How's DH Responding?

kimeve

Ok. So I don't want to be the one that always has a DH problem, but I need insight. I'm 25, DH is about to be 27. This is our first child. It's an unplanned pregnancy. I understand that it's different for us as women because we feel our babies and they are with us 24/7, so we think about them 24/7. I've heard men don't really become dads until they actually see the baby in real life. My DH is continuing to act like we did before I was pregnant: drinking, hanging out, etc. He's great at doing work type stuff (he got the baby's room all ready, and is now remodeling the guest/baby's future bathroom), but he's not really there emotionally there for me. He keeps telling me to "hang in there" like it's all going to go back to like it was after I'm done with the pregnancy. 

So, any of you who are having "surprise babies" how is your DH acting?

Does anyone have any sort of advice? TIA!

MommaA117

I  think you got it exactly right. It won't totally hit him until baby is here.

While my DH has done tons and always says he cannot wait for his baby to be here I can tell he is not as consumed with her as I am. I think about her every waking minute and talk about her all the time. While he does bring her up it's mostly me...

Just wait. He will soon realize that life is going to be totally different and switch modes as you already have.

sunset+skies

Ours was a wanted surprise - we were half-a$$ed TTC, but expected it to take a few months, not just 6 weeks, so DH definitely WASN'T in the mind frame to expect a baby.

 For the most part, he's been really supportive, but every now and again he says or does something that he doesn't realize is insensitive, but it's usually because he truly doesn't understand how huge a deal it is to have a person growing inside me.

Syncronicity09

So, I think my pregnancy hormones are making me a bit hostile, my first thought was "kick him in the balls." Seriously, wth? But really, we planned this pregnancy, but MH has said that it doesn't seem real to him either, that he loves the baby, but it still seems surreal. We, as mothers, get reminders of our babies all day long, making it real since the first morning we spent sick, they go about their days just like they always have. Honestly there are still some days where it still doesn't seem real to me. I think he fact that he has worked on the babies room ,etc. is a good sign.

folkfemme

Our little guy is a HUGE surprise. DH & I have been together for 5 years this May. We NEVER expected to have biological children. We always talked about adopting, but that was something we talked about doing in possibly 5 + years. 

The crazy thing about me is that I had my first period when I was in grade 11. And I have never had another one since. I've been through countless tests, etc. I was told by 2 physicians that it would be damn near impossible for me to conceive naturally. That being said - DH and I were SHOCKED (to say the very least) when I threw up at Thanksgiving and my sister talked me into taking a pregnancy test... which was obviously positive.  

All in all, he is taking it really well. We actually had a pretty crap time the first few months, until we both wrapped our heads around it. I would have to say that he has just started initiating baby related conversations though. He does still go out with his friends, but I know they are like his brothers to him. I usually go with him and come home at about 10. If he wants to stay later, I usually understand. (Usually...)

He has plans to go out tonight & for some reason, I'm sort of pissed off about it today. (Last night when he "asked") I was more than fine with it. Go figure. 

just kita

Our baby was a surprise too, and my DH isn't doting over me, but that's really because of his personality, and nothing to do with our surprise.

DH has never been a touchy/feely/sentimental guy and didn't suddenly become one when I got pregnant. There are times I wish he would ohh and ahh over the baby kicking or the little outfits I buy, but honestly thats not the guy I fell in love with so I just leave him be.

sunset+skies

just kita:

Our baby was a surprise too, and my DH isn't doting over me, but that's really because of his personality, and nothing to do with our surprise.

DH has never been a touchy/feely/sentimental guy and didn't suddenly become one when I got pregnant. There are times I wish he would ohh and ahh over the baby kicking or the little outfits I buy, but honestly thats not the guy I fell in love with so I just leave him be.

Haha, same here. I married a big, rough, tough redneck. I'm amazed when he gets even the slightest bit emotional over baby things!

ashleah83

Our baby was planned and MH is 40 yrs old but he's still acting like your husband! Ha :-)  Some guys are just more sensitive, ready or something than others, I guess.

Rachel5782

It's totally true that men won't really understand what we're really going through.  We do get reminders of our LO CONSTANTLY all day... movements in our belly, achiness, our entire center of gravity has changed, not to mention we're emotional messes.   My DH has been as understanding as I believe he's capable of.  I think for men, the act of getting the house ready, is how they cope and prepare for the changes... vs. getting all mushy like we do.  I am constantly letting him know when the baby has hiccups, or is stuck in my ribs, or rolling around in there.  It's not that he doesnt' care, he just doesn't find it as interesting, because he's not experiencing it firsthand.  However, I know once our son arrives, he's going to want to dive headfirst into parenthood.  During breakfast this morning, he was already trying to figure out how to change his work hours to make sure he can get home in time to spend quality time with him before bedtime.

Ambeerose

Our pregnancy was planned and we have one ds already. My husband doesn't even act like I'm pregnant most days. He has to see it to get it type of thing. I told him this son won't even know who he is because he hasn't "interacted" with my belly or much of anything this time around. Some men just don't comprehend the situation until baby arrives since they don't have constant reminders of baby.

kimeve

Thanks ladies! I feel better. Hoping "Daddy" kicks in at birth!