well.. you "planned" it — The Bump
Military Families

well.. you "planned" it

this is what my sil said when i told her that the baby would be born just after dh would be leaving for deployment..

 

if we planned around army stuff.. we would never have kids.. 

im really trying to blow off her comments.. shes not really all that supportive about our pregnancy. i have a 6 yr old dd with a previous marriage. this is dh and i's first child together. 

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Re: well.. you "planned" it

  • SO true about "if we planned around army stuff.. we would never have kids.."

    That was incredibly insensitive of her. Just blow it off as best you can. Yes, it's hurtful, I've had my fair share of comments from friends or family that just don't think before they speak.

    I've gotten flack for us getting pregnant while he's going through the Q course. Well, first of all we didn't really get to pick when we'd conceive and have a viable pregnancy, but I firmly believe things happen for a reason, and this is good timing for us. 

    A lot of other ladies are in your same boat. So don't be afraid to reach out to a more sympathetic crowd if you need the support.

    If the comment really continues to bother you, you might want to have your DH say something to your SIL about inappropriate comments like that. I'd be distancing myself from her, but that's just me.

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  • A week after we started trying to get pregnant I got a "heads up" that I might get sent to Afghanistan. A few weeks later, when we confirmed that it was, in fact, too late to delay our baby plans because we were already pregnant, I got orders. I will go to Afghanistan when this baby is about 8 months old. DH will be in OBC in Texas (I am in South Dakota) when the baby is born. If tentative schedules stick, DH will leave for a year in Korea just about the time I get back from my deployment. At this point, we have just had to say "Well, things work out the way they are supposed to!"

    But honestly, it sucks, and this is not at all how we wanted it. I am sorry you are going through the same sort of thing. Hang in there, and remember that most of the people in the world just don't get it.

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  • Congratulations on your baby! The timing may not be perfect but nonetheless your baby is still a miracle. I'm really sorry that she said that, people suck sometimes.

    Married 5/29/09
    DS 8/10/2010 8lbs 6oz
    DD 11/28/2012 8lbs 7oz
    It's a Girl! Due 2/5/2017
  • i would rather him be home for most of the pregnancy to feel the baby kick and all that.. my ex was rather uninterested in my whole pregnancy.. it made me feel like it just was something we go thru and not a happy moment. dh can see the baby when he has r&r. and when he comes back. im just hoping my mom can come for a week or so. i have 1 friend near me.. other than sil and my friend.. im alone.. but even then.. my sil isnt really around. she lives half an hour away, and has only came inside our house 2 times in the past year while we have gone quite a few times to theirs.. i dont know any fellow millitary wives/ gf/ fi in my area.
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  • Reach out and meet people :) Look for a local spouses group, a group on meetup.com, and try to socialize. No one can understand better what you are going threw than another military spouse. You can't plan around the military only roll with the punches. Congrats on your pregnancy enjoy every minute, but trust me as a person who use to not try to meet people those long deployments were miserable all alone.
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  • Theres a chance my DH will deploy 3 months after the babys born. When i give birth,  hell be in Washington while im in Maryland.

    We all know the frustration. I live a good distance away from the nearest military base, so i dont know any military wives here, and the ones i do know are in Georgia where we were last stationed.

    I know its easier said then done, but be patient. I keep telling myself itll all work out too
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  • image Corbin30:

    A week after we started trying to get pregnant I got a "heads up" that I might get sent to Afghanistan. A few weeks later, when we confirmed that it was, in fact, too late to delay our baby plans because we were already pregnant, I got orders. I will go to Afghanistan when this baby is about 8 months old. DH will be in OBC in Texas (I am in South Dakota) when the baby is born. If tentative schedules stick, DH will leave for a year in Korea just about the time I get back from my deployment. At this point, we have just had to say "Well, things work out the way they are supposed to!"

    But honestly, it sucks, and this is not at all how we wanted it. I am sorry you are going through the same sort of thing. Hang in there, and remember that most of the people in the world just don't get it.

     

    Corbin I feel your pain on this one. We had not concieved for TEN years! I took my pre-deployment preg test (twice) and both were negative! So I go downrange only to find out I am pregnant. Of course, I get back and there are "those" who say "Oh...you did it on purpose"  I had also gone on the pill because I did not want cycles.  Crazy. 

    OP, don't stress about those who say that...just look at them like they grew a um...horn out of their foreheads and tell them they are stupid.  you are pregnant. you can get away with saying stuff more now. hormones and all...

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  • I think people outside Mil life can't understand it.  I have friends and family who constantly make ignorant comments.  It's not because they are being malicious, they just don't know how the system works. 

     Good luck with the new little one.  It's hard being alone but I'm sure you already have a great support group where you are.  

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