When you decided to get married...

write2nicole

Did you think about what kind of father your DH would be?

That was actually a big deal to me. I knew women whose husbands were absolutely no help with the kids, and it seemed like it would be easier for them to be single moms. (One in particular has since discovered that, in many ways, it is easier.) I had decided that I didn't want kids if it meant that kind of life. I just couldn't do it.

When DH and I started dating, I realized that he was, possibly, the only person I would consider having children with because I could tell he would be an active participant in our family -- in terms of real help, not just as a "fun dad." And he is.

Honestly, it's kinda hard for me to see post after post about women with husbands who don't help at all, and balk if they are asked to watch the baby for an hour. Surely there must have been some sign of this before the wedding.

Was I just especially conscious of it because of the experiences of those around me? Or did you think about this stuff, too?

sillypit

Absolutely, and he's amazing, even better than I ever imagined. 

emilydholmes1

write2nicole:

Did you think about what kind of father your DH would be?

That was actually a big deal to me. I knew women whose husbands were absolutely no help with the kids, and it seemed like it would be easier for them to be single moms. (One in particular has since discovered that, in many ways, it is easier.) I had decided that I didn't want kids if it meant that kind of life. I just couldn't do it.

When DH and I started dating, I realized that he was, possibly, the only person I would consider having children with because I could tell he would be an active participant in our family -- in terms of real help, not just as a "fun dad." And he is.

Honestly, it's kinda hard for me to see post after post about women with husbands who don't help at all, and balk if they are asked to watch the baby for an hour. Surely there must have been some sign of this before the wedding.

Was I just especially conscious of it because of the experiences of those around me? Or did you think about this stuff, too?

Agreed. There is no way I would marry a man that I didn't think would be a good father. It's ridiculous that if you knew you wanted to have kids, you wouldn't consider this. It's something I wasn't going to settle on.

sodelish

Yes, absolutely. And, he's awesome. I can't imagine having anyone else as my baby daddy.

SarahWaggy

No matter what happens between my husband and I (long story), he is an AMAZING father and the only man I would ever want to have kids with (after they are born, he was lazy during my pregnancy, lol).

jamiemsmith

I really never imagined myself having children, but I knew DH was the one when I realized if I did have kids I would want them with him. It was also important as my father wasn't much of a participant in my life when I was a child. DH is amazing and he's a great dad now and will be when DS is older.  

bekah22587@hotmail.com

To be honest I never really gave it to much thought when we were dateing bc we were young(met at 9 messed around when where were 15-16 started really dating at 18 engaged at 19 moved in togther at 20 married at 21) . WE knew WE wanted kids and we did talk about it and even tried to get preg before we got married(i wasnt sure if i really wanted to get married or just be one of those couples who was together forever and never had the peice of paper). We only got married bc it was better for us tax wise and i could carry him on my ins and it was cheaper. I knew he would be a good dad and he is. I SAH and he's and EMT so yes I do more baby related "chores" but he handles bathtime and putting DS to bed when he is home.

emilydholmes1

bekah22587@hotmail.com:

To be honest I never really gave it to much thought when we were dateing bc we were young(met at 9 messed around when where were 15-16 started really dating at 18 engaged at 19 moved in togther at 20 married at 21) . WE knew WE wanted kids and we did talk about it and even tried to get preg before we got married(i wasnt sure if i really wanted to get married or just be one of those couples who was together forever and never had the peice of paper). We only got married bc it was better for us tax wise and i could carry him on my ins and it was cheaper. I knew he would be a good dad and he is. I SAH and he's and EMT so yes I do more baby related "chores" but he handles bathtime and putting DS to bed when he is home.

Wait are you saying you married him because it helps your taxes and he gets cheaper insurance? That's not a reason to marry.

snansley

DH was 34 and I was 29 when we got married so we had plenty of friends who already had kids and were examples of good and not so good parents..  We had lots of discussions about what kind of parents we wanted to be and what our expectations were from each other.  I knew he would be a great dad and he is.  Sure it takes some work and communication to keep it running smoothly (most days) but overall we have always been on the same page.

PeonyParty

My husband and I met while working with kids so there was no doubt in my mind that he'd do a good job if we did decide to have children. And he is much more amazing with our kid than I ever imagined.

I agree I can't stand women constantly complaining about how terrible their spouses are (random venting every now and then is fine). What irks me more are the women who complain that their SO's are awful but are actively trying to have kids with them. You think it sucks now?

SweetPeanis

Oh yeah.  He was amazing with all of the kids in his family and my family and our friends kids.  I knew he was going to be a stellar father and I was right.

peakboo5

I wouldn't have married or had a child with my DH if I didn't think he was going to be a good/active father. So yes, I thought about it too.

LinnyAnne10

Yes I did wonder. 

Actually that is what made me fall in even more love with him, was watching him with his niece, my favorite picture I got of him was him reading to his niece and nephew.  He is a wonderful man, and is going to be a wonderful father. The first two weeks when DH was home, I barely held Isaac, DH held him all the time. 

write2nicole

ArmyMomMom10:

Yes I did wonder. 

Actually that is what made me fall in even more love with him, was watching him with his niece, my favorite picture I got of him was him reading to his niece and nephew.  He is a wonderful man, and is going to be a wonderful father. The first two weeks when DH was home, I barely held Isaac, DH held him all the time. 

It sounds like he already is a wonderful father.

MrsQueale

DH was already a father when we got married. We had Makayla when I was 18. If he had of been a crappy dad then I wouldn't of married him. eta: I am very happy that I lucked out with H. I love knowing my girls have a father who is active in their life. And would move heaven and earth for them. The role of a father is very important.

bstrangely

emilydholmes1:

bekah22587@hotmail.com:

To be honest I never really gave it to much thought when we were dateing bc we were young(met at 9 messed around when where were 15-16 started really dating at 18 engaged at 19 moved in togther at 20 married at 21) . WE knew WE wanted kids and we did talk about it and even tried to get preg before we got married(i wasnt sure if i really wanted to get married or just be one of those couples who was together forever and never had the peice of paper). We only got married bc it was better for us tax wise and i could carry him on my ins and it was cheaper. I knew he would be a good dad and he is. I SAH and he's and EMT so yes I do more baby related "chores" but he handles bathtime and putting DS to bed when he is home.

Wait are you saying you married him because it helps your taxes and he gets cheaper insurance? That's not a reason to marry.

sure it is. my husband and i were together 10 years before we got married. if the ceremony substantially changed your relationship then i guess i don't understand. we were committed to each other long before we registered for china or exchanged any vows.

we finally got married because we moved to another state and were staying with his family while he went to school and we saved for an apartment and my mother was afraid he'd get hit by a bus and i'd be left homeless far from any family. romantic, i know!

emilydholmes1

bstrangely:

emilydholmes1:

bekah22587@hotmail.com:

To be honest I never really gave it to much thought when we were dateing bc we were young(met at 9 messed around when where were 15-16 started really dating at 18 engaged at 19 moved in togther at 20 married at 21) . WE knew WE wanted kids and we did talk about it and even tried to get preg before we got married(i wasnt sure if i really wanted to get married or just be one of those couples who was together forever and never had the peice of paper). We only got married bc it was better for us tax wise and i could carry him on my ins and it was cheaper. I knew he would be a good dad and he is. I SAH and he's and EMT so yes I do more baby related "chores" but he handles bathtime and putting DS to bed when he is home.

Wait are you saying you married him because it helps your taxes and he gets cheaper insurance? That's not a reason to marry.

sure it is. my husband and i were together 10 years before we got married. if the ceremony substantially changed your relationship then i guess i don't understand. we were committed to each other long before we registered for china or exchanged any vows.

we finally got married because we moved to another state and were staying with his family while he went to school and we saved for an apartment and my mother was afraid he'd get hit by a bus and i'd be left homeless far from any family. romantic, i know!

wait what? are you for real about your mother? that is hilarious.

...and the ceremony did substantially change our relationship. We never lived together before marriage for starters.

I get what you are saying about already being committed and not needing a ceremony but I didn't get that vibe from the PP.

LadyDelilah

Yes, it was a main qualification for me

MJHershey

Yes most definitely... I think it's important to consider that. 

I saw him with my nephews and it warmed my heart, He has surpassed any expectations.

DreadLoc

I figured it out before we even go engaged.  I would see him with my 1 y/o niece and 2 y/o cousin and could tell he just absolutely LOVED taking care of them.  When we went out of state to visit his family, he was in heaven taking care of his 1 y/o twin brothers and 6 y/o brother.  You could just see the joy on his face when he was with them.  So after that we started talking about how we plan on raising kids and we agreed on nearly everything.  

I wouldn't have married him if we didn't see eye to eye. 

l0613p

I thought about it from the time we started dating.  I knew I wanted kids one day.  We pretty much talked about getting married 6 months after we started dating.  Once we started talking about it, I thought more about the type of father he would be. 

I knew that he would be a good dad.  However, he has totally gone above and beyond what I thought he would be.  I'm so glad my son has him for a dad.  I know DH will ALWAYS be there for my son and be the father he needs to be to him.  We're both very lucky to have DH in our lives.

brittlandk

emilydholmes1:

bstrangely:

emilydholmes1:

bekah22587@hotmail.com:

To be honest I never really gave it to much thought when we were dateing bc we were young(met at 9 messed around when where were 15-16 started really dating at 18 engaged at 19 moved in togther at 20 married at 21) . WE knew WE wanted kids and we did talk about it and even tried to get preg before we got married(i wasnt sure if i really wanted to get married or just be one of those couples who was together forever and never had the peice of paper). We only got married bc it was better for us tax wise and i could carry him on my ins and it was cheaper. I knew he would be a good dad and he is. I SAH and he's and EMT so yes I do more baby related "chores" but he handles bathtime and putting DS to bed when he is home.

Wait are you saying you married him because it helps your taxes and he gets cheaper insurance? That's not a reason to marry.

sure it is. my husband and i were together 10 years before we got married. if the ceremony substantially changed your relationship then i guess i don't understand. we were committed to each other long before we registered for china or exchanged any vows.

we finally got married because we moved to another state and were staying with his family while he went to school and we saved for an apartment and my mother was afraid he'd get hit by a bus and i'd be left homeless far from any family. romantic, i know!

wait what? are you for real about your mother? that is hilarious.

...and the ceremony did substantially change our relationship. We never lived together before marriage for starters.

I get what you are saying about already being committed and not needing a ceremony but I didn't get that vibe from the PP.

Yes, that's exactly what she said.  From the underlined text, they were clearly committed before deciding to get married.