I'm wavering on "Team Green" — The Bump
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I'm wavering on "Team Green"

so my 20 week u/s is scheduled for next week, and we were set to be team green. But now I'm having second thoughts.  How the hell do you tell them you don't want to know when it's right in front of you?! 

 The funny thing is, Joey wanted to find out, then I convinced him to wait, and now I'm the one wavering.  My "defense" is that it will help prepare Caroline better if she knows she's getting a brother or a sister.  Ha!

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Re: I'm wavering on "Team Green"

  • what are your reasons for not wanting to find out?  Ya'll found out w/ Caroline, didn't you?  Do you already have an idea how your are going to decorate the nursery?
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  • Stay Strong Josie! I didn't want to find out when I was carrying Amiri. Mainly because I already had a boy and a girl. DH wanted to find out but he stayed strong too... he peeped the ultrasound and tried to guess and kept it to himself but he cried when he Amiri was born.  And note.. I had an ultrasound every month!!! It got easier to not want to know.

    I wish all my pregnancies were a surprise. It was fun and exciting.  Else for preparing.. it is nothing wrong with gender neutral colors... get some gift cards to so when baby is born you can go crazy with pink or blue :)

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  • I will be absolutely NO help to you. I am a planner and there is NO WAY I could wait. It would especially drive me crazy knowing other people would know (Drs,techs, etc...) I do think it will be more fun for Caroline to be able to help you shop for baby if you know what the baby is. Like I said, I am no help. 
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  • The second time around is going to be hard to convince dh not to know. But that is what I want.  Stay strong Josie, you don't get many suprises like this in your lifetime.  : )
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  • imageK&P414:
    what are your reasons for not wanting to find out?  Ya'll found out w/ Caroline, didn't you?  Do you already have an idea how your are going to decorate the nursery?

    I don't know, I don't have any iron-clad reasons for not finding out... I just thought it would be kind of fun for this one to be a surprise.  

    And yeah, I already have the nursery planned out, and it's pretty gender neutral.  I'm not too worried about clothes... gender neutral stuff looks more boyish to me anyway, and we have enough baby girl clothes to dress triplets... so no worries there.

    GAH!

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  • I'm no help either if you want someone to convince you to wait because I MUST know.  :)

    Really, though, if you're unsure then tell them to write it down on a piece of paper but not to tell you.  Then you can give yourself a little more time - pick a deadline - and if you haven't died of curiosity by then, then just don't find out until the baby arrives.  I have friends who did this and expected they'd open the envelope at Christmas, but when that didn't happen they just kinda kept going and never opened the envelope - until after the baby was born, just to be sure it was right!  

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  • Oh and also, I feel awful to admit this, but I think I'm going to be a bit disappointed now matter what I have, and I kind of want to put it off and hope that when the baby comes I won't care.  I really want another girl, but I also really want a boy, so either way I'll be a little sad that I don't have the other.  I know it is crazy, and I'm going to just blame the pregnancy horomones :-)
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  • imageJoJoEspana:

    imageK&P414:
    what are your reasons for not wanting to find out?  Ya'll found out w/ Caroline, didn't you?  Do you already have an idea how your are going to decorate the nursery?

    I don't know, I don't have any iron-clad reasons for not finding out... I just thought it would be kind of fun for this one to be a surprise.  

    And yeah, I already have the nursery planned out, and it's pretty gender neutral.  I'm not too worried about clothes... gender neutral stuff looks more boyish to me anyway, and we have enough baby girl clothes to dress triplets... so no worries there.

    GAH!

    Well, I say just go with the flow.  The anxiety of having the u/s is probably what is making you crazy more than anything, you know? If you get there and decide you want to find out then just do it.  But maybe just seeing the baby will be excitement enough and it will reinforce your plan of not finding out, you know?  And anyway, if you don't find out then and change your mind later you can always find out at another appointment! 

    But, I will say I have enjoyed how several of my friends have done the gender reveal showers.  Have the tech put the results in a sealed envelope and plan a surprise party.  One of my friends went to a local boutique and picked out one girl and one boy outfit and had the sales girl take the outfits in the back and wrap up whichever one she was having.  Another friend had a baker tint the inside of a cake blue or pink and they found out when they cut into the cake.  They also had everybody dress in either blue or pink depending on what they thought the baby was going to be. 

    I think that made finding out a little more exciting than just having the tech say it while you're on the table, kwim?

  • imageJoJoEspana:
    Oh and also, I feel awful to admit this, but I think I'm going to be a bit disappointed now matter what I have, and I kind of want to put it off and hope that when the baby comes I won't care.  I really want another girl, but I also really want a boy, so either way I'll be a little sad that I don't have the other.  I know it is crazy, and I'm going to just blame the pregnancy horomones :-)

    OMG, I was the same way.  I could not imagine never being a mommy to a little boy.  It wasn't that I was disappointed Tess was a girl, I just grieved the little things that come to mind when you think about having a son.  I felt like a monster for feeling that way.  But let me assure you, when I held that tiny pink princess in my arms for the first thing, she felt so right and so perfect, it was ALL good!

     

  • We didn't find out with Alec and it was the best surpise ever.  I'm so glad we didn't find out.  When we had our big u/s, they never showed us the 'parts'.  I had about 12 u/s's and never found out.

    I did find out with Aerin but that was because I learned I would have to be knocked out for my c-section and that would mean DH would know 45 mins before I did.

    If you do want the surprise baby, stay strong:)  you can always have them write it on a slip of paper and you guys could lock it away.

  • I will be no help either.  I am due in less than a month with our second, and we DID find out.  It has been awesome because we are having a second boy (which we really wanted, but would not have been upset with a girl either), and my 2.5 year old has been awesome about "my brother".  He is SO excited he even asked yesterday "can you just go to the hospital and get him taken out?"  So, it has bee good for us to be able to prepare, but if you really want the surprise then you can always do the envelope (we did for our first) or hold off.
  • Not finding out was one of the best things we ever decided - I can't tell you how awesome it was to hear the sex *and* have your baby at the same time!

    Also, speaking from hindsight, it made NO difference not finding out.  If you're already leaning toward gender neutral decor, then you have no reason to know.  Good luck staying strong!

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
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  • Aw, l understand what you mean about thinking you might be "disappointed" either way, I had some of the same feelings. Of course I was completely thrilled to be having a little girl with our third, but I also thought it would be neat to have three boys and for all of them to have that close bond with each other...and I had a boy name I loved but choosing a girl name about sent me to the loony bin (so I had to know I really needed to take the time to choose one, and I did). Knowing me, I just cannot prepare for "two" babies by picking out a boy and girl name, decor, clothes, etc, because then I'd kinda feel a loss for whatever we didn't get a birth. Silly, but I know it would be hard on me personally. However, other peoples surprises are fun to live vicariously through :) good luck!
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  • I'm a huge planner.  In fact, it is what I do for a living.  I had a nursery ready to go at 21 weeks for my first.  That being said, I did not find out the sex either time and it was wonderful.  Planning wise, I think it is even easier to not find out the second time.  The second baby had a pack n' play and a box of clothes to come home to and we figure out the rest over the first few weeks.

     I can understand the disappointment thing and it can be difficult at the delivery.  Both times I was a little sad that I didn't have a girl, but the surprise was still one of the best parts of the delivery.  My husband will get teary talking about getting the opportunity to walk out and tell the family the news.  He would not trade that moment for anything.

  • we found out with Finn but didn't find out with riley or kellen and I LOVED waiting!  it is honestly just the coolest surprise, I think anyway.....and as for the u/s, just tell them you don't want to know and they tell you when to look away, we managed it through two pregnancies, they know what they're doing so you won't find out.  I say wait!
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  • I am SO excited to find out in about 3 weeks what our baby will be! We are Team Green and I had quite a few ultrasounds and even a CVS so I could have found out the gender very early.  It was really no sweat for us. I don't even really have a hunch... The nursery is a green I probably would have selected even if I know... pink and blue really aren't for me.   But I also think not knowing has helped me save a ton of $$ by not overspending and buying way too much.  And FWIW I am a planner, list maker, type A.. this is so relaxing...

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  • Stay Team Green! It is the best surprise ever and so worth the wait. Stay strong lady. Caroline will be excited either way. :) 
  • I agree it is the best surprise ever to wait! And for me, since I didn't find out with either, it was that extra 'push' I needed while in labor, knowing I would be finding out what the baby was if I just kept going. Yes, I know there is no choice regardless, you have to keep going, but for me it made sense and worked :) And honestly I didn't care about the nursery or clothes, we painted Lila's nursery the week she came home, we had chosen a boy color and a girl color. It bothered people way more than it should have that we didn't find out (a saleswoman in Neiman Marcus called me selfish!) which seemed so weird to me, since it was our baby. Anyway, once you get through the next u/s you may not have any more so then all you have to do is wait it out!
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  • Oh, and my entire pregnancy Finn said he was having a baby sister, and he was right. My midwives said kids seem to know these things, so maybe ask Caroline what she thinks!
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  • We didn't find out with Nate and let me tell you it was the most awesome thing I have ever experienced.   My DH told me the sex since I had a c section.   With Wes I had some complications and with all the ultrasounds and my DH begging to find out it was hard not to see that he was a boy.  With the 3rd it will be my turn, so I would want a surprise.  It is the one thing that God blesses you with and you leave in his hands.  All I pray about is healthy.  I can deal with the allergies and acid reflux but give me a healthy baby.
  • imageandrea922:
    Oh, and my entire pregnancy Finn said he was having a baby sister, and he was right. My midwives said kids seem to know these things, so maybe ask Caroline what she thinks!

    My Finn also was adamant it was a girl.......  :)

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  • I like the idea of Team Green but I am too impatient.
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  • I'm absolutely no help because I'm "TEAM FIND OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN" :op. But my reasons are:: I'm such a planner, I need to know these things in advance. Also, for us, having a definite name and calling her by name before she was even born helped with the bonding, imo. (I know that's a very stupid, invalid reason, but it was mine). But the biggest reason I'm for finding out is because I was so sick after giving birth and blacked out, it wouldn't have been that exciting moment. When we found out early at 19 weeks, it was incredibly special to us. We made a day out of it and it was so much fun telling our families. Next time around, it will be even better celebrating that moment with Abigail. But if you are wavering, you can always have the technician right it down and seal it in an envelope and open it when you're ready.
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    Abigail Taylor 09.18.2008


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  • I loved reading all of the replies but I am no help either because I found out with both pregnancies. For me, finding out helped me feel a connection and start that bonding.  I am not one of those folks that enjoyed being pregnant and finding out the gender helped. I think if you can wait you will be happily surprised like the others mentioned.

    When we chatted a few weeks ago you seemed so confident that you would wait. You can do it Josie!

  • imageJoJoEspana:
    Oh and also, I feel awful to admit this, but I think I'm going to be a bit disappointed now matter what I have, and I kind of want to put it off and hope that when the baby comes I won't care.  I really want another girl, but I also really want a boy, so either way I'll be a little sad that I don't have the other.  I know it is crazy, and I'm going to just blame the pregnancy horomones :-)

    I felt the exact same thing when I was pregnant with Taylor!  I kind of wanted another girl because I loved Caroline so much, but then I also thought it would be nice to have one of each.  When I found out I was having a boy my mind just made a switch and I was so excited about having a little boy.  So I think it's totally normal to feel like that and no matter when you find out you will love he/she so much and it won't even matter. 

    But as far as helping you wait - I am NO help!  I found out with both at 16 weeks.  There is no way I could have waited!

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  • I'm having my ultrasound on Thursday (I'm 18 weeks). It's taking everything I have to make sure to keep saying, "Don't tell me!" This second time around has me really wanting to know. But Rob's being super firm, so that keeps me strong.

    Good luck!! 

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  • my hubby found out and i didn't. HUGE mistake because even though i didn't know, he really pretty much gave it away by stuff he would say. he only wanted to know because he has a set of twin boys already.

    this was my first and a lot of parents (according to pedi) don't want to know the first but really want to know the ones that follow.

    it was easy for me. even viewing the ultras, just make sure you tell them and they will let you view until they are ready to explore the genital area. and then you close your eyes. you must tell them beforehand or they might slip and say the gender.

    at 20, it's not that easy for YOU to see but they can tell. i will say that at the VERY end, when you can pretty much see every other feature, it will kinda get harder not to know. also EVERYBODY ASKS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHAT THE SEX IS AND EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO BUY IS PINK OR BLUE, ETC. but keep the faith!!!

  • Stay strong b/c there is nothing like hearing  "IT'S A ___________!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" when that child is born.  One of the true suprises in life.
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