VENT!!! insensitive "friend"

clulessdrmer

Hi all...I do not post here often but I just had to today. A little background:

My hubby and I have been trying to conceive since 2006. We have done what feels like thousands of tests, treatments...the works. BUT of course all my girlfriends are starting to have babies- let me start with the obvious- I am genuinely happy for them all and their babies are absolutely precious and each one is special to my heart....

BUT...one friend in particular was having some difficulty conceiveing as well and by a miracle she naturally conceived and now has a precious baby. But since her finding out she was pregnant and now that the baby has been born- EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING we talk about is about her baby. Now granted I would never steal her joy but I am at the point where I just want to stop being her friend. When we were both in the same place of TTTC she was understanding and a great friend. but as soon as she conceived its like she forgot about my feelings and everytime i see her or talk to her all we talk about is the baby- pics, videos, everything she buys for the baby, how wonderful being a mom is, how perfect her baby is, and how she is already ready to start trying for the next one...

 I dont know why I am unloading on all of you...I guess thats better than unloading on her. I just do not know what to do. My hubby is now noticing and telling me he does not know if he can be around her anymore because of her insensitivity. I want to talk to her but I do not want to come across like i am mad she has a baby and I dont...I am just in need of friends that are sensitive to what I am going through. and of course I want to see pics of her baby and love her baby, but the entire friendship is only about her baby. I thought since she had TTTC, she would be the one friend that would most get it.

Thanks for listening to my rant...i hate being a downer.

rtgay

Wow!! I would be upset too. Especially after she had been on the same journey with you, you'd think she would know how sensitive those subjects are. I'm really sorry that you have a friend that is doing this to you. I suppose if I were you, I would just avoid her. And if you aren't able to do that or don't want to, maybe kindly ask her to remember what it was like before she got pregnant and if she could be respectful of how sensitive you are. Be sure to assure her that you are very happy for her and her baby, but to just be a little more respectful of your situation.

 

Hope this helps and best of luck in your TTC journey!

 

*hugs and prayers*

 

Becca 

Mitzi Bishi

You're not being the downer, she is. It sounds like she's using this as a competition or something. 

It's always unfortunate when people lose their sense of identity. Can you distance yourself without it seeming overly obvious? If you're close enough you could say something to her, although I know it's a delicate situation. Could you redirect conversation to things she used to be interested in? 

That's one of the most difficult things about IF - it affects every single relationship and decision in your life.

Do what's right for you and your DH and try not to feel guilty about it. Hopefully things get better for you!