I will be a first time mom in september, I am only 22 years old and am a full time student and work part time. My boyfriend and I live together and we get his daughter every other 2 weeks. I absolutely love my stepdaughter, she is only 19 months, but she calls me mommy. That has to count for something. I really need some advice on if what I am feeling is normal or if my pregnancy hormones are going crazy.
First, my boyfriend is a disabled vet with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and TBI (traumatic brain injury). I wasnt with him when he was in the military, his ex wife (biological mother of the stepdaughter) was. He and I met and things were never normal since day 1 but it works for us and he was going through their divorce. We got pregnant pretty early in the relationship but he didnt seem to mind and never asked that I get an abortion or set the baby up for adoption. He actually seemed happy and even mentioned that the first time his daughter called me mommy he knew that he had found the right woman to be with. Hes never been an emotional person and I think the military is what did it.
There was an incident where he was forced to spend a few days in jail and while he was there, I went through his phone because I had some suspicion and what I found made me very upset. He and his ex were talking as if they were best friends or quite possibly dating again and saying how proud they are of each other and how he still really wanted her help with stuff. He also had grilled her about sleeping with her then boyfriend at the time and they talked almost on a daily basis. He also told her that he did not trust me with the finances because if I messed up it would put him and his daughter out. Mind you, I was pregnant. When I confronted him in jail about it he said he knew I would ask him about it and said he was just telling her what she wanted to hear because that was the advice he was getting from his family. I still havent gotten over it. Finally, I helped get him out and when I went to pick him up all he could talk about was how he realized I was the only one who cared for him and that I was the only one who had his back and that as soon as the divorce was finalized, he wanted to get married. It made me happy but I still felt like crap on the inside. He also kept the pregnancy a secret from his family for a few months and even got a little upset that I had said something to my sister and my mom. I told them as soon as I found out.
Since then, things with his ex have taken up alot of his time, its either up or its down. Hell talk crap about her one day and then the next hes trying to get to her to do a better job at being a person and a mother. She is also 22 and has no high school diploma, lives with her dad, no car of her own, no license and still drives around illegally with her daughter in the front seat. I personally feel that he still puts too much effort into her even though they are divorced now. I dont feel like my child or I are even a priority. He barely mentions the pregnancy or what we are going to do in the future with our baby, its always about his daughter. Its as if nothing will even compare to his daughter. I always mention the "kids" and he always mentions his daughter only. He doesnt even seem to care that much about getting married and we set on going to the JOP on thursday. His FB says divorced, not taken or engaged and when I inquired about the relationship status he denied me. Our sex life keeps going down and he only seems to want it in the middle of the night and when I try or mention that I want to, nothing comes of it.
I am getting really stressed out and have been crying constantly. Its even getting to me so much that I have been staying out of his issues with his ex and havent even bothered about having sex with him. What is going on with him?! This is my first for a kid and a husband and I feel like everything has gone to crap. This isnt how I imagined it. Im sorry for ranting but I have to get this off my chest and need some advice. I dont want to feel like I am going out of my mind anymore.