XP: should I be upset?

RyAnsMoMMy123

So, I have 2 SD's and they often go to MIL's house on the weekends. When they come back they always have new things in hand and MIL doesn't bring anything for DS. Today she came over for dinner and brought the girls these huge easter baskets and nothing for DS. It's really strange to me because if my mother brings an equal amount for all the kids. I am really unsure of how to feel about the situation. WDYT?

 ETA: a little history:

Long story short. I am  a SAHM. DH lets his kids get away with everything due to guilt about their mother being a waste. I am forced to be the disciplinarian, the kids hate me and make up long dramatic stories and tell everyone they meet lies. (Their mother did a lot of drugs while pregnant with them and they have many issues.)  Apparently, according to DH, she feels bad for them. So my son gets nothing while they get handed things out of guilt. Strange to me.... 

lax15bsu

I would be slightly upset.  But, your DS is also only two months old, so MIL might have figured he's not going to remember anything this Easter anyway. 

 As time goes on and if this discrepancy continues, then your DH needs to speak up to his mother and let her know that DS is just as much his child as are your SDs.  All of the kids need to be treated exactly the same way.

I've seen a couple of other posters asking for similar advice when in-laws treat kids differently in a blended family.  That makes me so very thankful that my mom is very conscious of spending the same amount of money on my SS as she does my DS.  

J&A2008

I agree with PP.  I can't imagine making up an Easter basket for an infant.  Relax a little.  If it's still happening when your DS is older, bring it up to your DH and let him handle it.

karatechrissy

My MIL tends to do the same. Sort of. For my baby shower, sje got DD 2 outfits. That was it. (and they are really well off). DD was born and we got flowers. She asks for SS to spend the night every weekend. Often times asks for 2 nights in a row (we have 50/50 w bm, so not as bad as your situation). She NEVER offers or asks for DD. I understand she is an infant and I don't expect her to take her for the nigt(I'm not ready for that.lol) or even every Friday night for that matter. She never offers to take her for a couple hrs so H and I can spend alone time. She only ever wants SS. Christmas came, SS had TONZ of gifts. MIL got my daughter blocks. Yup, blocks that go in a bucket. I get that she is an infant, but it doesn't mean it doesn't sting, and yes it hurts my feelings. I think it sucks. BUT, I'm gonna give it some time. If this yr repeats itself I think I might blow up and H is gonna be the recipient I'm sure. give it some time and see if things change. If not, I would be having a talk w my H. I'm sorry you have to deal w that, though. :-(. Do you have the girls full time?

J&A2008

KC, I'm sorry that your MIL hurts your feelings.  From my perspective, I think it's silly to spend as much on the babies as the older kids.  I split Christmas money unequally so the big kids get the stuff they want and LO is happy with anything. 

I think (and I hesitate to say this, since you might be planning on more kids) but it's easier to spend more money on baby things for the first kids, since you expect more siblings.  For me, I can't justify spending tons of money on baby toys for LO especially now that we're just giving all of his baby stuff away to friends who are having children. 

I don't expect my family or DH's family to spend money on the boys equally, and they usually don't.  I do expect once LO is old enough to appreciate more gifts that everything will be more equal, with gifts from DH and me and from family.

fellesferie

What do you put in an Easter basket for a 2-month old?

Last year, DD was 3 months old at Easter, so we plopped a stuffed lamb in her basket whereas DS (who was 5) had candy and a few small things and a game.

This year things were a bit more equitable.

I understand why you're upset, but I think you should wait a year or two before you see ill intent in your MILs actions. Hopefully she'll start treating the kiddos totally equally!

Jessys_Girl

RyAnsMoMMy123:

So, I have 2 SD's and they often go to MIL's house on the weekends. When they come back they always have new things in hand and MIL doesn't bring anything for DS. Today she came over for dinner and brought the girls these huge easter baskets and nothing for DS. It's really strange to me because if my mother brings an equal amount for all the kids. I am really unsure of how to feel about the situation. WDYT?

 ETA: a little history:

Long story short. I am  a SAHM. DH lets his kids get away with everything due to guilt about their mother being a waste. I am forced to be the disciplinarian, the kids hate me and make up long dramatic stories and tell everyone they meet lies. (Their mother did a lot of drugs while pregnant with them and they have many issues.)  Apparently, according to DH, she feels bad for them. So my son gets nothing while they get handed things out of guilt. Strange to me.... 

I agree with PPs that your DS is too young for the whole "easter basket" thing and so your MIL might just be planning to do things for him when he is older.

That being said, the bolded part of the quote above needs some attention.  You have a DH issue, NOT a MIL issue.

Your SD's BM might've been a "waste" but your DH is doing them a HUGE disservice by coddling them and not actually RAISING them.  Whether or not they've been through a lot, they still need boundaries, discipline, rules, etc.  They shouldn't be allowed to "get away with everything" and "make up long dramatic stories and lies".  You shouldn't be placed in a position of being the sole disciplinarian.  I would explain all of this to DH and let him know that HIS behavior here is unacceptable and is creating and un-equal situation for his new DS.  He is ALLOWING favorites to be played here and is ALLOWING these girls to have carte-blanche...neither thing is healthy for them.

RyAnsMoMMy123

Yes, we do have them F/T. It's very frustrating that I have to take care of them and I battle with H to get them and us into counseling. It's gotten to the point where I may have to take my son and leave.

I don't think he needed an easter basket or anything extravagant, but some gesture ie:a onesie, a rattle...something, would have been nice.

karatechrissy

J&A2008:

KC, I'm sorry that your MIL hurts your feelings.  From my perspective, I think it's silly to spend as much on the babies as the older kids.  I split Christmas money unequally so the big kids get the stuff they want and LO is happy with anything. 

I think (and I hesitate to say this, since you might be planning on more kids) but it's easier to spend more money on baby things for the first kids, since you expect more siblings.  For me, I can't justify spending tons of money on baby toys for LO especially now that we're just giving all of his baby stuff away to friends who are having children. 

I don't expect my family or DH's family to spend money on the boys equally, and they usually don't.  I do expect once LO is old enough to appreciate more gifts that everything will be more equal, with gifts from DH and me and from family.

I totally can see your point, and I can't say I disagree. I think the WAY it's done is what gets to me more than DD not getting 'things'. She has plenty of 'things'. Hell she is happy with a water bottle ;-) lol.

I totally spent more money on SS for Christmas than DD.I got DD a few outfits and a couple toys, but nothing much. I get that. She has no idea what's going on. I think my situation is a TAD dfferent than OP's in that it hurts me that MIL doesn't want to even really spend any time with LO, and never offers 'hey can I have SS spend the night tonight? You can drop of DD too and go to a movie if you want'. And I don't expect that every weekend, once every once in a while would be so nice though. Just to offer.

I do think that OP needs to wait a year or so until her son is old enough to 'get it' and maybe MIL will put more effort in. (I didn't even make an easter basket for DD... I feel bad but I just kept thinking what's the point? She is 10 months old!).

karatechrissy

J&A2008:

KC, I'm sorry that your MIL hurts your feelings.  From my perspective, I think it's silly to spend as much on the babies as the older kids.  I split Christmas money unequally so the big kids get the stuff they want and LO is happy with anything. 

I think (and I hesitate to say this, since you might be planning on more kids) but it's easier to spend more money on baby things for the first kids, since you expect more siblings.  For me, I can't justify spending tons of money on baby toys for LO especially now that we're just giving all of his baby stuff away to friends who are having children. 

I don't expect my family or DH's family to spend money on the boys equally, and they usually don't.  I do expect once LO is old enough to appreciate more gifts that everything will be more equal, with gifts from DH and me and from family.

I totally can see your point, and I can't say I disagree. I think the WAY it's done is what gets to me more than DD not getting 'things'. She has plenty of 'things'. Hell she is happy with a water bottle ;-) lol.

I totally spent more money on SS for Christmas than DD.I got DD a few outfits and a couple toys, but nothing much. I get that. She has no idea what's going on. I think my situation is a TAD dfferent than OP's in that it hurts me that MIL doesn't want to even really spend any time with LO, and never offers 'hey can I have SS spend the night tonight? You can drop of DD too and go to a movie if you want'. And I don't expect that every weekend, once every once in a while would be so nice though. Just to offer.

I do think that OP needs to wait a year or so until her son is old enough to 'get it' and maybe MIL will put more effort in. (I didn't even make an easter basket for DD... I feel bad but I just kept thinking what's the point? She is 10 months old!).