Student's parent e-mailed to ask if I'm pregnant

704bride

I teach kindergarten.  A parent e-mailed me yesterday saying her daughter wasn't sure if she heard correctly, but thought I said I was pregnant.  I didn't confirm or deny, but said that she was probably thinking of me mentioning my sister having her first baby this month (true).  I wonder what I would've said if I wasn't pregnant right now because it would've been a lot harder to see that e-mail!

rock-elle

Hmm, even if her daughter brought it up, why would she need to email you about it?

itsmegin

Why are people so nosey?! I don't have kids yet but I can't imagine even caring if my kid's teacher was pregnant unless we were close friends. Even then I think the appropriate thing to do is to wait until they tell you. People are so irritating.

StephK86

That is really obnoxious! I don't understand why it's her concern if you are or not. It's not like you stood in front of the class and explained how babies are made!

jerriesgirl

rock-elle:

Hmm, even if her daughter brought it up, why would she need to email you about it?

Exactly, why is it even any of her business?

Bride2b2004

Goodness, why is everyone so nasty?  It's nosy to follow-up on something your 5 year old was told in school?  

As a parent of a 4yo, when he comes home with a confusing or convoluted story, I ask his preschool teacher about it.  I don't want him running around telling everyone (because that is what little children do) his teacher is having a baby when she isn't.  And those kinds of announcements spur a ton of questions at home.   Anything told to my child in school is my business.  And if she feels the need to announce her pg to the class (which would be weird unless she is in the 3rd tri and the belly is spurring questions or she will be out and her absence needs explanation), I wouldn't hesitate to ask about it and congratulate her.  

camdenfaithful

Yes, it is nosy.  Very much so.

The way I look at it is like this....if I have a relationship with the person and we talk every day or even every now and then, then go ahead and ask.  If I don't have a relationship with that person and I get a random email out of the blue or they come up and ask, yes that's nosy.  There is no existing relationship there, so what is the point in them asking?  Why do they need to know? 

And I guess having been through a loss and knowing what it was like to be very guarded with my pregnancy, I figure if there is a rumor going around, but I have not heard it from the person's mouth, then there's probably a reason why.

iluvmylab

Way out of line for a parent to do that.  I'm a teacher to and you know what I would have done with that email?  DELETE!  I wouldn't even have responded to such nonsense.

HadleyS

I used to teach kindergarten, and we all (me, parents, and kids) were kind of like a close knit family.  Of course, it was a private, Catholic school, so that must factor in to it somewhere.  Anyway, I could totally see at least a few of those moms asking me that question if their child came home and talked about it.  It would have been because they are excited though, and I don't think I would take offense to the inquiry.  I guess it's because us Catholics are known for having large families!  There was always a parent in the hallway with a baby on her hip or one in a stroller at that school!

If she was just genuinely interested and really likes you, I am sure she meant no harm or hassle.  If she was just nosy and wanted some gossip, that's another story!

iluvmylab

I don't think people should ever ask anyone if they are pregnant, but that's just my opinion.  I hated when we were struggling TTC and people would ask me this because I didn't feel well or I had a dr. appointment.  It was very hurtful and made the pain of not being able to get pregnant even worse.  I know they meant no harm, but you just never know what someone may be dealing with.  Pregnancy is very personal and each person should be able to share their news when they are good and ready, not because they are being pressured or asked.

damabo80

Wow...that's pretty ballsy of her. Makes me wonder what important thing she was going to do with that information (if you said you were), that it required a direct email to you to ask?

jess252

Thats rude, what a personal question. Some people just cant mind thier own bussines. I dont see why it matters if you are pregnant or not. As long as my child was having a good experience at shool it wouldnt matter to me.  Good for you not answering. I cant imagine ever doing that. If my 4yo came home from preK and said something like that, i would just tell her i didnt know, and that unless the teacher told her she was pregnant it probably wasnt true.. Then leave it at that.

damabo80

Bride2b2004:

Goodness, why is everyone so nasty?  It's nosy to follow-up on something your 5 year old was told in school?  

As a parent of a 4yo, when he comes home with a confusing or convoluted story, I ask his preschool teacher about it.  I don't want him running around telling everyone (because that is what little children do) his teacher is having a baby when she isn't.  And those kinds of announcements spur a ton of questions at home.   Anything told to my child in school is my business.  And if she feels the need to announce her pg to the class (which would be weird unless she is in the 3rd tri and the belly is spurring questions or she will be out and her absence needs explanation), I wouldn't hesitate to ask about it and congratulate her.  

OK...but WHY is it so important that you know if she has something growing in her ute? How is that going to affect YOUR daily life so much that you would feel the need to ask someone (who doesn't look PG) if they are PG? The OP is 8 weeks along...I doubt she looks like she's in the 3rd tri right now and you would be concerned about her mat leave replacement.

Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that the parents get a free pass to act like a douche and say whatever is coming out of their head without a filter.

camdenfaithful

iluvmylab:

I don't think people should ever ask anyone if they are pregnant, but that's just my opinion.  I hated when we were struggling TTC and people would ask me this because I didn't feel well or I had a dr. appointment.  It was very hurtful and made the pain of not being able to get pregnant even worse.  I know they meant no harm, but you just never know what someone may be dealing with.  Pregnancy is very personal and each person should be able to share their news when they are good and ready, not because they are being pressured or asked.

I totally agree with everything you said here!!

ColleenS629

damabo80:

Bride2b2004:

Goodness, why is everyone so nasty?  It's nosy to follow-up on something your 5 year old was told in school?  

As a parent of a 4yo, when he comes home with a confusing or convoluted story, I ask his preschool teacher about it.  I don't want him running around telling everyone (because that is what little children do) his teacher is having a baby when she isn't.  And those kinds of announcements spur a ton of questions at home.   Anything told to my child in school is my business.  And if she feels the need to announce her pg to the class (which would be weird unless she is in the 3rd tri and the belly is spurring questions or she will be out and her absence needs explanation), I wouldn't hesitate to ask about it and congratulate her.  

OK...but WHY is it so important that you know if she has something growing in her ute? How is that going to affect YOUR daily life so much that you would feel the need to ask someone (who doesn't look PG) if they are PG? The OP is 8 weeks along...I doubt she looks like she's in the 3rd tri right now and you would be concerned about her mat leave replacement.

Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that the parents get a free pass to act like a douche and say whatever is coming out of their head without a filter.

All of this. It is just plain RUDE to ask someone if they are pregnant. OP had a loss. If she wasn't pregnant again don't you realize how hurtful that question could be? That parent has no idea if the OP has been trying to get pregnant, has had losses, has been struggling with IF... it was totally out of line to ask her if she was pregnant. I would never ask someone if they were pregnant because you never know how hurtful that question could be to that person based on what they have been through.

Also, OP did not announce to the class that she was pregnant so it was not a follow up on that. 

iggy.d

I agree that it is rude. I can't imagine asking someone if they are pregnant. Clearly, if I'm meant to know, I will be told. Otherwise it's just nosy.

jess252

iggy.d:

I agree that it is rude. I can't imagine asking someone if they are pregnant. Clearly, if I'm meant to know, I will be told. Otherwise it's just nosy.

 

Exactly!

MsPegees

iggy.d:

I agree that it is rude. I can't imagine asking someone if they are pregnant. Clearly, if I'm meant to know, I will be told. Otherwise it's just nosy.

Agreed

TeacherVicky

Bride2b2004:

Goodness, why is everyone so nasty?  It's nosy to follow-up on something your 5 year old was told in school?  

As a parent of a 4yo, when he comes home with a confusing or convoluted story, I ask his preschool teacher about it.  I don't want him running around telling everyone (because that is what little children do) his teacher is having a baby when she isn't.  And those kinds of announcements spur a ton of questions at home.   Anything told to my child in school is my business.  And if she feels the need to announce her pg to the class (which would be weird unless she is in the 3rd tri and the belly is spurring questions or she will be out and her absence needs explanation), I wouldn't hesitate to ask about it and congratulate her.  

Nobody is being nasty about it. It was rude and the parent was out of line. It is nosy to follow up on something when it pertains to the teachers personal life, where as it would not be nosy to follow up on something that had to do with the actual class.

As a teacher, I would have been very irritated to receive such an email. It is none of their business until the teacher chooses to make an official announcement. If the parent was concerned about the child speaking of it at school, the parent should have addressed that with him/her.

A more appropriate approach (if the parent was concerned about the child sharing this with the rest of the class) would have been for the parent to contact the teacher and maybe give her a heads up of what the child heard, regardless of whether there is truth to it or not. That way, the teacher could choose to deal with it accordingly, however she is most comfortable.

It is completely inappropriate for a parent to ask a teacher this sort of personal question. Just because teachers spend 7.5 hours a day with a child, it doesn't mean that the teacher does not get to keep her personal life, personal.

ohashlet

jerriesgirl:

rock-elle:

Hmm, even if her daughter brought it up, why would she need to email you about it?

Exactly, why is it even any of her business?

Seriously.

Bride2b2004

damabo80:

OK...but WHY is it so important that you know if she has something growing in her ute? How is that going to affect YOUR daily life so much that you would feel the need to ask someone (who doesn't look PG) if they are PG? The OP is 8 weeks along...I doubt she looks like she's in the 3rd tri right now and you would be concerned about her mat leave replacement.

Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that the parents get a free pass to act like a douche and say whatever is coming out of their head without a filter.

Not about her ute, it is about what she is talking to my kid about in CLASS!  She explained that she was talking about her sisters baby/pg, that's fine I guess, I am sure the parent doesn't care about the status of her ute... not sure that is anybody's business about her sister either, but since she chose to share, it may spur questions (from kids and therefore by parents). 

I am astounded by the vehement responses here.  Seems like all perspective is skewed.  One day you will all be wondering wtf your kids are talking about when they come home from school.  Not like the parent out of the blue asked about her status.  I took it to mean the parent was clarifying something their 5 year old child was confused/talking about.  I think this post should be tabled and everyone post back when you have a 4 or 5 year old

TeacherVicky

Bride2b2004:

Not about her ute, it is about what she is talking to my kid about in CLASS!  She explained that she was talking about her sisters baby/pg, that's fine I guess, I am sure the parent doesn't care about the status of her ute... not sure that is anybody's business about her sister either, but since she chose to share, it may spur questions (from kids and therefore by parents). 

I am astounded by the vehement responses here.  Seems like all perspective is skewed.  One day you will all be wondering wtf your kids are talking about when they come home from school.  Not like the parent out of the blue asked about her status.  I took it to mean the parent was clarifying something their 5 year old child was confused/talking about.  I think this post should be tabled and everyone post back when you have a 4 or 5 year old

I am pretty sure my perspective is not skewed and I am pretty sure that my opinion will remain the same once I have a 4 year old. The point here, that many of us were trying to make, is that asking the OP if she is pregnant is crossing the line.

LilMaggs

Bride2b2004:

damabo80:

OK...but WHY is it so important that you know if she has something growing in her ute? How is that going to affect YOUR daily life so much that you would feel the need to ask someone (who doesn't look PG) if they are PG? The OP is 8 weeks along...I doubt she looks like she's in the 3rd tri right now and you would be concerned about her mat leave replacement.

Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that the parents get a free pass to act like a douche and say whatever is coming out of their head without a filter.

Not about her ute, it is about what she is talking to my kid about in CLASS!  She explained that she was talking about her sisters baby/pg, that's fine I guess, I am sure the parent doesn't care about the status of her ute... not sure that is anybody's business about her sister either, but since she chose to share, it may spur questions (from kids and therefore by parents). 

I am astounded by the vehement responses here.  Seems like all perspective is skewed.  One day you will all be wondering wtf your kids are talking about when they come home from school.  Not like the parent out of the blue asked about her status.  I took it to mean the parent was clarifying something their 5 year old child was confused/talking about.  I think this post should be tabled and everyone post back when you have a 4 or 5 year old

*butting in from TTCAL* 

Get off your high horse.  For the record, I do have a 5 year old.  And I would NEVER ask a teacher the status of her uterus. Regardless of what my child heard at school.  If I communicated with the teacher at all, it would be to let her know that my child had been hearing about it so that she could have a heads up.  My son's teacher is entitled to her personal life. Personal life includes the contents of her uterus. 

maddiemoon43

damabo80:

Bride2b2004:

Goodness, why is everyone so nasty?  It's nosy to follow-up on something your 5 year old was told in school?  

As a parent of a 4yo, when he comes home with a confusing or convoluted story, I ask his preschool teacher about it.  I don't want him running around telling everyone (because that is what little children do) his teacher is having a baby when she isn't.  And those kinds of announcements spur a ton of questions at home.   Anything told to my child in school is my business.  And if she feels the need to announce her pg to the class (which would be weird unless she is in the 3rd tri and the belly is spurring questions or she will be out and her absence needs explanation), I wouldn't hesitate to ask about it and congratulate her.  

OK...but WHY is it so important that you know if she has something growing in her ute? How is that going to affect YOUR daily life so much that you would feel the need to ask someone (who doesn't look PG) if they are PG? The OP is 8 weeks along...I doubt she looks like she's in the 3rd tri right now and you would be concerned about her mat leave replacement.

Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that the parents get a free pass to act like a douche and say whatever is coming out of their head without a filter.

Totally agree!  I may not have a LO yet to ask such questions, but I wouldn't be setting the example and encouraging the belief it was any of their business...though the parent who emailed about it sounds like they have some serious boundary issues anyhow.  I wouldn't really even be allowed to respond to a parent emailing me about something like that according to our policies and professional boundaries.  Like OP said, how hard would it have been for her to receive that email were she not pregnant again?

maddiemoon43

Bride2b2004:

damabo80:

OK...but WHY is it so important that you know if she has something growing in her ute? How is that going to affect YOUR daily life so much that you would feel the need to ask someone (who doesn't look PG) if they are PG? The OP is 8 weeks along...I doubt she looks like she's in the 3rd tri right now and you would be concerned about her mat leave replacement.

Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that the parents get a free pass to act like a douche and say whatever is coming out of their head without a filter.

Not about her ute, it is about what she is talking to my kid about in CLASS!  She explained that she was talking about her sisters baby/pg, that's fine I guess, I am sure the parent doesn't care about the status of her ute... not sure that is anybody's business about her sister either, but since she chose to share, it may spur questions (from kids and therefore by parents). 

I am astounded by the vehement responses here.  Seems like all perspective is skewed.  One day you will all be wondering wtf your kids are talking about when they come home from school.  Not like the parent out of the blue asked about her status.  I took it to mean the parent was clarifying something their 5 year old child was confused/talking about.  I think this post should be tabled and everyone post back when you have a 4 or 5 year old

Oh joy, I am so happy I can end my night on a, "If you already had older kids like I do you would all be as wise and informed as I am.  Please save this so you can thank me and realize the error of your ways in 4 years," post. 

Even if the OP had mentioned her sister just had a baby, or God forbid a child in the class had a new sibling (which apparently would be inappropriate to discuss and raise all sorts of issues and questions for your child?), it doesn't sound like the kid went home and told mom, "Hey, my teach is KU again.  How does that happen?"  You may assume the parent had the best, most noble intentions like yourself...but if I have learned anything in the last year it's that people cannot mind their own f-ing business and are tactless and just nosy. 

ETA - I am sure kids come home asking about all sorts of stuff...I know the ones I work with might (special education/autism) repeat things they shouldn't have heard, does that entitle me to pointedly ask others about it?  Like PPs have said, maybe it is worth a head's up, but ultimately it is none of my/their business as long as there is no danger, etc.  Should I email a parent and say, "When Billy was doing a puzzle today he repeated, 'Fine, maybe we should just sell the house then.'  Are you and your husband having financial problems?" You cannot imagine the things that even a typically-developing 4 or 5 year old repeats at school too, that people hopefully have the tact to leave alone, ("We went to my aunt's birthday and had cake.  Mommy says Aunt Julie drinks too much," was one that I felt was inappropriate to email the parents and ask about this week.  I certainly hope nothing juicy is ever shared at home in the presence of your child. 

jess252

Bride2b2004:

damabo80:

OK...but WHY is it so important that you know if she has something growing in her ute? How is that going to affect YOUR daily life so much that you would feel the need to ask someone (who doesn't look PG) if they are PG? The OP is 8 weeks along...I doubt she looks like she's in the 3rd tri right now and you would be concerned about her mat leave replacement.

Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that the parents get a free pass to act like a douche and say whatever is coming out of their head without a filter.

Not about her ute, it is about what she is talking to my kid about in CLASS!  She explained that she was talking about her sisters baby/pg, that's fine I guess, I am sure the parent doesn't care about the status of her ute... not sure that is anybody's business about her sister either, but since she chose to share, it may spur questions (from kids and therefore by parents). 

I am astounded by the vehement responses here.  Seems like all perspective is skewed.  One day you will all be wondering wtf your kids are talking about when they come home from school.  Not like the parent out of the blue asked about her status.  I took it to mean the parent was clarifying something their 5 year old child was confused/talking about.  I think this post should be tabled and everyone post back when you have a 4 or 5 year old

I have a 4yo and i think it was rude. So no, not all perspectives are skewed wise one. And just because people dont have LO's yet, doesnt mean they are wrong.   The teachers personal life, is her personal life. She owes no explanation to me about her pregnancy.

704bride

I had no idea my post was going to start such a debate!  Here's my opinion on the situation:  I think the mom was honestly just trying to clarify and would've been so excited for me if I said I was pregnant.  I don't think she gave it much thought before sending the e-mail.  Would I send an e-mail like that to a teacher?  No way.  I know that if it were certain parents that I've had over the years, I would've been really annoyed and felt like they were being nosy and crossing a line they definitely shouldn't have.  This actually just reminded me of a parent I really despised from many years ago...I can't remember the context of the conversation, but it involved her thinking I was pregnant for some reason (I really wish I could remember why the conversation even came up), but she displayed very obvious relief that I wasn't in whatever she said.  She might have even said, "Oh, good."  I remember thinking that it was absolutely awful of her to say that and "what if I had a ton of trouble getting pregnant or had just had a miscarriage?" 

If I had received the e-mail and wasn't pregnant, I honestly am not sure how I would have responded because it would have definitely been really hard to read that e-mail.

ColleenS629

Bride2b2004:

damabo80:

OK...but WHY is it so important that you know if she has something growing in her ute? How is that going to affect YOUR daily life so much that you would feel the need to ask someone (who doesn't look PG) if they are PG? The OP is 8 weeks along...I doubt she looks like she's in the 3rd tri right now and you would be concerned about her mat leave replacement.

Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that the parents get a free pass to act like a douche and say whatever is coming out of their head without a filter.

Not about her ute, it is about what she is talking to my kid about in CLASS!  She explained that she was talking about her sisters baby/pg, that's fine I guess, I am sure the parent doesn't care about the status of her ute... not sure that is anybody's business about her sister either, but since she chose to share, it may spur questions (from kids and therefore by parents). 

I am astounded by the vehement responses here.  Seems like all perspective is skewed.  One day you will all be wondering wtf your kids are talking about when they come home from school.  Not like the parent out of the blue asked about her status.  I took it to mean the parent was clarifying something their 5 year old child was confused/talking about.  I think this post should be tabled and everyone post back when you have a 4 or 5 year old

Or we could table the post and you can post back after you become a teacher and know what it's like to have parents feel that your personal life is their business