Did you feel like you were running out of time?

LSR

I just turned 39 and have an almost 2.5 year old. We have always been on the fence about having a second for many reasons: child care costs, I had terrible PPD/PPA and sometimes just the thought of sleepless nights again frightens me! LOL

I know a lot of women have babies into their 40's but I really feel like it's do or die if we want to have a second. I guess I just really feel the pressure to make a decision.

Did anyone else struggle with this?

peeper72

We knew we wanted to do it all again so we didn't have the decision-making factor. However, I felt a lot of pressure to do it right away because of my age.

greengirl0909

At my postpartum check up with my first LO, my doc told me that if we wanted to have another one we should start trying at 6 months. He told me he would support me having a baby at 35, but not 37.  I felt terrified.  Even with this pregnancy I'm already more worried about disabilities deformities, and I won't be 35 until this summer. It's ridiculous I know, but I definitley felt like I was running out of time.

Vincent

I just turned 38 this month, pregnant with my first and feel great.  Prior to joining this board I did feel that I maybe running out of time to have a child but since joining I don't feel this way at all.  My tests have come back great with no complications and I'd like to have a second child in the future, so we'll see.

If I recall, we have a bumpie on here that is turning or turned 46.  Everyone on this board will tell you age is just a number and you are only as old as you feel.  The women on this board are so very encouraging and I'm sure they'll all agree that over 35 is the new 20.  At least that's how I've been looking at it.  Good Luck with your decision.

LauraLynneC

I come from a family of "older moms" so to me, it's the norm.  I feel like I have all the time in the world, even at 42.  My mom, aunt, and gma didn't go through menopause until close to 50 and my family lives long lives.  

And I've never understood friends with the "babies by 35 or never" mentality.  But I grew up being exposed to it.  My mom was my exact age when she had my last sibling and my aunt was 43 & 45 when she had my last 2 cousins.  It's the norm for me. 

junebugrbig

peeper72:

We knew we wanted to do it all again so we didn't have the decision-making factor. However, I felt a lot of pressure to do it right away because of my age.

This...I wanted to have a second in my early 40s and then be done.  Mission accomplished!!

tanyajill

We are onto #3 and I feel like if we were to have another my cut off is to be pregnant by 40. I am 38 now. I have always wanted 4 kids, so we will see what happens. I haven't checked with hubby yet if he is on board for #4  I just don't feel done with this little one. Of course this could all change very fast when I am dealing with 2 under 2!!

yankeebear

I struggled a lot with this.  We had my DD when I was 38 and were thrilled.  I felt like my family was perfect just the way it was.  I also worried about saving for retirement and paying for education expenses.  And I have a fairly stressful job and I am worried about those sleepless nights again. 

In the end I decided that, especially because I am an older parent, I want my daughter to have someone to grow up with and to be there for her when she is a adult because I might not be.  And she loves babies and playing with other kids.  So we decided to just try and see if it was meant to be.  So here I am at 42 expecting my 2nd and most of my fears have been replaced with excitement and joy.  Whatever you decide I wish you the best.

jb2rn

Well, I am unique. I was "only" 34 when we started TTC for the first time, but then learned I have high FSH, and thus, would need IVF to conceive.

We got VERY lucky and got pregnant naturally, but it's unlikely I will get pregnant again. So if we want another, we will just not TTA after this baby is born (hopefully healthy).

BarefootContess

peeper72:

We knew we wanted to do it all again so we didn't have the decision-making factor. However, I felt a lot of pressure to do it right away because of my age.

Ditto. 

kimb311

guppysown@yahoo.com:

At my postpartum check up with my first LO, my doc told me that if we wanted to have another one we should start trying at 6 months. He told me he would support me having a baby at 35, but not 37.  I felt terrified.  Even with this pregnancy I'm already more worried about disabilities deformities, and I won't be 35 until this summer. It's ridiculous I know, but I definitley felt like I was running out of time.

 I am side eyeing the sh!t out of your Dr. for saying that to you! 

clipingirl

Yes absolutely. It took us a great deal of time to decide (and once we did...BLAMO--prego). I feel fortunate about that. But I totally can validate the thoughts of sleepless nights etc. SO hard on my body. I'm also just feeling older in some ways (I'm 38 and prego with #3). But we are so happy about this sweet LO. My daughters (7 & 11) cannot WAIT to meet their new sibling. And something about it just seems to right and so precious.....I'm glad we made the decision to go for it. But the struggle is real and I know everyone will make their own decisions. Keep us posted.....

Strunella

I got married at 39, so time was not on our side and we started TTC on the honeymoon.  Got pregnant the next month, but suffered a m/c.   We started TTC again, and though I got pregnant so quickly the first time, I started to worry that we were running out of time and that maybe we should expedite things with some assistance.  So we went through 3 rounds of IUIs (all failed) and were just about to sign the papers for IVF when guess what?  Pregnant naturally! 

I feel like I rushed into an RE's office because of my age, not because I had any evidence that I needed assistance.  I wonder if I would have gotten pregnant earlier had I not been messing around with IUIs.  Anyway, I am now 41 and we'll be on board for TTC #2 soon.

kristennd

I wouldn't say we struggled with making a decision because we knew that we'd need to start trying to conceive as soon as we were married, since at that point I was just shy of 39.

There was some discussion before getting engaged about whether to have children at all, and how much debt we would be willing to go into for fertility treatments. It didn't seem at all safe to get married before being on the same page with those questions.

We would have preferred more time to acclimate to just being married, especially since we weren't even living together before that, but we certainly did feel that time was running out. And now I'm due on my 40th birthday.

I don't think any decisions about a second child, once we get to thinking about that, will be nearly as age-specific. It will be about things like finances instead.

stabil19

guppysown@yahoo.com:

At my postpartum check up with my first LO, my doc told me that if we wanted to have another one we should start trying at 6 months. He told me he would support me having a baby at 35, but not 37.  I felt terrified.  Even with this pregnancy I'm already more worried about disabilities deformities, and I won't be 35 until this summer. It's ridiculous I know, but I definitley felt like I was running out of time.

 I didn't start trying until I was 38.  Your doctor would not be supporting me!  I will be 39 when I deliver my first.  This will also be my only....unless we get a surprise!

lewis514

I had my first at 33 (almost 34) and am now 35 (almost 36) with my second. My OB isn't really concerned about age with this pregnancy. My DH always said he wanted to be done by 40 and he turns 40 in 2012 so that works for us. I didn't feel any pressure because of this; I figured we would just push the number back a bit if needed. We weren't actively TTC either time but not avoiding either, we just go with it.