My Easter Nightmare

EliseB0323

Hosting dinner for my family has turned into a freaking nightmare. My BIL is allergic to gluten. My sister and son are allergic to nuts. My Dad isn't supposed to eat red meat. My son is allergic to seafood. My husband doesn't drink alcohol. And to top it off, my sister decided to quiz me on whether the meal would be organic. (It won't be.) So, we are having:

Salmon

Shrimp (some marinated, some plain for BIL because the marinade has gluten in it)

Chicken for DS and my sister who yesterday claimed she "didn't care for seafood."  (Although she has eaten it many times at my house.

Couscous with pine nuts on the side for my sister who is allergic to them.

Saffron rice (since BIL can't eat the couscous

Carrots for the kids

Roasted Asparagus

Mini croissants (which BIL can't eat)

Cheescake w/ raspberries (BIL can take off the crust)

Cupcakes -- My sister is making these because she likes coconut cupcakes and no one else does. She is making chocolate cupcakes for the kids.

joy143dh

Why not just ham, potatoes, and carrots w/ dinner rolls?

Rebekah1021

Holy smokes. Why not have BIL bring his own dish?

 

EastCoastBride

From the gluten point of view, there are many marinades out there that are gluten free.  And Lundberg makes a brown rice couscous that is gluten free. 

As for the cheesecake, has he done that before?  Just taken off the crust?  If not, dont' assume it's really that easy.  he can't eat any part of the cake that touched the crust and if you use a knife to cut the entire cake, then you'll be contaminating the cake w/ every cut you make.  I'm not trying to make things harder - just trying to give you an FYI. 

And I agree w/ the other poster- ham and potatoes!  It really doens't have to be that hard.

Rebekah1021

make a crust-less cheesecake

veloelle

A lot of DH's family is vegetarian. Whenever they have a family GTG, they'd typically bring a veggie casserole so that the entire lot wasn't catering to three people's food choice. I'd make each person bring a dish. That's crazy!

EliseB0323

joy143dh:

Why not just ham, potatoes, and carrots w/ dinner rolls?

I hate ham.

EliseB0323

EastCoastBride:

From the gluten point of view, there are many marinades out there that are gluten free.  And Lundberg makes a brown rice couscous that is gluten free. 

As for the cheesecake, has he done that before?  Just taken off the crust?  If not, dont' assume it's really that easy.  he can't eat any part of the cake that touched the crust and if you use a knife to cut the entire cake, then you'll be contaminating the cake w/ every cut you make.  I'm not trying to make things harder - just trying to give you an FYI. 

And I agree w/ the other poster- ham and potatoes!  It really doens't have to be that hard.

Thanks for these tips. I think I'm going to make BIL a cheescake parfait w/o any crust involved.

4Speedy

Elise, I have noticed that even when you haven't been around much, you will come back close to holidays to post about how difficult your family is making it to plan a menu.  Your menu always sounds wonderful but also like it is quite a bit of work to do all the shopping and cooking.  When people post suggestions to simplify it, you come up with a dozen reasons why it needs to be so complicated.  Actually, I am thinking you have a Martha Stewart complex.  I think you enjoy your identitiy in your family as being the only person who can pull off the family dinners.  I'll give you props for planning a great dinner for your family dinner.  But at least own up to it.  Don't pretend it's a "nightmare" for you when I think you secretly enjoy the attention you get from people admiring your ability to pull it all off. 

EliseB0323

4Speedy:

Elise, I have noticed that even when you haven't been around much, you will come back close to holidays to post about how difficult your family is making it to plan a menu.  Your menu always sounds wonderful but also like it is quite a bit of work to do all the shopping and cooking.  When people post suggestions to simplify it, you come up with a dozen reasons why it needs to be so complicated.  Actually, I am thinking you have a Martha Stewart complex.  I think you enjoy your identitiy in your family as being the only person who can pull off the family dinners.  I'll give you props for planning a great dinner for your family dinner.  But at least own up to it.  Don't pretend it's a "nightmare" for you when I think you secretly enjoy the attention you get from people admiring your ability to pull it all off. 

EliseB0323

4Speedy:

Elise, I have noticed that even when you haven't been around much, you will come back close to holidays to post about how difficult your family is making it to plan a menu.  Your menu always sounds wonderful but also like it is quite a bit of work to do all the shopping and cooking.  When people post suggestions to simplify it, you come up with a dozen reasons why it needs to be so complicated.  Actually, I am thinking you have a Martha Stewart complex.  I think you enjoy your identitiy in your family as being the only person who can pull off the family dinners.  I'll give you props for planning a great dinner for your family dinner.  But at least own up to it.  Don't pretend it's a "nightmare" for you when I think you secretly enjoy the attention you get from people admiring your ability to pull it all off. 

It's very likely going to be my Mom's last Easter, so yeah, I am trying to pull off a nice dinner for everyone. Feel free to flame some more.

AnnapolisLari

EliseB0323:

joy143dh:

Why not just ham, potatoes, and carrots w/ dinner rolls?

I hate ham.

So have turkey. Or fish. Or chicken for everyone. Or a pork loin.

I don't understand why you're having so many allergenic foods at a meal for people with exactly those allergies. Most of the people on here who have food allergies are always worried about cross-contamination. Having the stuff that people are allergic to seems kind of passive-aggressive, to be honest.

 

4Speedy

EliseB0323:

4Speedy:

Elise, I have noticed that even when you haven't been around much, you will come back close to holidays to post about how difficult your family is making it to plan a menu.  Your menu always sounds wonderful but also like it is quite a bit of work to do all the shopping and cooking.  When people post suggestions to simplify it, you come up with a dozen reasons why it needs to be so complicated.  Actually, I am thinking you have a Martha Stewart complex.  I think you enjoy your identitiy in your family as being the only person who can pull off the family dinners.  I'll give you props for planning a great dinner for your family dinner.  But at least own up to it.  Don't pretend it's a "nightmare" for you when I think you secretly enjoy the attention you get from people admiring your ability to pull it all off. 

It's very likely going to be my Mom's last Easter, so yeah, I am trying to pull off a nice dinner for everyone. Feel free to flame some more.

Sorry about your mom.  Still don't get why you think "nice" needs to be complicated, though.

EliseB0323

AnnapolisLari:

EliseB0323:

joy143dh:

Why not just ham, potatoes, and carrots w/ dinner rolls?

I hate ham.

So have turkey. Or fish. Or chicken for everyone. Or a pork loin.

I don't understand why you're having so many allergenic foods at a meal for people with exactly those allergies. Most of the people on here who have food allergies are always worried about cross-contamination. Having the stuff that people are allergic to seems kind of passive-aggressive, to be honest.

 

Oh, for god's sake.  I am not secretly trying to poison anyone. My son is the one with seafood allergies. We eat fish all the time and there is no cross-contamination. As I mentioned, this is likely my mom's last Easter. She wanted seafood, so I'm making seafood. BIL is fine keeping the gluten and gluten free stuff separate. The nut-allergy people are fine keeping the nuts away from their foods. I am not secretly trying to poison anyone.

EastCoastBride

AnnapolisLari:

So have turkey. Or fish. Or chicken for everyone. Or a pork loin.

I don't understand why you're having so many allergenic foods at a meal for people with exactly those allergies.

I agree.  It seems like you're making this so much more complicated than it really needs to be.  AND to add - (as I do realize the gluten aspect can be hard), why not ask your BIL about what he can and can't have?  The fact that you think he can't have any marinated shrimp tells me that you aren't doing your research.  And you personally don't have to do the research, but you can ask your BIL "do you use any marinades and if so, what brand is safe?". 

I don't see why it's necessary to have a side that has nuts incorporated at all, even if "on the side".  There are a million non-nut sides you could have.  And really, the same can be said for gluten. 

 

Zenya

AnnapolisLari:

So have turkey. Or fish. Or chicken for everyone. Or a pork loin.

I don't understand why you're having so many allergenic foods at a meal for people with exactly those allergies. Most of the people on here who have food allergies are always worried about cross-contamination. Having the stuff that people are allergic to seems kind of passive-aggressive, to be honest.

 

ITA with this.  You're just going to make people feel awkward.  There are lots of ways to accommodate the requirements here without descending into martyrdom.  Just make a gluten-free desert.  Not a separate one that he'll then feel obliged to eat.  I've been dairy, soy, egg, meat free at people's houses.  And the people who have not made it a big song and dance are my heroes

Showcase your culinary prowess by  making a meal everyone can enjoy. Not making 72 things so everyone is eating a different dinner. Really, it won't be impressive. Just awkward.

even just the marinade alone.  You can make a gluten free marinade from your fridge! really I think you're being a little ridiculous. 

EliseB0323

EastCoastBride:

AnnapolisLari:

So have turkey. Or fish. Or chicken for everyone. Or a pork loin.

I don't understand why you're having so many allergenic foods at a meal for people with exactly those allergies.

I agree.  It seems like you're making this so much more complicated than it really needs to be.  AND to add - (as I do realize the gluten aspect can be hard), why not ask your BIL about what he can and can't have?  The fact that you think he can't have any marinated shrimp tells me that you aren't doing your research.  And you personally don't have to do the research, but you can ask your BIL "do you use any marinades and if so, what brand is safe?". 

I don't see why it's necessary to have a side that has nuts incorporated at all, even if "on the side".  There are a million non-nut sides you could have.  And really, the same can be said for gluten. 

 

Of course I asked BIL what he can eat. I was planning on using a bottled marinade. He said most bottled marinades have gluten in them, and asked that I make some plain shrimp. Sure, I could just make a marinade without gluten, but he specifically asked for plain shrimp.

And my mom asked for the couscous dish w/ pine nuts.

eclaires

Well while it might be your mom's last Easter (and I am sorry for that), 4Speedy's point is you've done this a lot in the past.  So I think the point is valid.

It just seems harder than necessary.  

EastCoastBride

EliseB0323:

Oh, for god's sake.  I am not secretly trying to poison anyone. My son is the one with seafood allergies. We eat fish all the time and there is no cross-contamination. As I mentioned, this is likely my mom's last Easter. She wanted seafood, so I'm making seafood. BIL is fine keeping the gluten and gluten free stuff separate. The nut-allergy people are fine keeping the nuts away from their foods. I am not secretly trying to poison anyone.

I personally am not trying to flame you, but your OP has a tone of "woe is me, look at what I have to deal with", to which I'm saying "doesn't have to be that complicated".

But now you're giving us different details that changes the story and makes it sound like you want to do this and it's not a big deal to the people w/ the food issues.

#6

AnnapolisLari:

EliseB0323:

joy143dh:

Why not just ham, potatoes, and carrots w/ dinner rolls?

I hate ham.

So have turkey. Or fish. Or chicken for everyone. Or a pork loin.

I don't understand why you're having so many allergenic foods at a meal for people with exactly those allergies. Most of the people on here who have food allergies are always worried about cross-contamination. Having the stuff that people are allergic to seems kind of passive-aggressive, to be honest.

 

 

 I agree with this.  Why have so many chances of cross contamination?  Just find ONE main dish and a few sides that are allergy free.  It will be easier on you and safer for everyone.   I do think making BIL a crust less cheesecake would be fine and then a regular one for everyone els.   

Im sorry to hear about your mom.  I think making the menu easier and less stressful on you will allow you to enjoy this Easter with her more so than stressing over who eats what.  

EliseB0323

Zenya:

AnnapolisLari:

So have turkey. Or fish. Or chicken for everyone. Or a pork loin.

I don't understand why you're having so many allergenic foods at a meal for people with exactly those allergies. Most of the people on here who have food allergies are always worried about cross-contamination. Having the stuff that people are allergic to seems kind of passive-aggressive, to be honest.

 

ITA with this.  You're just going to make people feel awkward.  There are lots of ways to accommodate the requirements here without descending into martyrdom.  Just make a gluten-free desert.  Not a separate one that he'll then feel obliged to eat.  I've been dairy, soy, egg, meat free at people's houses.  And the people who have not made it a big song and dance are my heroes

Showcase your culinary prowess by  making a meal everyone can enjoy. Not making 72 things so everyone is eating a different dinner. Really, it won't be impressive. Just awkward.

even just the marinade alone.  You can make a gluten free marinade from your fridge! really I think you're being a little ridiculous. 

I offered to make a gluten free marinade when I learned that the bottled marinade I was going to use had gluten. But BIL specifically asked for plain shrimp.

The dessert was my mom's request. I could make another similar dessert for my BIL, or just let him pass up dessert. I chose to make another dessert he can eat.

EastCoastBride

And on the marinade- you don't have to make a marinade.  I'm looking a list right now on my iPad of a number of brands that make gluten free marinade.  Fresh and Easy, Mother's Mountain, Newman's Own, Wegmans (huge list there alone).

I get it that your BIL asked for plain shrimp, that's fine.  But at the start, that's not how you posed it to us.

 

ridesbuttons

4Speedy:

Elise, I have noticed that even when you haven't been around much, you will come back close to holidays to post about how difficult your family is making it to plan a menu.  Your menu always sounds wonderful but also like it is quite a bit of work to do all the shopping and cooking.  When people post suggestions to simplify it, you come up with a dozen reasons why it needs to be so complicated.  Actually, I am thinking you have a Martha Stewart complex.  I think you enjoy your identitiy in your family as being the only person who can pull off the family dinners.  I'll give you props for planning a great dinner for your family dinner.  But at least own up to it.  Don't pretend it's a "nightmare" for you when I think you secretly enjoy the attention you get from people admiring your ability to pull it all off. 

Simplify.  What you have described can easily be covered with fish, veg and potato.  Or pork, veg and potato.

EliseB0323

OK, I give up. Clearly I am trying to kill off my family through cross-contamination of nuts, seafood and gluten. You have seen through my evil plot. Thanks to everyone who offered helpful tips.

joy143dh

Sorry about your mom.  Knowing that she requested fish and you don't like ham, I would suggest this menu:   Ham, white fish or crablegs, potatoes, carrots, rolls, cheesecake and GF buckeyes. 

eclaires

I really think no one is saying that - just that you're making this more difficult than necessary. 

You could do chicken as the main dish for everyone and have shrimp as an appetizer since your mom requested seafood, instead of doing salmon as the main dish and shrimp.  Plus chicken for your son.

But whatever, be a martyr.  Who cares.

AnnapolisLari

You didn't give any of that information in your post.

I still think there's an easier way to do it without it being a 'nightmare'. I have a Jewish friend (no pork or seafood, plus Passover restrictions this week) who eats no dairy or meat (tummy issues) and I still don't have any issues finding things that she can eat. Pretty much any vegan recipe is fine for her.

summerbrideDC

Zenya:

AnnapolisLari:

So have turkey. Or fish. Or chicken for everyone. Or a pork loin.

I don't understand why you're having so many allergenic foods at a meal for people with exactly those allergies. Most of the people on here who have food allergies are always worried about cross-contamination. Having the stuff that people are allergic to seems kind of passive-aggressive, to be honest.

 

ITA with this.  You're just going to make people feel awkward.  There are lots of ways to accommodate the requirements here without descending into martyrdom.  Just make a gluten-free desert.  Not a separate one that he'll then feel obliged to eat.  I've been dairy, soy, egg, meat free at people's houses.  And the people who have not made it a big song and dance are my heroes

Showcase your culinary prowess by  making a meal everyone can enjoy. Not making 72 things so everyone is eating a different dinner. Really, it won't be impressive. Just awkward.

even just the marinade alone.  You can make a gluten free marinade from your fridge! really I think you're being a little ridiculous. 

This.  We had a dinner party this past weekend that had to be red meat-free, dairy free & gluten free and somehow we manage to make a chicken dinner with a lovely salad and vegetables and I made a gluten free dessert & bought coconut milk ice cream to go with it.   Why you would feel you have to cater to every single person's individual needs w/ a separate meal is beyond me, except to assume that you enjoy being the martyr.  

belle204

Why are you always so combative? All points made are valid.

shouldbworkin

I get it.  I have a couple big holidays at my house every year.  I absolutely dread it until it gets closer and I get into it.  I like to make things nice and even though people bring things, the bulk of the work still falls on the host/hostess.  Most people with FAs will bring at least 1 thing they know they can eat, but with cross contaminants it can be really difficult.  I give you credit for trying.  I forget that my sister can't have nuts every.single.time.

EliseB0323

So, when I asked my terminally ill mother what she wanted for Easter dinner and she replied, "Salmon, that couscous pilaf you make with the pine nuts, asparagus, and raspberry cheesecake," was I really supposed to say, "Oh, that will be really hard to do with everyone's allergies. How about we just have chicken, potatoes and carrots? Why make it so hard?" Sure, I COULD make a easier meal, but that's not want my mom wants. I tried to take the menu she wanted and make it work with my family's food issues. I'm not being passive agressive and trying to kill someone with cross-contamination. I'm not playing the martyr, unless you think making a dinner my mom wants is play the martyr, then so be it.

I didn't post this for menu help, although I do appreciate the tips on the gluten-free foods, because that's a new situation for us. I posted it because there are people here who are familiar with my family situation and have been helpful. And because there are people who sympathize with having to host a holiday dinner for people with varius food issues.

EliseB0323

shouldbworkin:

I get it.  I have a couple big holidays at my house every year.  I absolutely dread it until it gets closer and I get into it.  I like to make things nice and even though people bring things, the bulk of the work still falls on the host/hostess.  Most people with FAs will bring at least 1 thing they know they can eat, but with cross contaminants it can be really difficult.  I give you credit for trying.  I forget that my sister can't have nuts every.single.time.

Thanks for this!

AnnapolisLari

Again, none of this is info that you put in your first post. You sound like a martyr in the first post and people were attempting to make suggestions that might make it easier.

Belle is right on the money with the combative thing.

EastCoastBride

Well, first, not everyone on these boards keep tabs on everybody else's specific situations.  I know I don't.  So you have to realize that people are going to respond who don't know your situation or don't remember it.

You want to make a nice meal for your mom. I get that.  I would do the same as you- make her the meal she wants.

BUT - your original post absolutely had a martyr tone to it.  "Look at ALL I have to do to appease ALL these people and their food issues....". 

That may not be how you feel about it, but that's how it reads.

Zenya

EastCoastBride:

Well, first, not everyone on these boards keep tabs on everybody else's specific situations.  I know I don't.  So you have to realize that people are going to respond who don't know your situation or don't remember it.

You want to make a nice meal for your mom. I get that.  I would do the same as you- make her the meal she wants.

BUT - your original post absolutely had a martyr tone to it.  "Look at ALL I have to do to appease ALL these people and their food issues....". 

That may not be how you feel about it, but that's how it reads.

Exactly.  If your OP said something like "It's my mom's last Easter and she wants a specific menu but it's allergen ridden.  So awkward for the rest of the guests!" then you'd have gotten an entirely different response. 

DandelionMom

Sounds like my family!  We have 3 celiacs, a vegetarian, 3 with lactose intolerance, 2 with pepper allergies, a diabetic, one with a low-purine diet, and someone with gall bladder issues necesitating a low fat meal. 

We're impossible to feed. 

Good luck!  I sympathize! 

EliseB0323

DandelionMom:

Sounds like my family!  We have 3 celiacs, a vegetarian, 3 with lactose intolerance, 2 with pepper allergies, a diabetic, one with a low-purine diet, and someone with gall bladder issues necesitating a low fat meal. 

We're impossible to feed. 

Good luck!  I sympathize! 

Wow!  What does your family eat on Thanksgiving? (I didn't know people were allergic to pepper.)

DandelionMom

Pretty much everyone makes something they like that is safe for them and we add those to the traditional foods. 

They can have pepper-shaker-pepper but not jalapenos, bell peppers, etc. 

Luckily everyone has a good sense of humor about it all! 

EdithBouvierBeale

your life is immeasurably complicated in every way.

I am so so sorry.

DandelionMom

EdithBouvierBeale:

your life is immeasurably complicated in every way.

I am so so sorry.

Dude!

EdithBouvierBeale

DandelionMom:

EdithBouvierBeale:

your life is immeasurably complicated in every way.

I am so so sorry.

Dude!

I was talking about Elise!! not you- buttface, although yours is sounding a bit complicated as well..