New mommy and also newly single.

AmberL89

Me and my bf have had so many ups and downs. It would have been 2 years in may. He has some mental issues. Bi polar, depression, anxiety..and well, he just wasn't acting right last week. I mean he really freaked me out. I told him I felt uncomfortable with how he was acting, it wasn't like him at all. I told him his behavior was really unstable. He's staying at his sister's now and while I know it was the best thing because I'm looking out for the safety of my daughter and also myself, I can't help but feel horrible. It's not his fault that he has a mood disorder and those problems. I've been battling depression for years myself. But I hate that he can't see her right now. It upsets me so much. We were going to end up breaking up anyway, all we did was fight and we just weren't the same anymore. I thought a baby would have brought us closer together, but it honestly broke us up. It's for the best though. I just don't know how to deal, and I would really like some advice.

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sorry you have to deal with that.  and what did he do exactly that freaked you out to the point that he is staying elsewhere?

 

and what specifically do you want advice on?   

BostonGayGal

Is your bf in therapy and on meds for his mood disorder?  It sounds as though he recognizes he has a problem but has not sought treatment. What is the behavior that upset you and made you feel unsafe?

Babies accentuate the best and the worst in relationships. This just does not seem to happen: "I thought a baby would have brought us closer together" 

Mrs.Keith2B

A new baby is tough, even on the strongest of relationships. It certainly won't bring two people closer who are already having a lot of problems.

 

While it's not your BF's fault he has these mental disorders, it's his fault he's not properly taking care of them through treatment, medications, counseling, etc. If his family was a priority to him, he would be seeking the proper treatment to ensure his behavior is normal and stable. Keep reminding yourself of that.

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Mrs.Keith2B:

A new baby is tough, even on the strongest of relationships. It certainly won't bring two people closer who are already having a lot of problems.

 

While it's not your BF's fault he has these mental disorders, it's his fault he's not properly taking care of them through treatment, medications, counseling, etc. If his family was a priority to him, he would be seeking the proper treatment to ensure his behavior is normal and stable. Keep reminding yourself of that.

Spot.on.

 

This also made me feel a pang of sadness for ex H.  In addition to being the typical entitled abuser, he also has a mood disorder and its so true- if he really loved us he would have taken care of that to be the best husband/father possible.  

Maybe the pang of sadness was more for DS.

 

Look, OP, it's true though, and also, you can't get help until you WANT to.  Know what I mean? 

AmberL89

kristinhart511:

sorry you have to deal with that.  and what did he do exactly that freaked you out to the point that he is staying elsewhere?

 

and what specifically do you want advice on?   

 

I came home from a doctor appointment for the baby and I and he was in the bedroom with the door locked. Our bathroom is through our bedroom, and so I asked him to let me in so I could get there. He asked me to lock the door behind me which was strange. The bathroom door was also closed. I closed that door when I left too, and he wouldn't tell me why he was locking the doors or anything. He stayed in that room for like 12 hours. He didn't eat or anything. And then I found out he had a machete with him. Like he was protecting himself from something or someone. I wasn't afraid that he would do something to me or Arianna but I did NOT want to risk anything because he obviously wasn't in the right state of mind. He also said he was trying to "protect" us, that's why he was carrying the machete around. I asked him "why do you need to carry it in your own house?" and his response was "just in case." I asked him what was going on, why he was acting this way and he kept saying "I can't tell you."

He is currently going to counseling though it doesn't seem to be helping. And he is also on medication, he just started taking them again..I told him if he ends up coming back, the conditions are that he take his medication faithfully, he tells his counselor EVERYTHING, and the machete does not come back in the house.

I just don't know how to deal with all of this. I'm trying. I guess I'm not looking for advice really, but more wondering if anyone else has gone through something like this.

Watergirl21

That is very strange about him locking himself in his room. 

I can relate on what it is like to have struggled with depression and then to be with someone who has a mood disorder. I think my DH has a mood disorder, but initially he blamed everything on me and i believed him because i had strugged in the past.  But then I started looking at his family and his Dad has some sort of mental illness, his one brother was committed last year and his other brother is being treated for schizophrenia.  Then I realized- hey maybe it isn't me... maybe it is him.

what your guy is going through is pretty serious and I think you need to keep him out of your life and away from LO until he gets help and his counsellor talks to you and assures you that you are safe.  I doubt he tells his counsellor about the machete.

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AmberL89:

kristinhart511:

sorry you have to deal with that.  and what did he do exactly that freaked you out to the point that he is staying elsewhere?

 

and what specifically do you want advice on?   

 

I came home from a doctor appointment for the baby and I and he was in the bedroom with the door locked. Our bathroom is through our bedroom, and so I asked him to let me in so I could get there. He asked me to lock the door behind me which was strange. The bathroom door was also closed. I closed that door when I left too, and he wouldn't tell me why he was locking the doors or anything. He stayed in that room for like 12 hours. He didn't eat or anything. And then I found out he had a machete with him. Like he was protecting himself from something or someone. I wasn't afraid that he would do something to me or Arianna but I did NOT want to risk anything because he obviously wasn't in the right state of mind. He also said he was trying to "protect" us, that's why he was carrying the machete around. I asked him "why do you need to carry it in your own house?" and his response was "just in case." I asked him what was going on, why he was acting this way and he kept saying "I can't tell you."

He is currently going to counseling though it doesn't seem to be helping. And he is also on medication, he just started taking them again..I told him if he ends up coming back, the conditions are that he take his medication faithfully, he tells his counselor EVERYTHING, and the machete does not come back in the house.

I just don't know how to deal with all of this. I'm trying. I guess I'm not looking for advice really, but more wondering if anyone else has gone through something like this.

 

look i am not a doctor.

but these paranoid delusions that he is having - with the  machete and needing to protect himself- that does not seem like bi polar disorder to me.

does he go through periods where these delusions are more prevalent and then when he is not having delusions, he is very - flattened - severely depressed? 

 

in fact, it sounds like some of the stuff my ex h's uncle did- and he was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. and some of the bi polar meds - can actually make this worse.

often it takes more than one dr. to diagnose this disorder.  but it is very very serious.  if there is any way you can reach out to your husbands doctor, and let him/her know about this event, please do.  he could be not telling his doctors, or god knows what.

even if it isn't what it seems like (just based on what my ex's uncle went through, having similar delusions) - he still needs serious and immediate help and yes, you were right to get freaked out.  

 wow i am so sorry you have to deal with this.  

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watergirl21:

That is very strange about him locking himself in his room. 

I can relate on what it is like to have struggled with depression and then to be with someone who has a mood disorder. I think my DH has a mood disorder, but initially he blamed everything on me and i believed him because i had strugged in the past.  But then I started looking at his family and his Dad has some sort of mental illness, his one brother was committed last year and his other brother is being treated for schizophrenia.  Then I realized- hey maybe it isn't me... maybe it is him.

what your guy is going through is pretty serious and I think you need to keep him out of your life and away from LO until he gets help and his counsellor talks to you and assures you that you are safe.  I doubt he tells his counsellor about the machete.

yes ... i agree with all of this. about the counselor reassuring her its safe again.