'll possibly be spending my b-day alone (remember I moved away from family/friends to be with him). And it's fine, I'll survive a b-day alone. But this is why we were going to do something special this wknd. But no more.

    It's just another day in my life...with my H having way too many obligations to be married to someone - especially someone who gives 100% of her time to only him and gets what feels like 20% of his time in return.

    I'm over it; I've said all of this to him last night and this morning. Oh well.

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  • I'd be irritated too. I'm sorry he is being thoughtless. Is there any way you can have the money for the hotel and such refunded and plan it for a few weeks from now?
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  • The wine tasting can be rescheduled but not the hotel b/c I bid on it thru Priceline, so it's $80 wasted. Oh well.  Thank you!
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  • imagetwinkl5379:

    I'm over it; I've said all of this to him last night and this morning. Oh well.

    No you are not, you are resentful.  I would be annoyed about the weekend though.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • bebe11bebe11 member
    If it is not his usual weekend, and this just came up and I wasn't informed until last minute, yes I would be irritated.  This has happend to me on more than one occasion, and it's been discussed to the point where I am not always informed.  I even put up a big whiteboard calendar that I update every month, and remind H to use it.  I say, you don't even have to tell me, just write it on the board, this goes with anything, not just the kids.  It works!

     

  • I would be irritted too!! THis always seems to happen to me, most of the time I do not have the "perfect" weekend planned. But his BM is all about last minute decisions, so I have learned I can't really plann anything, which I really hate. I hope it works out for you :)
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