husband coming home for birth? — The Bump
Military Families

husband coming home for birth?

My husband is supposed to deploy this July and I'm due in September. I've heard several different sides of the story that he can come home and others saying that he can't. Those of you who've been there what was your experience? and how did you let him know when you went into labor? Or did he just make his R&R around your due date and you get induced?
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Re: husband coming home for birth?

  • I think it depends on what branch of service and all that stuff.

    I am due the 23rd of July...  my DH is supposed to be home NLT 30 July... We tried seeing if he could come home a week early but because he is important on the deployment, they wont let him.  We are AF.

     

    G/L


  • He's in the army I don't know if that helps. From what I've been told they are just going as support. 
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  • Usually the unit will try to schedule R&R leave so the dad can come home. With him leaving so soon before your due date they might not be able to do that, or you might not want to, since then he wouldn't be able to come home later in the deployment.

    It sucks. My DH is leaving for a school in June, and won't be back until after my due date. It's close enough that we might be able to make it, if this baby is kind enough to go overdue, but I am not going to bet on it!

  • The only way he will get to come home is if it is his scheduled R&R. He will not get emergency leave because you are in labor.
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  • I have a friend who's hubby is in the Marines, and he missed the birth and first 3 months of his daughter's life due to deployment. Maybe the army is different.

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  • My DH is Army. He deployed in May 2009 (in fact, he left on Mother's Day) when I was about 32 weeks along. Fortunately, DH and I decided that we did not want him trying to time his R&R around LO's birth--which was good as my LO was born 13 days after his EDD. The birth experience was awful, and while I would have liked him to have been there with me, hanging out in a hospital is not how I wanted him to spend his R&R. DH came home when LO was 2 months old, for his R&R. It worked well for us, I was starting to feel nearly normal again, and LO was sleeping through the night, so DH was able to relax more than if he'd come home when LO was a newborn. DH redeployed when LO was 9 months old.

    You have to do what is best for you. Be sure that you have a good support system in place to help you, regardless of when your DH comes home. My personal opinion was that the stress of worrying about whether DH would make it in home in time would have been more than I needed (I was certain that LO was going to be born around 38 weeks, imagine my surprise when I was still pregnant nearly four weeks later!). Remember though, that the needs of the military will come first. And, flights get delayed or cancelled. There are so many variables. Again, this is something that you and your DH need to talk about.

    As for how DH learned that I was in labor. . . I don't remember. I think my SIL/labor coach called him. He had a cell phone so I was able to call him if needed (though, it was less expensive for him to call me. I only called him when it was really important).
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  • My husband is also in the military and deployed.  He left for training May 2010 and then actually left the US in July.  I was due September 23rd, so my OB agreed to schedule an induction for around 39 weeks and the Army let DH schedule his leave time for then.  There were many other pregnant wives, so as long as they didn't have too many gone at one time, they gave all the ones with "emergency" requests like births first priority on their pick of dates.  I was due to be induced on Monday the 20th, and DH came home Friday night, the 17th, which was perfect timing because I went into labor in the middle of the night and she was born early Saturday morning.  I kept saying she just needed to stay in until her Daddy came home, so apparently she was listening.  :)  As amazing as it was to have him here for the delivery was, sometimes I wish we would've planned his leave for later in the deployment.  Although she won't remember him being gone, she'll be 8 months old when he gets back, and he hasn't seen her since she was 2 weeks old.  Its just hard to have him miss so many firsts. 

    Good luck with everything!

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    Like Smudge's, we deliberately did not try to time DH's R&R to coincide with my due date.  He let his command know about our situation as soon as they arrived in-country, and they gave him priority scheduling for R&R.  We had him arrive two weeks after my due date (which wound up being 1 week after the baby was born--I always go overdue) so we could have maximum time as a whole family without anyone being in the hospital.

    FWIW, most MTFs have policies against inducing for non-medical reasons.  The risks to you and the baby far outweigh the convenience of getting to schedule a birth around TDYs or deployments.  Don't expect that your doctor will go along with your plan to schedule an induction around R&R.

  • my husband is in the Air Force.. he deployed July 2010 to Feb 2011... he wasn't able to come home.  hope your hubby can!!
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  • The ultimate answer will depend on his job, deployment, and commander. DH deployed 10 days prior and missed months 0-15. Awesome. But he was the only one of his job and there was no way he could deploy late to catch the birth. I know of a few people who have gotten lucky with timing. Honestly, the odds of him actually being at the birth, even if planned, are so slim that you shouldn't get any sort of hope up. He could try to come home and miss it by hours, or you could be 2 weeks late and he'll still miss the whole thing. Will you be more upset about that situation than you would if he were just coming home for R&R at 1 or 3 months? The Army will not induce under almost any circumstances. Your OB can confirm your base's policy on that.
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