What is your opinion?

jcornelius07

My SIL is pregnant, unfortanetly, but that is another story. SIL has one son that she had with a guy she was dating, but that ended. She is now married and is expecting her second child. Her DS is 4 and this baby is a girl. She pretty much ruined alot of the stuff that she had with DS. So she really doesn't have anything for DD. Her in-laws told her that it is perfectly fine to have a baby shower, because this is her and her DH's first kid together, and because it is a girl.

I totally disagree with this. I would not want or expect another shower if I get pregnant again and it is a boy this time. SIL has always been the type that it all has to be about her and she expects so much, like everybody owes her. She asked her friends on Facebook what their opinions were and they all mostly agreed that it was fine. She then preceded to say that she also agrees with them, and that anybody that doesn't agree just won't get invited. Which I could care less if I am invited or not.

So what is your thoughts on baby showers for a second kid?

MrsG NC

Meh, I wouldn't have one but to each his own...

Has anyone even offered to throw her one? Throwing one for yourself is tacky IMO. 

Taryn M

I think it's totally fine to have a second shower. Especially since it's been 4 years since her first AND this one is a girl. The only time I disagree a little is when someone planned their second child shortly after the first and they throw a big shower registering for a bunch of stuff they should have kept from the first...but even then a "diaper shower" where people bring just diapers/clothes is acceptable.  

 ETA - I do agree that throwing your own shower is really tacky.

MrsQueale

I see nothing wrong. If friends and family are ok with throwing her one then that's great. It's their choice.

That being said. I requested no shower for #2. Instead I threw a ladies luncheon for my close friends to meet Kirstin. No gifts were expected but people love buying things for babies.

LittleGus

I personally feel like baby showers for a second child are tacky, but like pp said, to each their own.

Ananke

I wouldn't have a problem with it unless she's throwing it herself.  I think a "meet the baby" party might be more appropriate though.  I guess my feelings are that she should get to celebrate the arrival of the second one as much as the first, but shouldn't expect many gifts.

Libby1978

I had another shower with DS, but my other 2 kids are 12.  So there was no possible way I had anything left from them.  That being said, I didn't expect a shower & really didn't think I would have one.  My aunt decided she wanted to throw me one.  I was genuinely surprised & grateful! 

BLONDRAVYN124

Taryn M:

I think it's totally fine to have a second shower. Especially since it's been 4 years since her first AND this one is a girl. The only time I disagree a little is when someone planned their second child shortly after the first and they throw a big shower registering for a bunch of stuff they should have kept from the first...but even then a "diaper shower" where people bring just diapers/clothes is acceptable.  

 ETA - I do agree that throwing your own shower is really tacky.

Agree with all of THIS.

Soter1

In her situation I think it is totally fine.  her DS will be almost 5 (you cant re-use car seats etc) and her new DH's family will want to celebrate this baby and shower it with gifts, and it is a girl.  I think it is acceptable.  Now, if it were my situation (below) then I think a second shower is tacky.  I did get a few little parties though and some gifts.

emilydholmes1

rochella:

Maybe I'll be the lone dissenter, but 

1.) I think you're being unnecessarily judgmental - so what if she had two kids by different dads?  She seems married and with a stable lifestyle now.

2.) I don't feel any sort of second shower is tacky as long as someone else offers to throw you one and you don't throw one for yourself.  Especially for second children, especially for more than 2 years apart, especially for different genders.  

I don't think, and will not ask, for big ticket items for a second baby ever again - but I dunno, I think it's a little sad that a second baby won't be celebrated as much as the first - and I'm a firstborn! 

3.) I think you should be gracious and maybe offer to throw her a little "sprinkle" shower.

I don't think it really has anything to do with the child. It is about celebrating the mother really and that is where it gets into tackyland if you have more than one. It depends but there is no reason why you can't celebrate baby #2, 3 and whatever with sprinkle showers to meet the baby get togethers after the birth. I don't think you should equate baby shower or no baby shower with how much celebration will be happening for the child.

hopecounts

1) If it's either parent's first child I think a shower is ok. They should get the first time parent experience including a shower. Plus I'm sure his family will want to celebrate his first baby.

2) It's ALWAYS tacky to throw your own shower so that applies in this situation.

3) If it's been ~5 yrs since child 1 many things need to be replaced due to safety concerns so I think it's appropriate in that situation as well. If her son is 4 many of his things may need replacing (carseat as mentioned above being one)

JDO

My brother's wife had 3 kids from previous relationships. When she and my brother got pregnant together my family wanted to have a small shower for them because it was my brother's first child.

I think having a big invite-everyone-you-know gift grabby shower is tacky, but a small shower with her ILs family is just fine.

jcornelius07

rochella:

Maybe I'll be the lone dissenter, but 

1.) I think you're being unnecessarily judgmental - so what if she had two kids by different dads?  She seems married and with a stable lifestyle now.

2.) I don't feel any sort of second shower is tacky as long as someone else offers to throw you one and you don't throw one for yourself.  Especially for second children, especially for more than 2 years apart, especially for different genders.  

I don't think, and will not ask, for big ticket items for a second baby ever again - but I dunno, I think it's a little sad that a second baby won't be celebrated as much as the first - and I'm a firstborn! 

3.) I think you should be gracious and maybe offer to throw her a little "sprinkle" shower.

I don't feel like I need to throw her one. She can't afford to pay for the kid that she already has, and can't pay for most of the bills that she has, but yet it was a great idea to have her Mirena taken out and get pregnant. She is the one that decided to do this, so she should not expect everyone to buy tons of stuff, just because she can't afford to. She is always on Facebook complaing about not having money, and not knowing how she is going to pay the bills and get stuff for this baby. She could have saved alot of things from her DS that was gender neutral, but she decided to just let it all get ruined when she moved. And I am not judging her just because she is going to have 2 kids with two different guys. The first realtionship would have never worked because they were both hot tempered and always fighting. I feel like she thinks because her in-laws want to have a shower for her that all of her family should pitch in also. The way I see it I helped with her first shower and me and one of her friends did and paid for everything with her bridal shower. I think it is time for her in-laws to contribute to something.

shakes

Generally no, but it does depend on circumstances. I've been to second baby showers and I was fine with it. In this case, a "Pink" shower would be lovely, but a full on shower...not so much.

jcornelius07

hopecounts:

1) If it's either parent's first child I think a shower is ok. They should get the first time parent experience including a shower. Plus I'm sure his family will want to celebrate his first baby.

2) It's ALWAYS tacky to throw your own shower so that applies in this situation.

3) If it's been ~5 yrs since child 1 many things need to be replaced due to safety concerns so I think it's appropriate in that situation as well. If her son is 4 many of his things may need replacing (carseat as mentioned above being one)

It is not his first kid either.

hopecounts

jcornelius07:

hopecounts:

1) If it's either parent's first child I think a shower is ok. They should get the first time parent experience including a shower. Plus I'm sure his family will want to celebrate his first baby.

2) It's ALWAYS tacky to throw your own shower so that applies in this situation.

3) If it's been ~5 yrs since child 1 many things need to be replaced due to safety concerns so I think it's appropriate in that situation as well. If her son is 4 many of his things may need replacing (carseat as mentioned above being one)

It is not his first kid either.

Ah, still doesn't change #3 though so in my opinion it's ok, if slightly more irritating.

MrsG NC

jcornelius07:

rochella:

Maybe I'll be the lone dissenter, but 

1.) I think you're being unnecessarily judgmental - so what if she had two kids by different dads?  She seems married and with a stable lifestyle now.

2.) I don't feel any sort of second shower is tacky as long as someone else offers to throw you one and you don't throw one for yourself.  Especially for second children, especially for more than 2 years apart, especially for different genders.  

I don't think, and will not ask, for big ticket items for a second baby ever again - but I dunno, I think it's a little sad that a second baby won't be celebrated as much as the first - and I'm a firstborn! 

3.) I think you should be gracious and maybe offer to throw her a little "sprinkle" shower.

I don't feel like I need to throw her one. She can't afford to pay for the kid that she already has, and can't pay for most of the bills that she has, but yet it was a great idea to have her Mirena taken out and get pregnant. She is the one that decided to do this, so she should not expect everyone to buy tons of stuff, just because she can't afford to. She is always on Facebook complaing about not having money, and not knowing how she is going to pay the bills and get stuff for this baby. She could have saved alot of things from her DS that was gender neutral, but she decided to just let it all get ruined when she moved. And I am not judging her just because she is going to have 2 kids with two different guys. The first realtionship would have never worked because they were both hot tempered and always fighting. I feel like she thinks because her in-laws want to have a shower for her that all of her family should pitch in also. The way I see it I helped with her first shower and me and one of her friends did and paid for everything with her bridal shower. I think it is time for her in-laws to contribute to something.

So the issue isn't really is it appropriate to have a second shower, it's more of a vent on how she shouldn't have gotten KU? Ok, in that case..whats done is done. She can't change it now so if you feel like she needs to be more responsible then you should take that up with her. If you don't want to help her out, it is simple..don't.

MrsQueale

jcornelius07:

rochella:

Maybe I'll be the lone dissenter, but 

1.) I think you're being unnecessarily judgmental - so what if she had two kids by different dads?  She seems married and with a stable lifestyle now.

2.) I don't feel any sort of second shower is tacky as long as someone else offers to throw you one and you don't throw one for yourself.  Especially for second children, especially for more than 2 years apart, especially for different genders.  

I don't think, and will not ask, for big ticket items for a second baby ever again - but I dunno, I think it's a little sad that a second baby won't be celebrated as much as the first - and I'm a firstborn! 

3.) I think you should be gracious and maybe offer to throw her a little "sprinkle" shower.

I don't feel like I need to throw her one. She can't afford to pay for the kid that she already has, and can't pay for most of the bills that she has, but yet it was a great idea to have her Mirena taken out and get pregnant. She is the one that decided to do this, so she should not expect everyone to buy tons of stuff, just because she can't afford to. She is always on Facebook complaing about not having money, and not knowing how she is going to pay the bills and get stuff for this baby. She could have saved alot of things from her DS that was gender neutral, but she decided to just let it all get ruined when she moved. And I am not judging her just because she is going to have 2 kids with two different guys. The first realtionship would have never worked because they were both hot tempered and always fighting. I feel like she thinks because her in-laws want to have a shower for her that all of her family should pitch in also. The way I see it I helped with her first shower and me and one of her friends did and paid for everything with her bridal shower. I think it is time for her in-laws to contribute to something.

Yes, she made a poor choice. So what your trying to say is that this baby doesn't deserve help?

If she is so bad with money, you should be happy people are willing to soften the financial blow by helping out. Every little bit helps.

There is also no point complaining about something that has happened and can't be changed.

emilydholmes1

MrsG NC:

jcornelius07:

rochella:

Maybe I'll be the lone dissenter, but 

1.) I think you're being unnecessarily judgmental - so what if she had two kids by different dads?  She seems married and with a stable lifestyle now.

2.) I don't feel any sort of second shower is tacky as long as someone else offers to throw you one and you don't throw one for yourself.  Especially for second children, especially for more than 2 years apart, especially for different genders.  

I don't think, and will not ask, for big ticket items for a second baby ever again - but I dunno, I think it's a little sad that a second baby won't be celebrated as much as the first - and I'm a firstborn! 

3.) I think you should be gracious and maybe offer to throw her a little "sprinkle" shower.

I don't feel like I need to throw her one. She can't afford to pay for the kid that she already has, and can't pay for most of the bills that she has, but yet it was a great idea to have her Mirena taken out and get pregnant. She is the one that decided to do this, so she should not expect everyone to buy tons of stuff, just because she can't afford to. She is always on Facebook complaing about not having money, and not knowing how she is going to pay the bills and get stuff for this baby. She could have saved alot of things from her DS that was gender neutral, but she decided to just let it all get ruined when she moved. And I am not judging her just because she is going to have 2 kids with two different guys. The first realtionship would have never worked because they were both hot tempered and always fighting. I feel like she thinks because her in-laws want to have a shower for her that all of her family should pitch in also. The way I see it I helped with her first shower and me and one of her friends did and paid for everything with her bridal shower. I think it is time for her in-laws to contribute to something.

So the issue isn't really is it appropriate to have a second shower, it's more of a vent on how she shouldn't have gotten KU? Ok, in that case..whats done is done. She can't change it now so if you feel like she needs to be more responsible then you should take that up with her. If you don't want to help her out, it is simple..don't.

Exactly this. You hit the nail on the head. OP why didn't you just say that from the beginning?

Mt2G1012

rochella:

I don't think, and will not ask, for big ticket items for a second baby ever again - but I dunno, I think it's a little sad that a second baby won't be celebrated as much as the first - and I'm a firstborn! 

I COMPLETELY agree with this.  It made me really sad when I was doing DD's baby book that I might not have anything to put on the 2nd LO's Baby Shower page.  Bump pics, friends and family celebrating a new life.  I think it is stupid to NOT have a shower for the 2nd LO.  I would however, have whoever is throwing it, put on the invites "NO GIFTS."  I didn't even want anything at my first shower just to celebrate my child I had wanted for so long. Gifts were nice, but it wouldn't have made one bit of difference if I didn't get anything.  I hope someone would throw me a 2nd shower/sprinkle/what the heck ever to celebrate my 2nd child's life as much as they did the first.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

RobinSparkles214

Meh, If someone actually offered to throw her one I think it's fine. That kind of stuff doesn't bother me.

Now if it were her 4th child in 5 years and she was throwing it for herself, I would think it was strange. In most (not all) cases I think it is ok to let someone host a second shower for you if they want to.

 

delg23

I didn't have a shower for my first because I live far away from friends and family and it just wasn't feasible. [Just so you know where I am coming from] But I do not get this you can't have a shower for the second one. Nobody I know IRL feels this way. A baby shower to me is a celebration of a new child and I think its wrong that someone can't have a shower. And its not like they have everything. My stepsister is having one and I didn't bat an eye at it.

jamiemsmith

If you don't want to throw her one, don't. It's also up to you whether you attend. I was not a fan of my cousin getting his girlfriend KU, so I didn't go. I sent a card instead.

I don't think there's anything wrong with showers for the second child. Here, if the children are close together, there will generally just be a "celebration" where a bunch of ladies get together and bring small gifts.

I really hate the idea that though you have two kids close in age, you don't need some new things. That doesn't make sense to me.

jcornelius07

I understand where all of you are coming from, and maybe I do sound like a b****. I will admit that I have anger towards her also. I just worry that her DS is going to suffer once she has this baby. She already doesn't pay that much attention to him, and I am just afraid that he will suffer even more. I feel like she got pregnant because she wanted to be back as the center of attention. It is not that I feel like the baby doesn't deserve anything, because she does. And I plan on buying the baby stuff once she arrives. But as hard strapped as they are for money, I worry that some of gifts she would get at a second shower would be returned by her for money to pay bills. I would hope she would never do this, but you never know with her. I do like your ideas on a "meet the baby" party. Then it would be about the baby and not as much about the mom.

shakes

jcornelius07:

I worry that some of gifts she would get at a second shower would be returned by her for money to pay bills. I would hope she would never do this, but you never know with her.

Better this than crack or a stripper pole.