Mom Vent — The Bump
Military Families

Mom Vent

So I just had to get this off my chest and I know my Mom didn't mean it the way I took it. She's an awesome Mom and would never do/say something to intentionally hurt me. My Dad has been working some weird shifts at work lately...4pm-6am type of shift and my Mom and I were talking (we talk every day 2-3 times a day) and she was saying how she was fed up seeing him for a half hour when he comes home then he goes to sleep until he wakes up for his next shift. She said "it's kind of like we're going through a deployment too" and laughed. I just sat there on the phone not knowing what to say to that. I made some excuse and got off the phone with her but the more I sat there and replayed that line in my head the more steamed I got!

Again, I know she didn't mean it to be hurtful, but really? Sorry ladies, just had to get that one out of my system!

TTC our first Navy baby! Me:27 DH:30, together since 8/2003, Married on 7/2006
9/26/10 stopped BCP and started TTC.
9/2011 referred to RE. All blood work normal and DH's SA=normal results
11/2011 HSG=both tubes clear
One natural (monitored) cycle of Clomid, 50mg 2/2012= BFN
Getting ready for first IUI, 3/2012 received orders to Japan! (postponed IUI)
5/2012 Moved to Japan, fought Tricare for months over referral (no fertility treatment on our military base) for Japanese RE out in town!
8/2012 Started seeing new RE
9/2012, post coital test= hostile cervical fluid, (finally) moving on with first IUI!
9/29/2012 IUI #1+trigger= BFN
10/27/2012 IUI #2+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger= BFN
11/28/2012 IUI #3+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger= BFN
12/28/2012 IUI#4+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger=BFN
2/1/2013 IUI#5+injectables+trigger=BFN
3/2013 IUI#6+injectables+trigger=???

Re: Mom Vent

  • My mom is always saying to me how hard it is to be a military wife. She will also post on FB about it and when other civilian people talk about how hard life is she will talk about how they don't understand.

    The problem is my stepdad was retired 15 years before he met my mom. She is a RETIRED military man's wife and has NEVER been an AD wife. I want to smack her. Listening to him talk about deployments is not the same as your husband actually leaving on one.

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  • Think I would have probably told my mom how I felt about her statement. I mean of course your mom didnt mean it in a bad way but she wont know what it?s like unless she has expierenced it.
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  • Maybe tell her that those statements hurt... Lord knows I would tell my mom that if she said something (DH has never been deplyed, but his MOS training took 1.5 years, and I only saw him 2 times for maybe 14 days each).
    My sister is married to a former Sailor, (he got out 8 years before they met) and since she married him she keeps saying how hard military families have it, and that civilians don't know what it's like to be separated from their LO's... I want to slap her every time she brings it up...

    So it seems like you aren't the only one with insensitive family members...
    Just know that no one knows just how hard this is for YOU... not everyone is the same, and some handle time apart better than others, but we all struggle.

    Good luck!

  • I've been there with friends too. A friend once said to me while DH was deployed, "I know what you are going through now. My DH was OOT all weekend. It sucked." because, don't you know, a weekend trip is the same as being in a war zone for several months. Some people just don't get it.
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  • Forgive and forget.

    She may have been trying to identify her loneliness with you since you would most likely understand that. 

    Simply say something to the effect of "it is hard when we don't have our loved ones nearby". Commisserate a little and let it go.
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  • I've come to realize very few people who haven't actually been married during active duty and through deployements understand the level of difficulty. I however refuse to let people say things like how hard it is like your mother did and not explain to them the difference. They sound really insensitive and ignorant when they say those things. It is not that I expect their sympathy, I just don't think its fair to compare apples and oranges. My husband goes and fights a war leaving me alone by myself for long periods of time living 13 hours from my family. Your husband comes home everyday or is gone for a weekend. Nope not the same.

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